Disturbing the Disturbed

Story Submitted by Arianna:

Ryan was just out of a long-term relationship, and he warned me ahead of the date that he'd be a little down and "not responsible for his actions."  Uh-huh.

I tried to be understanding, but when a guy mentions his past relationship in nearly every conversation, maybe he should consider taking a bit more time before starting to date again.

I picked out the place for dinner, but we never made it there.  A little over an hour before, he called to ask if I'd meet him at his house, as he said that he needed help with something.

It was a little shady, I'll admit, but we had been talking for a month, and my intuition – and the mace in my purse – told me that he was harmless.  In retrospect, no, I shouldn't have gone there.

His front door was open and I walked in.  I guessed that it was a house that he shared with a few other people, judging by the state of things.  He called to me from upstairs, and I went up to find him.

I opened a slightly ajar door to find him in a fetal position on a rug on the floor, staring out the window.

From the doorway, I asked him if he was okay.  In response, he hit his head twice on the floor, shuddered, stood up, and said, "It was important for you to see that.  Ready for dinner?"

I didn't mention that he was shirtless and sported a pair of jeans, one leg of which was of normal length, the other of which was cut off mid-thigh.  He made no move to change his outfit.  He was ready to go out just like that.

"Want to change?" I asked him.

He looked down, as if realizing what he was wearing for the first time, then looked out the window again, then asked me, "You want to go out back?  I think I have a really big drum."

I told him that I was going to head out, and I left the room.

When I made it to the bottom of the steps, he called to me from the top of the staircase: "Think I can jump down all of these at once?"

I replied, "Not without killing yourself."

He nodded, and I turned and left.  I was afraid that I'd hear a loud thump behind me.  I didn't.


  1. Oh look, another submission that was supposed to go to A Bad Case of Ignoring the Giant Red Flags.

  2. Weird. Why would you "need to see that"?

  3. ^^Yes, but unlike most of those other dates, this one was pretty damn funny.

  4. That was a good one. I'll bet that comhradh has never been on a date without seeing red flags everywhere!

  5. Craig - Just how much would you be willing to bet?

  6. He lost me when he wanted to drum. Here a bunch of dirty trustafarians get together downtown with drums, some big ass industrial plastic drums and whatever else they can hit with a stick and unrhythmically manage to completely ruin any eating or shopping I was enjoying at the time.


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