Push Me, Pull You

Story Submitted by Frank:

Ellen was at a party that I friend of mine threw, and she and I ended up talking for a while.  She was really smart and we were both curious about each other, and so I asked her if she wanted to continue the conversation over a date.

She said that she wasn't looking to date, but would be fine with going out as friends.  I'll admit that I was a little disappointed, but it was okay.

We talked on the phone every couple of days for the ensuing two weeks, as she didn't have a spare night until then.  She began bringing up her exes and her relationships with them and the troubles she had and the sex she had and the arguments she had and the sex she had...

I played the part of concerned friend, but it became less and less attractive to me.  Our conversations about everything else were good, but our conversations about anything else were happening fewer.

The night of the non-date, the restaurant host sat us in a booth.  She slid in next to me on my side, which was a little unusual.  I asked her if she'd mind moving over to the other side, as I'd be able to converse with her easier that way.

She grumbled at that, but she did it.  What was weird about the whole thing was that she hardly said a word the entire time.  She was like a completely different, shy, non-talkative person.  I know that in-person, people can be different from how they are over the phone, but this was night and day.

Somehow or other, I had it in my head that she was upset about something, so I asked her if everything was okay.  She said, "You haven't tried to flirt with me once."

I said, "You're not looking for a relationship.  Why would I?"

She said, "I'm brilliant and attractive.  That's why."

I said, "Okay, then.  You're looking hot tonight.  How was that?"

"It was shit.  Say something like you mean it."

I said, "That's a nice blouse," and I brushed her arm.

"Better," she said.

For the rest of that uncomfortable dinner, I slid in the occasional flirt and she seemed pacified.  I had no way of knowing, of course, since she hardly ever said a word.

After dinner, I offered to take her out someplace else or go for a walk. 

She asked, "Aren't you going to try to feel me up?"

It dawned on me that while she may not have been looking for a relationship, she might have been just looking for a roll in the hay.  I took her for a walk and when it seemed like no one was around, I went in to kiss her.

She shoved me away.  "Stay away from me!" she said.

I asked, "Didn't you want me to try to feel you up?"

She said, "Keyword was 'try.'  I didn't want you to actually touch me.  Asshole.  You can't just go around touching people."

We finished our walk, I said goodnight, and we went our separate ways, forever and ever.