Willow Me This, Willow Me That

Submitted by Mia:

Lloyd and I met in a park.  He struck up a conversation with me while I was reading a magazine, and we clicked instantly.  By the time he left, it hadn't even occurred to me that we had been speaking for over an hour.  During that time, I had given him my number.  A couple of days later, he asked me out on a proper date.

He brought flowers, which was a magnanimous gesture.  To drive home the point, he said, "I brought flowers.  That was nice of me, right?"

Red flag.  Or maybe he was nervous.  I thanked him for the flowers.

These thoughts were fleeting, as I looked over his shoulder to see his car.  The rear passenger seat door was... well, it wasn't there.  A tangled mess of stretched-over garbage bags and duct tape covered the area where a door would be.

"It was taken out after a collision with a motorcyclist," he explained, "It was hysterical."

I asked, "Was the motorcyclist all right?"

He said, "Nope.  Ready to go?"

I had a grilled chicken salad for dinner and he had steak tips.  He said, "My Aunt Rose could make better steak tips, and her steak tips are shitty."

I suggested that he order something else, and he replied, "My Aunt Rose has huge tits.  Ever wonder what that would be like?"

I wasn't sure if he was trying to be insulting or trying to make conversation.  I assumed the best of him and replied, "Yes.  Probably a terrible nuisance."

"Not for me," he said.

"You'd like large breasts?"

"In my mouth, yeah," he said, scarfing down a colossal mouthful of steak tips.  "Speaking of, I have an idea for something fun we could do after dinner."

My tension must've been obvious, because he followed up with, "Don't worry.  Nothing physical.  Just something I discovered recently on another date.  Not with you."

You don't say?  Very well.

After dinner, he took me to a small park with a big weeping willow tree.  We ducked under it and sat down.  It was pretty neat, but dark and a little too far away from other people for my liking.

I didn't have to worry about my safety, as it turned out.  He sat down next to me, then jumped up and said, "Brilliant!"  He grabbed at some of the dangling branches and asked me to help him collect them.  I asked him why, but he said simply that I'd love the idea.

We gathered up a whole bunch, and he led me to his car, where he tore off the garbage bags and duct tape over his door-hole.  He then took out some tape and began taping willow branches down the length of the door.

He said, "I can't believe that I never thought of this before."

About a half-hour later, we were done, and his door looked about as insane as you can imagine, but I had never seen anything like it before, so maybe it was a good idea.  He stepped back and evaluated it.

"Damn it," he said, cradling his head, "It's not strong enough.  I want to rebuild it, but it's getting late.  Want to get home?"

I did.  He drove me home and said, "Let me know if you'd want to hang out again.  I promise to get it fixed before the next time.  Probably with an actual door."

I will certainly call him if I ever feel the need to hang out again.


  1. Meatbag. Complete and utter meatbag. Congratulations, you witnessed the only hour of socially apt behavior he will ever exhibit in his entire lifetime prior to your date.

  2. "You'd like large breasts?"
    "In my mouth, yeah," he said

    Sounds like a conversation between TIGER WOODS and one of his many mistresses.

  3. What is it with people who post stories about bad dates here? Usually, after about the seond sentence, I'm thinking "GTFO!" but you (OPs) still stick around and then you're actually *surprised* that the date turns into hell? What is wrong with you people? Have you no common sense?

  4. Yeah, @4:05 I don't know what it is with people posting about bad dates here. Friggin weird. Almost like this was a blog about bad date stories. For the longest time I kept submitting my crayon drawings and new casserole recipes and Jared never. Posted. Them. What a dick.

    I dated a guy who liked pointing it out every time he did something nice for me, or every time he said something funny ("That was funny, huh? What I said there..."), etc. Validating every move would have gotten older quicker than a tree door.

  5. ^ LMAO

    This date didn't seem all THAT terrible. As far as I can see, he just said some dumb shit and taped willow branches to his car. Hardly the worst we've read here!

  6. That guy just seem like he didn't know what to say or do. I think he was just crazy.

  7. "honestly though, who DOESN'T like large breasts in their mouth? "
    September 6, 2010 8:54 PM

    ...me and probably most other hetrosexual women? I mean, I did when I was a baby, but I've outgrown that phase.

    - MJ

  8. "I brought you flowers. See what I did there?" Yeah, we see what you did there.

    The tree branch door thing was awesome. How was it "not strong enough" though? I can't imagine how plastic bags and duct tape would be a substantial building material.

  9. @Architect, how dare you besmirch the integrity or duct tape and plastic bags?

  10. ^I'd think Architect would know something about building stuff. He IS an architect, after all. ;p

    This guy is a pretty weird and socially inappropriate. I'm really surprised no one's cried "Aspergers" yet. Did that go away while I was gone?

  11. what the hell is a "hetrosexual"?

  12. I liked him. I didn't care for the OP though. Maybe because she had itty-bitty-titties. I can't STAND itty-bitty-titties.

  13. ^ Or perhaps they spelled "metrosexual" wrong. That's quite a big ASSumption you're making there, Baku-chan.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.