Where Forty Minus Twenty Equals Just One

Submitted by Dean:

I was the bad date, on this one.  I was drunk at a party my senior year of college, and fell in with Patty, another senior.  We talked about this and that and at some point or another we started making out in a corner.  These were the only memories I had from that night.

The next day, I was out with some friends at a mall food court, and I told them about my encounter with Patty.  They all made faces and said variations of "Ew."

Great.  What was wrong with her?

"She's fat," one of my friends said.

I went to her defense.  "She didn't seem fat last night.  Maybe just a little overweight."

Then I remembered something.  I went on, "Is she in our sociology class?"

Another friend said, "She sits way in back.  The blonde with the..."

I remembered her.  She was a bit on the big side, but nothing terrible.  I decided to give her a call and see if she wanted to hang out.

She did, and we met at a local restaurant.  She was bigger than I had remembered from the party, but as I said, she wasn't Shamu.  Or even baby Shamu.

Unfortunately, I began thinking, "I can do better than her," and "She wants me... she's desperate.  I can run this easy."

I didn't mind the idea of keeping her around to fool around with, but she definitely wanted something more.  After seeing each other a few times, she confessed, "I think I like you more than anyone else I've ever been with."

I thanked her, and she asked me point-blank, "What do you want out of this?"

I didn't know.  A make-out-buddy, I guess.  "I don't know," I told her, "I'm not in a rush."

"If I was 40 pounds lighter?  Would that help?"

Why would she ask that?  What a catch-22!  Oh, honesty.

In retrospect, I should've said, "You're fine."

Instead, I said, "Twenty might be more realistic."

"I see."

She called me up after I hadn't heard from her in a couple of days to tell me that she didn't want to see me anymore.  I don't blame her.


  1. But what did you think of her aside from her appearance?

  2. How evil the OP is for being honest! Telling it like it is is clearly the wrong thing to do!

  3. "I didn't mind the idea of keeping her around to fool around with, but she definitely wanted something more"

    Tiger Woods on every one of his mistresses.

  4. next time you see her, she will be hot.

    fatty's revenge!

    or maybe she'll just be fatter, who knows....

  5. Not sure which is worse. You calling her up again just to decide to use her, or her asking such a loaded question. Match made in heaven, actually.

  6. ^A match made in heaven, that's exactly what Elin thought but as we all know a Tiger (Woods) doesn't change it's stripes.

  7. you know, every once in a while a guy decides to be honest, and that's what girls say they want..now OP's being blasted for doing that?! true, it was a bit brutal, but, in your defense, OP, i'm a "thick chick", and i know full well that people want to be physically attracted to whom they want to be with. i will say that after getting to know her, if her personality was on point, and she was cute in the face, the physical (especially if she wasn't necessarily obese) should have taken a back seat, and the two of you could have developed something special. while i applaud your honesty, i don't blame her for not wanting to deal with you anymore in light of your superficial shallowness. you were in college, for pete's sake, not high school, and your level of mentality should be beyond "a few extra pounds". you could have taken her to the gym to encourage weight loss, and seen if something good/real could have developed...guess you may never know now...

  8. Thick girls are the best!

  9. Roberts Crumb9/08/2010 3:34 AM

    Girls, girls. I luv 'em, I luv 'em and wanna do stuff to 'em!

  10. OP recognizes this as him being the bad date, always nice. Gives chance to improve when you recognize your own mistakes.

  11. I like big butts
    and I cannot lie
    You other brothers
    can't deny
    that when a girl walks in
    with an itty-bitty waist
    and a round thing in your face

    Damn, son, even white boys got to shout, "Baby got back." Sir Mix-a-Lot would be SO disappointed in you, OP.

    Also, I liked Agnes's fat bitch joke. Subtle.

  12. 11:09, if the fat bitch wanted to lose weight, she would have. No guy is going to think "Oh, maybe over time she'll get to the gym and lose that extra chin she's sporting." If you want to be attractive to guys that are into fit girls, you have to become fit.

    The question then becomes: Would you want to be with someone who will only find you attractive if you're fit?

    This is the paradox of the fat bitch.

  13. looks like the op dodged a big FAT bullet!

  14. Shallow OP, but honest at least.

    Still, I applaud the girl for being aware of her weight in a non-freakout manner. She was calm and collected about it, and I respect that.

    Still, I have to say, people have tastes, and usually guys are told to like skinny chicks, so they do, and unfortunately fat girls seem to think that they should either lose weight to conform to meaningless standards, or that guys should get with them anyway and pretend they like them.

    But whatever, I openly like fatties, so it's not an issue for me.

  15. Okay, here's something I've never been able to understand. If she was attractive enough for you to make out with or think about making out with her further, why wasn't she attractive enough for you to actually date? I mean, if you weren't attracted to her at all, then that'd be something different. Not everybody likes us plus-sized ladies. That just confuses me all around. Or is this another one of those sex is like pizza analogies?


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