A Tall Tale

Submitted by Kevin:

A friend of mine (Betsy) set me up with Tracy, an illustrator for a small greeting card company.  Tracy was also very tall and was born in Mexico while her parents were vacationing there.  Now you have sufficient back story on Tracy.

Tracy and I were supposed to meet up at a restaurant, but she called me twice less than an hour before to inform me that she was going to be held late at work to deliver some new art.  The second time she called, she suggested that I meet her at her office, off of a main street commercial area.  We would be able to walk to a place from there.  Worked for me.  So far.

I found the building and made my way to her office.  I had seen a photo of her, but nothing had prepared me for how tall this Amazon was.  She had a head and a half on me at least, and I"m 5' 10". 

I could tell at once that this displeased her.

"Oh no," were the first words out of her mouth, followed by, "Betsy didn't mention?  I only date guys taller than me."

I pressed, "What, like guys in the NBA?"

"Pretty much.  I feel bad.  We can still hang out."

She showed me some of her artwork, which was pretty good.  Most of it was abstract and very colorful.  Tall and talented.

We went out to a Brazilian place for dinner, just around the corner.  The following conversation is essentially verbatim.

We had been talking about our families, our friends, this, that, and the other things, when she said, "I'm very sensitive down in my nether-parts.  I think it's because I'm Mexican."

She smiled at me and drank some water.  "Come again?" I asked.

She told me the story of how her parents were vacationing on a beach in Mexico when all of a sudden her mother's water broke and how she was born shortly thereafter.

"But I have super-sensitive lady-parts.  A lot of Mexican women do."

I asked, "But both of your parents were American.  You're not really Mexican."

"I was born in Mexico.  I'm Mexican."

"So where you were born, not genetics, is what makes you more sensitive to stimulation?"

She thought for a moment, then said, "It's really too bad that you're not taller.  We could have totally tested it out.  We may as well stop talking about it, though, since sex isn't on our menu."

I shrugged.  What else?

After dinner, we walked for a few minutes when she leaned into my face, within striking distance of a kiss, and she said, "It sucks.  It's been so long since I've even made out with a guy."

"I could stand on a bench," I offered.

"If you were taller, we'd have all kinds of crazy sex."

"Are you a virgin?" I asked.  I had to know.

Her happy manner died at that moment.  I had crossed a line.  She said, "I can't believe that you just asked me that."

I was already in the hole.  I dug deeper.  "It's just that you're so obsessed with talking about sex.  I was wondering when the last time you did it was."

That made her mad.  "I've had sex more often in a week than you'll have in your entire life!  I had sex six times last week!  With six different people!  Guys!"

Odd.  Hadn't she just said that it had been a long time since she had made out?  Maybe her kind of sex was kiss-less.

At any rate, this "date" was pretty much shot.  I said good night, and she seemed all too happy to take me up on my offer to end things then and there.

I asked Betsy the next time I spoke with her if Tracy was a virgin.  Betsy told me, "As far as I know."


  1. Virgin or no, of course her type of sex is kiss-less. The men develop altitude sickness before they finish scaling her breasts.

  2. She spent the whole date teasing him with all the crazy sex he would never have and she acts like he is the one who went to far? I think OP has an amazing abilty to really hit a nerve with someone without being an outright asshole and that shows class. "Are you a virgin" is riding that thin line of acceptable/unacceptable without crossing it given the previous conversation. I mean it hit such a nerve this "virgin" confesses what a cock hungry slore she is just to protect her pride. I mean 6 guys in one week? If you are going to lie, at least make it believable. I am not going to even touch on my thoughts on her ethinicity other than to say "what you have to ask yourself is are you a Mexican or a Meicant.
    P.S. Sorry I have been gone for a while.I was up in the mountains camping and decided to camp in a cave when it started to flood. Turns out the the "cave" was really just fizziks Vag and through some sort of twisted fat assimilating super power she tried to consume me and make me her own. Turns out the teeth she has inside there due to her Vagina Dentata had some cavities so while I was waiting to be slowly devoured I decided to do some dental work with a rock and a piolet. Fortunally for me but not for the people reading this I discovered that fizziks is a squirter. I have thus returned so that I may once again utter the words "fat bitch"

  3. Finally a great bad date story on here. Applause from the left. Applause from the right. Applause from the raptors.

  4. Kiss-less sex can be really hot. It's WAY better than finding out they're a bad kisser. Kiss them afterward, so that if it's bad, you can be all "Oh, damn, look at the time, I forgot I had to stop by the office before tomorrow morning... Yeah, at 4am..."

  5. Lebowkski, I will assimilate you!! The day is coming where I will dissolve you in my Venus flytrap. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!

  6. Lebowski, how is 6 guys in a week not believable? I've had more than that in a weekend in P-town.

  7. As an unusually tall chick, I can say that her standards are only hurting her. Short guys get better leverage. ;)

  8. When used in response to his statement like "as a matter of fact I had 6 guys last week" it sounds a bit much. She even eluded to the fact she had not made out in quite a while. Yes it is possible she had sex with 6 diffren guys on six diffrent occasions and did not kiss any of them. However it is highly unlikely especially in conjunction with the context. Either way she is lier or gets so much dick I would be afraid to use the same toilet as her.

  9. Howie Feltersnatch8/25/2010 10:34 AM

    You should have stuck it out and not asked so many dumb questions and she might have let you go UP on her.

  10. I would have asked which NBA team she slept with, and which player the coach had to call up from the bench.

  11. I'm not surprised that she's still a virgin considering that she's about 6 + feet tall and demands a guy taller. The whole, "I had sex with 6 different guys last week" was a blatant lie; no way she could find that many guys taller than her. What got me most of all, though, was:

    Tracy: I have a sensitive vagina. Too bad you're not taller or I would let you stick your penis in me and see. I wish I could make out with you!

    Kevin: Are you a virgin?

    Tracy: Well I never . . . ! How very inappropriate!

  12. @10:53 - Wow, Jared needs to stop giving free meth to named commenters.

  13. Should have told her that you were over six feet lying down.

  14. Seven-Thirty8/25/2010 11:31 AM

    Got to feel sorry for a girl who must have been 6'5", going through school with all the volley and basketball coaches drooling over her (some of them lesbians to boot).

    Of course the OP blew it. She didn't bring up the sensitive nether regions topic because she sought a discussion on genetics. Betsy didn't give the OP a heads up on this one either.

  15. LOVE the comments on this thread, except for 10:53's of course. Christ, the damn thing reads like a retarded spambot.

    I probably would have gotten rude right after the part about how she's a "Mexican" and asked to see her papers to make sure she's in this country legally. Then I'd have told her to go pick the lettuce out of my garden for 40 cents an hour.

    And really, all that about being a Mexican was just her subtle way of letting you know she wanted a Dirty Sanchez! You missed out on that one!

  16. For 12:59.

    Will somebody please lay this chick. She always seems depressed and negative.

    @12:59 When was the last time for you?

  17. Believe me, Nikki gets laid aplenty. Assuming my use of her vajingo as a corndog heater counts.

  18. ...Why didn't 1:43 use my name instead of my time stamp? And how is my above comment (or really any of my other comments on this site) depressed? NEGATIVE, oh hell yeah, I'll give you that one. I enjoy hatin' here b/c it's too easy to be like, "Oh well, she was just tall and awkward and confused, and he was mad that he was so short and wasn't getting laid and how terrible that they had a bad date! *sunshine and puppies*"

    My sex life is none of your business, although I will say that Fizziks never complains when I squirt can after can of whipped topping into her vag and lick it out. (That's the only way to make the damn thing palatable, but she loves oral, so who am I to complain?)

  19. I'm going to buck the trend here, and say that while I personally have nothing against short people, I think my labrador retriever may be able to relate to Tracy.

    I've owned Sasha for 4 years now, and I originally thought that it was just children she didn't like (while on walks). Turns out, it's anyone short, adult or not.

  20. That's whipped cream? No wonder the lube feels so cold. Guess I need to stop using moldy Baconnaise for my yeast infections, tho it's the best damn anti-fungal I've found to date. Since I'm so damp and mildewy, I have to use constant vigilence.

  21. It's the OPs fault here. He should have been taller, its not too late you know. Just study harder.

  22. She's going to have to get over her height snobbishness real quick..... there aren't enough extra-tall men to go around.

  23. Howie Feltersnatch8/25/2010 4:35 PM

    Seven-Thirty is NOT a homophobic cunt with aspergers...I am...and he never shows up at the meetings!

  24. Seven-Thirty8/25/2010 4:38 PM

    3:41, you're such a nitpicker, plus you forgot to mention my obvious Tea Party sympathies.

    As Nikki said, good comments aplenty on this one. Interesting that no one took up the issue of what Fizziks calls "height-appropriate" dates. This suggests that most people have expectations based on mammalian sexual dimorphism. I would have thought someone would have said size doesn't matter.

    There is by the way a classic song about vagina being too tall (Vagina in the Sky) by the Tiger Lillies. You can Youtube it, but be warned the singer is a man who wears lipstick. You should be OK 3:41.

  25. 4:35...<3

    And Seven-Thirty, no matter WHAT your date tells you, size ALWAYS matters. You can't go ordering a medium, two-topping from Domino's when Fizziks can eat ten extra-large, supreme pizzas in one sitting.

  26. I just come here for the comments...

  27. Seven-Thirty8/25/2010 6:40 PM

    Yes, size matters.

    Veronica, a 25-year-old dairy farm employee in Sweden, is now getting her 15 minutes of fame for being so overweight that that she didn't realize she was pregnant.

    At 4:30 in the morning, after feeding calves, Veronica felt so uncomfortable she had to break off milking the cows.

    Her 32-year-old boyfriend rubbed some liniment on to her back, but the pain got so back she couldn't concentrate. Three hours later she gave birth to a son.

    "Sure I had gone up in weight, but I thought it was because I had eaten too much candy," she told Aftonbladet.

  28. ^^ Not the first time it's happened. I forget who it was, but I recall reading a story about a women who thought she had to take a shit, but ended up having a baby in the toilet instead! XD

  29. On a side note, Sasha usually ignores all the other dogs, black or golden, but the other day this chocolate lab had a right face full in an open field; there was no shame.

    And this I think is the moral of the story for the OP. He (perhaps) should have asked: "do you fancy a bit of brown?".

    Makes you wonder...

  30. Jared, we should have a rating system for the comments as a whole, so that there's a way to keep track of the best trolling threads on the site. This one definitely takes the proverbial cake right from the clamps of a fat bitch. And you KNOW that bitch wants her cake!

  31. Christian, do you read the stories at all or just the comments? Most of the time, reading the stories isn't necessary, granted, since none of the comments really have anything to do with the content of these dating tales of woe, but I could imagine that there are some threads on this site that would require a bit of context. ...not many, but a few at least.

    Also, baku, I think you saw that on season two (oh yeah, there are MULTIPLE SEASONS) of "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant," a top-quality program on, I believe it's TLC. Where's your "learning" now, TLC? Where's your "learning" now?

  32. ^ In the toilet with asperger-babies.

  33. ^Well played, Anon. Well played.

  34. @ 10:00 AM: In my opinion, kiss-less sex is about as romantic as acne bacteria

  35. Sometimes I question why a person even goes out on a date. The woman in this story is an exception to this. I know exactly why she goes out.

    She's a bitch.

    There's absolutly nothing unique about her story. Due to circumstances beyond her controll (height), she feels she's been cheated out of some daydream lifestyle that's impossible to obtain.

    Instead of learning to play the cards she was delt, she instead attempts to change the game to something that punishes all who play. There's no winning for anyone.

    And yeah, she's a virgin.


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