And She'll Be Company President in Under Two Years

Submitted by Corey:

Emily was a manager at a cosmetics store.  At dinner, she told me all about how difficult her employees made her job.

"They socialize in the break room.  The break room is for planning sessions and for sales presentations only.  I can't tell you how many of them I've had to write up because of this."


"A couple of them pull in more for the company than I do.  I'm the boss.  I should pull in the most, and they know it.  That doesn't stop them from trying to show me up, all the same."


"A couple of them use makeup tricks to try to look prettier than I am, but I'm wise to that and I make them scrub their faces as soon as they come in."

It had been years since I had worked in retail (at a high-end clothing store) but I think that I would have shot a manager who was seriously this insane.

I asked her what her relationship was like with her employees.

She said, "I'm the mother hen.  In fact, most of them call me that.  Isn't that cute?"

"They call you 'mother hen'?"

She smiled and replied, "I asked them to.  It builds team solidarity.  Like I'm a hen and they're the lost little chicks."

She also said, "I dated a guy for almost two months, once.  He tried to make me decide between himself and work.  He didn't like my decision, but I value my independence."

She stared at me hard, as if daring me to make the same mistake.

I didn't.  I said, "Work is all yours.  Because I don't think I want you."

She asked, "Then why the fuck are we wasting our time, then?"

I said, "I'll get the check."

She stood up with her bag and said, "Yeah, you do that, asshole," and stormed off.

Mother hen didn't even offer to help with the tip.  I know where she works, though, and I'm going to pick up each and every one of her hot coworkers.


  1. She makes them scrub their faces....with her bush.

  2. love the story. I met someone very similar who owned a beauty salon aged 23. So young and niave although she thought we was the greatest business women. She wouldnt shut up about how independant she was so i left her to it

  3. "I dated a guy for almost two months, once. He tried to make me decide between himself and work."

    Or that's what he told her after he got her back to his place and during naked time her snatch oozed the unmistakable odor of dysentery and dead goats.

  4. She is a retail manager. She probably isn't making more than $12/hr. That's why she acts like that, she is trying to convince herself that she is of some value. Take some joy in that knowledge and go have fun with her hot employees!

  5. Seven-Thirty8/26/2010 10:57 AM

    Now, Fizziks, I chuckled at your first comment, but the second one sounds, well, just bitter. My advice -- and I know you didn't ask for it -- is to go a martial arts gym and work up a sweat. Every time you lay a blow, just tell yourself the bag is Seven-Thirty getting a getting a head job.

    Cosmetics, yuck.

  6. ^My advice, and you're clearly prodding for it, is to stop modifying traffic cones into butt plugs for your leisure activities.

  7. Perhaps she should change the name of the break room to "The OSHA Violation room" or maybe "The Bored Room" ... that would be a nice play on words. I like the term "makeup tricks" Those are not tricks, it's called makeup bitch. That is what it is suppose to do. Sounds like Mother Hen needs a Poppa Cock in the worst way.

  8. @ Seven-thirty - My advice is that every time you blow a lay you tell yourself it's pudding they're shooting into your mouth and five dollars a cock is good money. (Couldn't resist the "lay a blow" "blow a lay" play on words)

    Good move OP but I think the last line of this story was particularly childish and stupid.

  9. "Retail manager" is another way to say "college dropout".

  10. Every employee of a boss likes this imagines this happens to their awful boss. Good work, sir.

  11. Another bitch who thinks she's Queen of the World and deserves more than everyone else and expects everyone to kowtow to her. Taking a break in the break room? Who the hell do they think they are? Everyone who does better than her in any way MUST be doing it on purpose to make her look bad. Working hard to make good wages? Preposterous! Wearing nicer make-up? How dare they!

  12. I don't know, Architect, I rather like the idea that he's going to go into her job, where she treats her employees like shit every day, and he's going to obviously flirt with her hotter employees after rejecting her on the first date for being a horrible person. Now, granted, she would probably fire those girls for some made up reason (which would be a cover for the REAL reason), but honestly, those girls should probably leave that place anyway. Yeah, we're in a recession, but that doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of mall jobs available. After all, the college and high school kids are going back to work soon, so that'll open up a few positions at the GAP.

    Overall, an excellent story. I love when self-absorbed assholes get what's coming to them. :)

  13. Oh, and because no one has mentioned it yet, I give you something highly relevant to our interests:

    Dear Prudie:
    I am an Asian girl about to enter high school. I have always done well academically, excluding math. However, my social skills consist of being awkward, talking to myself—especially about my novel-in-progress—not being able to tell whether someone is talking to me, and avoiding eye contact. When I was younger, I did not understand when people were being sarcastic and was often suckered into making a fool of myself; I have been emotionally bullied to this day. My best friend recently advised me to research Asperger's syndrome. I took several tests online, and they all said that I have a very high likelihood. I think things could be improved if my parents understood that I have special needs, however they treat the mentally ill as inferior. Should I tell them? And how do I bring up the possibility I have a mental disorder?

    —Paranoid Potential Aspie

    Dear Potential,
    If you do have Asperger's, you already know it can give you special strengths, but the attendant social difficulties can cause acute pain. Your parents may indeed be resistant to the idea that you have a disorder, but there is a world of help out there, so persevering with them could have a big pay-off. You should approach your parents as if you are preparing a presentation for class. Print out some of the tests you've taken and articles about Asperger's. You might find help from others who have been through this at support groups. Wrongplanet.net and OASIS @ MAAP are two places to start. Tell your parents what Asperger's is, why you think you have it, and that you want to be diagnosed so you can get treatment to make your life better. Ask them to accompany you for a talk with your school counselor to get things started. Your life may be harder than "neurotypical" kids, but you have a lot of positives to build on, such as your strong academic performance, a good friend who understands you, and a novel you're working on. For inspiration, read this marvelous novel: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, about a brilliant young man with Asperger's. Writer Tim Page's memoir Parallel Play: Growing Up With Undiagnosed Asperger's should also be on your list. As should The Big Short, about our recent financial meltdown. In it, Dr. Michael Burry emerges as one of the few investors in the country to see what was coming—and much of his ability to pore over the numbers everyone else was ignoring came from the amazing focus Asperger's gave him.

  14. Howie Feltersnatch8/26/2010 5:27 PM

    Don't mean to make you blush, OP...but did you makeup this story? Is there an underlying-themed concealer involved here? Do you know why girls rub their eyes in the morning?

    Helpful tip Corner:
    Never go down on a girl first thing in the morning...it's much like pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich.

    Discuss amongst yourselves.

  15. Howie Feltersnatch8/26/2010 5:29 PM

    Oops...I meant to delete my question above prior to posting, so I will post the obvious answer:

    Because they don't have balls to scratch.

    That is all!

  16. ^^creeeeeeepy^^

  17. ^Damn, even *I* don't get that unnecessarily hateful.

  18. 9:34, you need to stop dating chicks with improperly placed urethras.

  19. I don't know, Fizziks...I remember reading somewhere (probably on WebMD) that peeing right after your gentleman friend cums inside of you helps lower your chances of getting a yeast infection after unprotected sex.

    *blink blink* There are so many horrible, dark places I could go with this information, but I think I'll just stay in your vagina, the only horrible, dark place where I really feel comfortable.

  20. Snuggle right on up to my cervix, Nikki, if it makes you feel safe, just stay the hell away from my stash of doughnuts.

  21. A woman like that will make life heck for any woman under her that agrees to go out on a date with any man that she's previously been out with.

    This is obvious to me, and I believe to the OP as well. He dosen't mention this because, frankly, he could care less.

    This is a perfect example of why you should never date anyone connected to your work. People like the ones in this date (yes, both of them) don't care if you lose your job, car, or apartment. In fact, that would just make for a more funny story.

    Not to mention it's entirely inapproriate to persue someone romanticly while they are working.

    Sure, love knows no bounds and has been known to find it's way in the office, but let's be real here.

    You can't pay the rent with love.

  22. ^^A valid point, but the OP and date didn't work together. We who suggest he bang her coworkers out of spite are (mostly, I hope) kidding. It's obvious she'd ruin those poor women's lives.

    I think you might have a mascara wand up your rear end. Might want to have that looked at. :P


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