The Leather of Two Evils

Submitted by Ian:

Tanya's first message to me online was, "Did you used to have a ponytail?"

My response to her was, "No."

Her reply to that was, "Okay.  Let's meet up."

I checked out her profile, and she seemed worth spending time with, even if her first messages came across as unusual.  Maybe she was just quirky.  Like a good quirky.

She turned out to be bad quirky.  We had agreed to meet up at a local park, and the date wasn't too bad to start with.

Not too long into our walk, she took my hand and said, "Your skin looks and feels like leather."

I wasn't sure whether or not she meant it as a compliment, but for the moment, I kept our hands intertwined as we walked on.

She said, "I'm going to call you leather-hands."

"Please don't."

She said, "It's okay.  Your hands are just leathery, leathery, leathery.  I like it, leather-hands."

I asked her, "Can I come up with a nickname for you?"

"Not leather-hands.  That one's taken."

"Okay," and the first name that popped into my mind was, "Blue-head."

She shook her head and said, "I don't like that one."

"Well, I don't like leather-hands."

She protested, "But your hands are like fucking leather.  My head isn't blue."

I decided to change the subject.  "How's work?"

"Don't change the subject, leather-hands.  My head isn't blue.  I want to hear you say it."

"Fine.  You head isn't blue."

She barely spoke to me for the rest of the date, although she kept a firm grip on my hand.  The rest of the date, incidentally, was about another five minutes, when we reached the end of the park and she said, "That's as far as I go."  She gave me a big hug and said, "Have a good life," and walked briskly away.

I noticed recently that she put up a new profile picture of herself.  It's a regular photo, but it has a heavy blue tint.  Strange.


  1. Hahaha. I like her.

  2. She's weird, but she sounds like a lot of fun. You should have kept her as a friend, at least.

  3. I agree, both of you made me laugh :D

  4. Weird . . . I wonder why she asked about the ponytail at the beginning. Bad experience or something weird like the whole "Leather Hands" thing?

  5. I'll bet she was trying to hint at something sexual and you didn't pick up on it.

  6. ^ Yeah, something sexual like "All that chronic masturbation sure has made your hands leathery. Might want to give that little fella a rest."

  7. Seven-thirty8/02/2010 6:09 PM

    The OP might consider changing his profile by adding something like "affectionate man with leathery hands seeks long-term relationship with blue-headed girl."

  8. "Have a good life" - what an awesome thing to say in that situation :)

  9. OP, this sounds like the straight to tv sequel to a certain blockbuster movie.

    "Tsaheylu Say Hey Who? Seeking My Hometree: The Neytiri Story, a Lifetime Original Movie"

    "A bi-species young girl/thing trying to find her way in the dating world meets a man without a neural connector but the hands of a tree-lover. Trying awkwardly to fit in she masks her true colors but can't mask her true....emotions!"

    I know Fizziks would love this!...and all the cake she'd eat watching it on repeat.


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