Cream, Sugar, and Acrimony

Submitted by Rona:

Andy was a regular at the coffee shop where I worked.  He always came in wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase.  Sometimes he would sit down and read the paper, but most times he would take his coffee, give me a smile, sometimes a wink, and then head out.

One Saturday, he came in wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

"Andy," I said, "I've never seen you looking like this."

He and I started talking, and I offered to take my break so that we could talk a little bit more.

We took a walk and he asked me out.  I really liked him, so I said yes.  He and I decided to go out the very next day, my day off.

He picked me up, looking sharp.  We drove into town, and he parked right around the corner from the coffee shop.  We walked down the sidewalk and he entered the coffee shop.

"What are we doing?" I asked him.

He turned to me and said, "Dinner.  They make great sandwiches in this little shop of yours."

I said, "Is it okay if we do dinner someplace else?"

It wasn't so much that my coworkers would see me, but more the fact that, well, I worked there six days a week.  I'm sure that Andy's heart was in the right place, but it seemed like he could've used just a bit more imagination regarding where we went for our first date.

He answered, "No.  I really like the sandwiches here, and their desserts are cheap and delicious.  We can get more than one, each.  My treat."

I said, "I'd really prefer it if we went elsewhere.  We can split the bill.  I don't care."

"I'm not cheap.  Is that what you're saying?"

"No!  I just don't want to have a date where I work!"

"Why not?  Let's talk about this."

Dude, just let it go.  There are so many reasons why it would've been a mistake.  I tried a different tack.

"There's a seafood restaurant just outside of town that's shaped like a boat.  I've always wanted to try it."

He said, "I have.  It's crap.  This place makes the best sandwiches.  Come on."

He started inside, but I wasn't going to cave in.  He said, "What's the problem?  Can't you just do this for me?"

I said, "I'm not going in there."

He said, "Well, I am.  I want a sandwich.  In ten seconds, I'll bet that you'll be right behind me."  He walked inside.

Ten seconds later, I was on my way home.


  1. Did you hop on your broomstick and fly away home?

  2. Ick - he sounds like a clueless control freak if there ever was one. Glad you walked away.

  3. I agree with 10:35. What would possess this guy to think she would want to eat there? Also, an unwillingness to compromise is never a good sign.

  4. Sandwiches are for lunch. Dinner? C'mon dude.

  5. Sounds like you saved yourself the trouble of dumping this loser later. If he won't compromise on something this simple, he won't compromise on important things later. Chances are he was either broke or cheap.

  6. He also probably thought he was gonna get the sandwiches and dessert for free.

  7. Just because you make the sandwiches and serve them doesn't mean you've tried them...

  8. ^It's not about the sandwiches. Dates are supposed to be fun and interesting, not a re-creation of your work day. The only difference here was that she wasn't behind the counter.

    This was only slightly better than someone taking you on a date to your house. That would be the worst.

  9. Anon 12:14's house must suck. I'd much rather go to a date in my house than at my office.

  10. Maybe she hasn't tried the sandwiches (although I highly doubt that), but she makes them every day. She doesn't want the same sandwich she's made thousands of times on a date.

  11. Talk about a control freak. Rona gave him more than enough logical reasons why she didn't want to have dinner at her workplace.

    This dude is a tool.

  12. Rona - Zing! Nicely said.

    OP, I'd say you dodged a bullet, but that bullet only hits it's own target.

  13. Seven-Thirty8/10/2010 7:03 PM

    The OP never seemed to see the guy with anyone else, pals, co-workers. He always seemed to frequent the place by himself. Sounds like a lonely guy.

    His inability to understand that most people don't want to spend their free time at work hints that something was wrong with the clockwork.

    It is faintly possible that he had something interesting to say about the associations he had with the restaurant and why it was special for him because of her. She may have missed out by not being patient but probably not.

  14. He sounds a bit like some kind of obsessive-compulsive, Asperger-type personality. He likes his sandwiches there, and gets anxious if he has to change his routine.

    Maybe he was going to propose, hoping to snag her and the sandwiches for life :) (assuming she made the sandwiches there)

  15. WTF sandwiches and desserts thats a lunch not a dinner

  16. Seven-thirty, she probably missed out on being raped.

    And why the hell didn't this bitch make the guy a god-damned sammich? She's all "I have wants and opinions" when she really just needs to learn her place...

  17. Seven Thirty, I couldn't have said it better myself.

  18. I feel he is missing his picnic and seeking a sandwich

  19. Seven-Thirty & Married, why do you two immediately jump to "he has Aspberger's?" 7:30, you're especially guilty of this all the time. Just b/c some dude doesn't go into a coffee shop with friends or coworkers doesn't make him lonely. Just because he refuses to go somewhere else on a date, doesn't make him have a social disorder; it just means he's a cheap asshole.

    The worst part is, he probably kept coming into the coffee shop after this, pretending like nothing weird had happened. He just seems like that type. No shame.

  20. ^^"The worst part is, he probably kept coming into the coffee shop after this"

    ...What? Why would he be ashamed if he couldn't understand that she wouldn't like a date at her own work in the first place? That's like talking to a guy who didn't understand basic communication and expecting him to understand the reasoning behind why things would be awkward later.

  21. I would really like to know if he ever returned to the coffee shop. And I think OP was absolutely right to request not to be taken to work on their date. I don't do work that's remotely similar to hers, but I sure as hell know I don't want to be anywhere near my office when I'm supposed to be out having an enjoyable time.

  22. Ugh. Has anyone else noticed (not just in this forum) that Asberger's is being brought up as a reason for things being awkward? I'm not saying we shouldn't be sensitive for to one's condition but I worry that it's going to become an excuse for someone acting like they don't care vs not acting like they don't understand.

    OP, this guy seemed cavalier about wanting to go in and pushy. Some people just have their heads so far up their asses it should be called Ass-Burgers. Or Ouroboros for the more polite company.

  23. "He said, "Well, I am. I want a sandwich. In ten seconds, I'll bet that you'll be right behind me." He walked inside."

    Yeeeah... that's not Aspergers. That's Asshole. Subtle yet important difference between the two. Do some research, you may be able to figure it out on your own someday.

  24. Seven-Thirty8/11/2010 7:37 PM

    I never said a word about Asperger's, though it is a plausible explanation. He may simply have been cheap. Another explanation is that he was infatuated with the "girl in coffee shop".

  25. /bow

    My fragile ego thanks you.

  26. Was this in Baltimore?


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