Submitted by April:
This occurred on my second date with Dorian. He was smart, funny, very cute, and also a tennis pro.
Before we met up for lunch, he had been playing tennis all morning. After the meal, we went for a brief walk and when he returned me to my car and hugged me goodbye, I smelled something that made my nose hairs curl. I told him, "Wow, you must have had quite a workout this morning!"
He stared blankly at me. I, naturally, keep going, "You really stink, honey." (I am nothing if not smooth).
He then said, "I took a shower and changed before I left work."
I went on, suavely, "I don't think so."
I made it back to my office and realized that I was the one who stank to high heaven. It was my own fault for leaving my clothes in the washer overnight and then drip-drying them.
Not only had I totally insulted this lovely man, but I was really smelly and he never said a word. He called later that night and enjoyed my apology.
Hahaha oh wow, smooth OP!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of those stories I'd love to see the other point of view on.
"On my Second date with April she stank to high heaven but I never said a thing. At the end of the date she accused ME of smelling badly, her embarrassed apology when she realised later and called me was hilarious"
It sounds like YOU were the bad date here, OP!
ReplyDeleteLooks like Dorian dodged a bullet!
Rape!
terrible story... just awful.
ReplyDeleteGreat story. Believable too!!
ReplyDeleteWhy would that make your clothes smell? I'm a little confused here. If they were washed in soap and left in the washer for just one night, they should have been fine. Did you drip dry them next to a garbage dump?
ReplyDelete@ Fizziks - I can vouch for that ;-)
ReplyDeleteIt is tough to know some times where exactly a smell is coming from. I was in an elevator once and smelled something really foul, but I was the only person in there. I sniffed around and ultimately discovered that my cat had peed on my shirt during the night and that the awful smell was coming from me. Not fun.
@ 11:29
ReplyDeleteI have, a couple of times, left my clothes in the washer too long. When they come out of the dryer they smell exactly like vomit. Try it yourself!
OP, so did you guys continue to go out after that? He sounds like a good catch there. Too bad if things didn't work out.
ReplyDelete@11:29: I learned this the hard way in middle school because I did my own laundry and always forgot about it. When you wash it, it's clean, but leave it in the wash too long and the humidity, present moisture, etc cause it become like capsuled gym socks. Then, as we often do, we put it in the dryer and think it's ok. All it does is vacuum seal the grossness in. It seeps out like a slight pungent, lingering smell that you can't quite pin where from, depending on moisture. Like Fizzik's mom. Everything's ok right?
ReplyDeleteNope! Wearing the clothes, as soon as you perspire or are in moist air, it unlocks the hidden scent and comes out full force! It's like those little rubber dinosaurs you throw in water and they turn huge! Except instead of pterodactyl fun and growth, you smell like pterodactyl cum and gross!
I've also known roommates and siblings prank each other this way when they knew the other was on a long trip.
ReplyDeleteCan't we go for one day on this site without referencing pterodactyl semen?
ReplyDelete^How are we supposed to avoid mention of your revolutionary diet shake?
ReplyDeleteConsidering mining pterodactyl semen is the main source of income for many of us, Jared, I'd say no. When you spend 60+ grueling hours a week jerking off dead flying dinosaurs, it tends to consume your conversational topics.
ReplyDeleteFizziks: I'm SUPER GLAD to know now that it wasn't ME who smelled like gym socks mixed with spoiled taint on our IRL date! WHEW!
I, too, would like to know how long after your faux pas you and your tennis pro (rowr) dated!
so Nikki . . . bees CAN sting you after their dead?
ReplyDeleteDid no one else catch the reference to durian fruit? A fruit so pungent it is banned in some countries.
ReplyDeletelol Good job Jared.
Its just banned from eating it in public places
ReplyDeletekidda
Anon 5:53 - Their dead what? :-D
ReplyDelete-Baku-chan
Even fosilized pterodactyl semen has a faintly unpleasant odor.
ReplyDelete^It's only unpleasant when you first start out. After 20 years in the mines, you come to like it.
ReplyDeleteIt's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate dead pterodactyls for Jared's diet shakes.
ReplyDelete"Considering mining pterodactyl semen is the main source of income for many of us, Jared, I'd say no. When you spend 60+ grueling hours a week jerking off dead flying dinosaurs, it tends to consume your conversational topics."
ReplyDeleteDammit, now everyone in the office is wondering why I'm laughing out loud.
Thanks!
Love the "Clerks" reference, Architect! Did you know that line was originally written as "That's why I kill Chinamen for the railroad"? No shit.
ReplyDeleteGlad to help, Mastiff. :) All too often, I find myself in the same position at work, giggling into my hands and hoping no one asks why my face is red.
Did not know that Nikki! Good to know and I'd hoped someone would catch the reference. ;-)
ReplyDeleteNikki, would you please stop referring to Fizziks' vajay as "the mines?"
ReplyDelete^Between the Balroc and the mynocks I've come call Fizzik's poon:
ReplyDelete"it that shall always maim...VAGEMORT!"
Why are you already calling him "honey" on the second date?
ReplyDelete@1:27...you're not from the south apparently
ReplyDelete