Dinner Party of the Damned

Submitted by Raymond:

Melanie and I met at my mechanic's while we were both having work done on our cars.  She was earning an MBA at a nearby university and I ran a small business, supplying housekeeping staff to various local hotels, colleges, etc.  We both had a lot to talk about, and I was really pleased to get her number.

On our first date, I took her out to a nice restaurant on a river.  We had a good chat.  She told me that she was interested in starting her own business herself, a catering franchise or a bakery.

This prompted me to ask her what she considered to be her culinary specialties.  She then offered to make me dinner.  I took that to mean that she liked me enough not only for a second date, but to have that second date at one of our places of residence.  Great so far.  She even kissed me goodnight.

The second date took place at my apartment.  We split the cost of ingredients, and she went to work in my kitchen.  I asked her if I could help, but she shooed me away.  I was very glad to have her over.  Things were looking good.

A knock at my door.  Strange.  I lived alone and wasn't expecting anyone.  I opened it, and a young woman I had never seen before stood there.

"Hi!" she said, "Is Melanie here?"

I called for Melanie, and she came in from the kitchen.  Melanie embraced the girl and introduced her as her friend, Brianna.  "I invited her over to share dinner," Melanie explained, "I hope you don't mind."

I was a bit disappointed, as I was hoping that this would be a date between just Melanie and I.  Also, I never minded house guests, but I was a bit surprised that Melanie sprang this on me without prior notice.  Well, maybe Melanie was nervous, and had invited Brianna along for moral support.  Or something.

Brianna sat down at the kitchen counter and asked Melanie, "Who else did you invite?"

Melanie glanced at me and said, "Jeff, Amy, and Trent."

"Wait..." I began.

Amy interrupted, "Trent?  You seriously invited Trent?"

Apparently, Brianna and Trent had a history, and an unpleasant one at that.  They were on-again, off-again lovers, and this was an "off-again" period.

I took Melanie aside to ask her how the date had turned into a dinner party.

"I didn't think you'd mind," was her explanation.

I told her that I didn't mind meeting new people, but that it was a bit of an imposition to spring a dinner party on me in my own home.  I didn't think that we had enough food to go around.

Melanie told me not to worry, that she'd make it work, and that I should talk to Brianna while Melanie busied herself in the kitchen.

After talking with Brianna for 20 minutes, I think that I ended up learning more about her than even her parents knew about her.  She told me all about how Trent had mistreated her, how Trent was an asshole, how Trent cheated on her, and how she hoped that Trent would ask her to sleep with him again.

Not long after, Jeff, Amy, and Trent arrived.  Jeff and Amy were a couple, and were very into each other.  Trent popped open one of my beers without so much as asking for my permission, and promptly disappeared with Brianna in the direction of my bathroom.

I was becoming more and more frustrated, and I told Melanie that the food in my house wasn't purchased for her friends.  She became upset and told me that I was being unreasonable.  "What's the problem with an impromptu dinner party?" she asked.

I didn't want to cause an issue, so I let things lie.  Melanie was doing all of the cooking, after all.  However, Melanie then said something that caught me off guard:

"They're my friends, so you're just going to have to get used to it.  They all have keys to my place; they can come and go as they please.  I'd expect you to do the same thing for them."

I was so taken aback that I didn't know what to say.  I left the kitchen to collect my thoughts.

When I returned to my living room, Jeff and Amy were almost on top of each other, and they asked me about myself, what I did, etc.  Amy had this habit of nodding her head constantly, as if everything I said was amazing.  Jeff rubbed Amy's back non-stop and said, "Wow," or, "You go, boy!" after everything that I said.  It irritated me.

I went into my bathroom.  As half-expected, Trent and Brianna were inside.  They were talking, but Brianna was topless.  She covered herself up with her arms when I walked in, and Trent, sipping from my beer, said, "Do you mind?  We're trying to talk."

"Excuse me?" I asked, as I wanted to give him a chance to take it back.

He leaned in and said, loudly and slowly, "Private conversation.  Leave."

That did it.  I snapped.  I said, "No.  You leave.  This is my house.  You don't come in here, drink my beer, occupy my bathroom, and talk to me that way.  Get the hell out."

He reached his hand as if to put it on my shoulder.  I smacked it away.  He stood up and swung at me, but he was too slow.  I grabbed the back of his shirt and flung him out of my bathroom.  He smashed against the wall in the hallway.  Brianna screamed, and Trent shouted, "What the hell, man?"

I yelled, "Get out!  You think I'm joking?  You're not welcome here!"

Melanie jumped out of the kitchen, which smelled like burnt fish, and yelled at me, "Who the hell do you think you are?  Why are you so hell-bent on ruining everything?  What's wrong with me inviting some friends over?"

I pointed at Trent.  "This guy comes in here, doesn't even introduce himself, helps himself to my things, talks down to me in my own house?  No.  He leaves."

Trent stepped right up to my face and said, "You're a real asshole man.  A real asshole."

He shoved me.  I punched him, hard, in the jaw.  He stumbled backward and yelled, "What the hell, man?" over and over.

Jeff and Amy attended to Trent as Melanie yanked me aside.  "What the hell is your god damn problem?" she hissed.

I couldn't believe it.  We were all in the same room together.  Did she not see that he had shoved me first?  "He shoved me first!" I said.

She threw her hands up and shoved past me.  "Fine, if that's how you want it."  She turned to her friends and said, "Come on, everyone.  Let's go."

Jeff and Amy were out the door first, followed by Trent, who turned to me as he left and said, "I know where you live, man."

I replied, "You're welcome anytime you want me to kick your ass again."

Brianna, now with her blouse on, ducked out next, and Melanie, last of all, shot me a final look and said, "Good bye," before closing the door.

Worst of all, I couldn't expunge the smell of burnt fish from my place for days.


  1. Sounds like you were the bad date here..

  2. Good story. I think I would have done the exact same thing. People are crazy.

  3. For one dude, I can't believe that you had that much patience to let that go on. You've got a lot of patience man, I commend you. You just became my hero for that ass whipping you dished out!

  4. She's getting her MBA and has no common sense at all? She won't be successful. This type of oblivious attitude will get her nowhere in the corporate world. I've seen people like her fired and tossed out too many times to count.

  5. I am just so stunned by how rude she was and how classless her friends where!

  6. Sounds like hippie swingers to me

  7. Syn: if you use "for one..", you should use "for two.." later on in your text. Just sayin'..

  8. She was definitely rude in turning it into a party without so much as telling you, much less actually consulting with you.

    In her friends' meager defense, they probably didn't know you had no knowledge of what was going on so were probably behaving in a manner that was already deemed acceptable to Melanie. It makes no excuse for rudeness, but it took all of you to turn it to the physical. Not cool.

  9. As far as I'm concerned, OP is a pushover for even letting things get to that point. I used to be like that and learned... the second random people are showing up at my house and drinking my beer without asking, I'd be escorting them right back out the door. No time to stop and "think about it"...

  10. Good story!

  11. Thanks for the tip anonymous, but I didn't need to go any further. Thanks for taking the time to criticize someone in the comment section when it has nothing to do with the bad date, cheers!

  12. I hate it when people that were invited to my house (okay, in this case not by the owner) help themselves to something to drink and expect privacy in the bathroom.

  13. Dear Pipe Dream,

    Can I see a picture of your third thumb? Crazy shit like pterodactyly gets me hot.



  14. @11:17 I think it's ectrodactyly or polydactyly.

    But I'd also like to see pterodactyly. CAWWW!!!! *SWISHHHH* (This is what I imagine pterodactyls sound like.)

    I'm with JD - you got to kick some dick's ass. You didn't get laid, but you got a little justice. No one likes surprise assholes.

  15. The way I see it Raymond went from Clark Kent to Superman, or Bruce Banner to The Incredible Hulk.. either way awesome bad date story.

  16. I would have kicked her out the moment she informed me that she was planning to throw a party without asking first. What a psycho she is. I'm glad she likes her trashy friends though because that is all she is ever going to have. No man in his right mind would put up with that shit.

  17. Great story.

    @8:32am If you feel a need to be an anonymous douchenozzle, that's cool. Just be creative.

    "Sounds like you were the bad date here.."

    Really? That's the best you could come up with? I would have had more respect for you if you had just said "First!"

  18. Now you know why MBAs from devry and university of phoenix are worthless.

  19. ^^ you're right about THAT!!!^^

  20. Thanks, nomatophobia. I thought "pterodactyly" sounded wrong, but you are right in that it would be pretty fuckin' awesome to see.

    "Surprise assholes" would also be an interesting medical condition to see.

    -Mistaken Anonymous

  21. Consider yourself lucky that you did not get into that abyss of dysfunction. Couples that make and break up, hang out with each other constantly, and some psycho chick who does not understand boundaries and assumes you'll let your place be a crashpad. Wow, true horror story.

  22. Anybody ever talked to me like that in my own house and they would have been gumming Melanie's next meal.

  23. Pretty much the best way this could have turned out. Good job, OP. That girl and her friends acted like white men in a red man's land. Screw them.

  24. Seriously, this was one of the best date stories on here in a long time. More satisfying than seeing France get their butts whipped in the World Cup.

  25. Seven-thirty6/18/2010 6:42 PM

    The irony is that every weekend all across America some unlucky parents who go out return home to find their teen-aged kids' friends have partied hard in their home without permission and destroyed and/or stolen lots of stuff.

    No wonder the pattern goes on in new forms even after they move from home.

  26. The "burned fish" smell was your date's vagina. She sprayed on the side of your refrigerator, to mark her territory.

  27. this is the best post I've read on here for ages, good for you OP, you handled it completely reasonably, patiently until you UNLEASHED THE BEAST!!!

  28. Bravo...great story and good job standing up for yourself while still trying to be polite. Are you still single? I'm another Melanie but I promise any dinner parties will be between the two of us.

  29. ^ Haven't you learned your lesson from reading dates on here to not participate in online dating?

  30. that's good story if she said i have more friends coming over i would just told her to get out of my house

  31. OP has single handedly justified coming back to this website. You are an American hero.


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