Always Ask What Your Date Does

Submitted by Elena:

I met George at a friend's party about 6 months ago. He was unbelievably good-looking and most certainly charming. When he asked me out for the following weekend, I agreed.

I had just graduated from the Police Academy a few months before, and didn't really think it was necessary to tell someone right off the bat that I was a cop, for fear that it might scare them off from asking me out.  So I decided to wait and see how the date went before I told him (if he didn't ask first).

Well, he didn't ask, but maybe he should have...

We decided to go to dinner and then maybe get a few drinks. Dinner went fairly well, so we went to a nice bar in the nearby city afterward.

As soon as we got there, he ordered three shots and slammed them down within the first two minutes of being there. He had another two shots about 15 minutes later. Red flag #1: we were supposed to be getting to know each other, not getting black-out wasted. But he loosened up a bit, and so I took this as an opening to learn some things about him.

We got on the subject of his past. This is when I found out that he was currently AWOL from the Marine Corps, and that the cops were looking for him. Astonished, I asked him why he had left and what had happened.

It turned out, he was on leave from the Marines a month before, and while he was home, he got a little bit too drunk (surprise, surprise!). "Things got out of hand," he told me, "and before I knew it, I was being accused of aggravated rape and manslaughter. I didn't do it, so I had no choice but to skip bail, and now here I am, having to hide from everyone. I swear I didn't do it. I need you to believe me."

When I told him that he was under arrest, he laughed, thinking that I was joking. I wasn't. Last I heard, he's still awaiting trial.


  1. Wow, rape and manslaughter?? That is not a case of "they said I was speeding but I wasn't." Sounds like you did a service to society. It also sounds like that fool shouldn't be quite so open about the details of his past (telling your first date that you're hiding from the law? really?)

  2. Actually, 6:03, I went into the Police Academy with my Bachelor's in Criminal Justice. : ) The only people who hate cops are the people who are doing something wrong. You won't hate them when one day you need to call 911 for something.

  3. BAM Elena smackdown! With the B.A. for the WIN!!!!!

  4. That was brilliant! Both the post and the comment.

  5. I agree with Elena's comment. I mean, I've run into a few mean cops in my day, but they're just mean people. They don't represent all cops. My father-in-law is a cop, and the cook-outs with his buddies from the force are all a blast. Most of them are nice, average people just like you and me. Also, I'm finishing up my BA in Psychology from Dartmouth, and I'm considering entering into the Police Academy. Never assume someone is uneducated based on their career.

  6. Nice one, good to see someone being vigilant.

  7. This one was flippin' great, Elena!!

  8. "The only people who hate cops are the people who are doing something wrong."

    Disagree. Occupations like the police force and the military tend to attract two types; good, honest people who want to make the world a safer place, and bullies who enjoy feeling powerful.

    Also, one night my husband and I were followed home by someone he'd accidentally cut off in traffic. We assumed it was some violent asshole who was going to try and hurt my husband or damage his car, so when we pulled into our driveway and noticed a police car cruising by the front of our house, he ran to flag it down. Next thing I know he's being frisked while the officer's partner has her hand on her gun. We're extremely distrustful of police now because the one time we needed help, he was threatened with lethal force.

  9. you folks ever watch the show Cops? Pay attention sometimes when there are like 8 cops and 1 perp. they are playing tug-o-war with the guy and each cop thinks he is resisting, when it is actually another cop yanking him the other way. and when they pick him up off the ground he is usually bleeding. good stuff!

  10. Just like everything else in the world, there are assholes and there are good people. I've met my share of asshole cops, especially since i'm from a small town and they have nothing better to do then give tickets for going 32 in a 30, but i've also met cops who have saved me from pretty dangerous situations, or i've had pretty good conversations with.

  11. Hilarious. Any way we can get George to write up his version of the date?

  12. Most of the time when I've needed help from the police, they either cannot help or will not. However, when they're not needed, they're around to give a ticket for pretty petty stuff. But hey, I guess the town has got to make money somehow. Might as well send a swarm of idiots with guns (you know, people who think "criminal justice" is an important major in college... sorta like underwater basket weaving...) to rack up a paycheck for the local government.

    They're pretty quick to give themselves a bit of self-importance though. You know, out there "risking their lives" daily to "serve and protect the innocent." Giving speeding tickets and stopping litterers is pretty risky stuff, ya know.

  13. Seven-thirty6/21/2010 6:23 AM

    Elena must be pretty tough. Presumably she didn't have weapon with her. But I suppose the guy was floored by the surprise element.

    A world without police? Yikes that'd be scary. The police in some countries are just self-important bullies and crooks in uniform. Russian, Mexican and Chinese police could sure use a few more B.A.s in criminal justice.

    Are women cops sexy? Can they turn off the physical body language that says "I am tough, I am authority" at the end of the day?

  14. That's karma for ya! Haha, the guy deserved it. Love it. Good story!

  15. Loved the story, fully expected the comments. What a fantastic first date!

    Out of curiosity, the people hating on cops...could we at least agree that Elena was right to arrest this psycho? Or are you going to say that it's "entrapment?"

  16. Really, Zack De La Rocha? We'd have been more enlightened by the rhymes of Raphael de la Ghetto - let's get some barbecue and get busy. And brevity is the soul of wit, hon.

    Nikki, you're asking people that complain "cops never help" on a story where a cop arrested a guy that skipped bail on aggravated (not attempted!) rape and manslaughter charges - I'm thinking we already know the answer.

  17. I called the police to report a guy beating the crap out of his girlfriend on his front lawn of a shady neighborhood I used to live in while in college.
    I mistakenly told them I lived across the street. The first thing the cops do? Come and knock on my door, asking me to point out the guy.

    Not a fan.

  18. I'm a big fan of the cop that knocked on the window of the car where I was getting busy (behind the Maryland Historical Society after hours, nonetheless) and asked (twice for good measure, with plenty of eye contact) if everyone was in the car b/c he/she *wanted* to be. After I gave assurances that things were kosher, he said, "All right then, have a good night" and went on his way. I thought that that was delightfully decent, considering we were trespassing.

  19. You guys can hate on cops all you want. And I'll even admit that some of them are on a power trip. HOWEVER, most of us are normal people just like you who go into the Academy with the purpose of making the streets a better place. Yes, I've given out my fair share of tickets, but I've also arrested quite a few people who could be doing YOU harm right now if they were still on the streets. Like I said before, you may have your bad encounters with police, but that doesn't mean every cop is an "asshole." At one point, in all your lives, a cop will help you and you'll be grateful. End of story.

    @6:23: I actually always carry my weapon and handcuffs with me, even when I'm off duty. Some cops don't, but being a woman who may come across certain encounters like this date, I feel that I need to. And yes, we can most certainly turn off the tough exterior at the end of the day. Getting dressed up and putting on some heels reminds me that I'm still a woman too, and not just a cop. : )

  20. Seven-thirty6/21/2010 4:21 PM

    Thanks for your willingness to explain/elaborate. You sound like you've really got your feet on the ground.

  21. Really Elena? You know for a fact that I will be grateful to police someday? Should I have been grateful when I had to watch helplessly while a cop continued to assualy my friend in handcuffs because they received a report that a black man was looking in parked cars and we were in the area? One of the scariest days of my life. I thought they were going to kill him.

    Or maybe it was after my house was robbed at gunpoint, called the cops, and they proceeded to accuse me of havign a drug deal go wrong on my own damned place. Cuz calling the cops after a drug deal is the best thing to do. BTW robbed in daylight and the cops didnt even ask my neighbors if they saw anything.

    You know what makes a good cop? Humility, and you do not have it.

  22. It was said in one ridiculous statement that everyone who doesn't like cops is doing something wrong. A few of us chimed in, noting that we didn't like cops - not because we were doing anything wrong - but a cop or two or three had wronged us.
    I get a little testy when someone paints a giant fucking red target on my house for reporting some dipshit for beating up his girlfriend. This isn't the end of it. Cops are always doing hilarious shit like this in my city.

    Now suddenly we're rapists sympathizers because we don't like cops.

    We're even now, as we are all able to generalize each other.

    Not that any of "haters" were even responding to your sweet choice of dates.

  23. Anon 5:55

    Really? More terrible than an asshole who confessed to being AWOL and on the run from the police for rape and manslaughter charges? "I'm innocent!" Yeah, right.


  24. Nocturnesthesia6/21/2010 7:42 PM

    Yeah I have to say that was a lucky catch...or unlucky depending on how you view it. I bet that made one hell of a police report though. Was on a date with suspect; he proceeded to get hammered and confess to a few felonies so I picked him up"... Hahaha brilliant.

    And yeah, cops aren't different than any other demographic, some are great helpful people, some are arrogant jerks, and yes, some will let their anger cloud their judgment and wail on suspects. I live in one of the most crime-ridden cities in the country but for every case of police brutality I've seen, there's been 10 instances where I've seen a cop go well out of their way to help someone...

  25. @5:06 and 6:13: Like I said, not ALL cops are like that. People who say they hate ALL cops are ignorant and are probably doing something wrong. People who have had bad experiences and don't like SOME cops just have an opinion. If you're willing to admit that not all cops are like that, then that's fine. But generalizing all cops into one category is just plain ignorant. It's kind of like categorizing all black people, or all white people, or all gay people into one category. It's wrong. There are some nice cops who do their job as they should, so I stand by my statement that if you're not willing to admit that, then you're probably doing something wrong, and are most definitely ignorant.

  26. Elena I don't think you read your own statements. You said that "But generalizing all cops into one category is just plain ignorant. It's kind of like categorizing all black people, or all white people, or all gay people into one category. It's wrong."

    Then you said "if you're not willing to admit that, then you're probably doing something wrong, and are most definitely ignorant."

    You are the one generalizing. It is sad that you do not even see that you are profiling people that way.

  27. For the love of...


    1. All cops are assholes.
    2. All people who hate cops are criminals.
    3. Everyone will need a cop someday and get the help they need.
    4. All commenters are trolls.
    5. All the men Fizziks "dates" are made of chocolate and will be eaten.

    Oh, and one more: EVERYONE GENERALIZES. Let's drop it and focus on the awesomeness of the victim of a bad date having the power to arrest her bad date for legitimate reasons. It's a happy ending, people!

  28. ^There was that one that was made of nougat. I'm not a racist, ya know :P

  29. Hahaha! I forgot about Nougat Boy! It's too bad the one made of caramel didn't work out, but GOD when that stuff gets all over a vagina, it can really put a cramp in everyone's evening.

  30. ^It *did* put a cramp in everyone's evening. I had to evacuate my vagina, do a roll-count of all my tenants, verify their pets were safe, then have the industrial cleaners spend weeks mopping that up. And it totally destroyed the harwood floors I'd just installed in my uterus.

  31. I'll do what I can, but my policy explicitly exempts mildew damage as being endemic to the environ. But if your HDTV damage was more from my homemade mayonnaise-based Monostat, I think i can swing it. It's easy to tell, just see if your TV looks encrusted with guano.

  32. I was wondering why EVERY program had that "Barbara Walters filter" going on! I'll get the guy in apt V1 to bring it up to you so you can see what I mean.

  33. this just occurred to me: elena, have you taken any "creative liberties" with this story? like, by "awol from the marines" do you mean "in the offseason for professional football"? because this guy sounds an awful lot like ben rothlisburger...except for the part where you called him attractive, but to each her own, i guess.

  34. 8:53: Nice of you to sum up everything you with someone else's to make you seem witty. Too bad it was the wrong person! That song was written in 1988 by N.W.A during the height of the crack problem.

    Elena: Good for you for busting him.

    I've had friends who've had bad experiences with cops, but like people there are good and bad ones out there. It also depends on the area you live in and people you associate with. The biggest frustration I hear from cop friends are the same as those who work at women's shelters: The repeat actions.

    Men/Women who are involved with abusive lovers tend to seek out abusive lovers. They also tend to take them back and get into the same situations over and over again. It's not unusual to go to someone's house multiple times a week for the same thing and when it comes down to it, the victim won't press charges. The other thing is, when they do go there they try never to go in the kitchen because when they're handcuffing the abuser the victim gets enraged and attacks them with whatever's around.

  35. Lol the cops where i live all smoke weed and will occasional do pills (narcartics) yet they arrest others on weed charges.. A few years ago my sister was hanging out with one of our friends and they chilled with some cops (off duty) and were smoking weed in the car, and they drove by a cop car (the guy obviously knew him) and beeped and waved the roach. and my other friend in another city had a 'thing' for cops and i swear she must of been friends with half the cops in that city, They use to come over, chill drink smoke, etc.. Bad thing though, like 90% of them cheat on there wives.. (again where i live..)
    But when a cop catches someone with say, 18 bags of weed, he'll pretend like he's doing them a favor and only write them up for 8, meanwhile he gets off work and smokes the 'other' weed.

    LOL, don't got a problem w.them.. just saying

  36. "I didn't do it, so I had no choice but to skip bail"...um, WTF? The logic escapes me.

    And I'm sure the Marines honor code would take a dim view of all this.


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