Smoke and Mirrors

Submitted by Kiki:

My bad date with Paul wasn't actually a date to begin with. My cute friend, Mark, had invited me to see a professional magic show. Paul was his best friend, and decided he wanted to tag along. Mark had invited another female friend, and his attention went mostly to her.

I had met Paul a few times before and he seemed like a fairly nice guy. My impression changed, however, after this fateful night. Paul arranged it so I sat next to him in the car, and tried to repeatedly grab my hand and wrap his arms around me, no matter how many times I pushed him away. This continued during the show, and he even rushed the stage to try to impress me, even though I thought he had made a fool of himself.

After the magic show, we went to get some ice cream. Paul spent most of the time talking to me about blow jobs and poking at my stomach, saying that I was so thin that I must have six-pack abs (I don't).

In the car on the ride home, I tried to make conversation with Mark and the other girl. Paul commented to me, "I hate it when bitches like you play hard to get," and sulked in his seat for the rest of the ride.

Paul insisted on walking me to my front door. When I tried to say goodnight, he moved in closer. I figured he was going in for a hug, so I went to hug him, but he abruptly yanked my head up and stuck his tongue down my throat.

My first reaction was to bite his tongue (not too hard, though). After that he pulled away, said good night, and returned to the car.

The next day I received an e-mail from Paul saying that he didn't like me anymore and that we were over. I didn't know we had been together to begin with.

The fun twist to this story? Mark and I are now married.


  1. ahhh!! another happy ending. what were you, 15 when this date happened?

    i know, i know they were driving, but she could have been 15.

  2. Seven-thirty5/17/2010 10:32 AM

    How could Paul get his tongue in if OP didn't open her mouth?

    Apparently this was a double date but OP doesn't explain why Mark had to set it up like this.

    Lame story.

  3. Did wonderful hubby Mark ever admit to setting you and Paul up on a date and neglecting to inform you? Paul was clearly told to come along as part of a double-date and you were provided as his escort. Otherwise Mark would have done or said something about Paul's advances, which started right off with standard date behavior.

  4. This isn't How I met Your Mother. I just want the bad date stories with an occassional happy ending. You post too many and they're gonna start to seem fake too.

  5. If you don't get yourself out of bad situations, you deserve to be in bad situations.

    Some questions:
    1. When did you notice that you weren't going out with the guy you thought?
    2. Why would you marry Mark when he was clearly a part of this bullshit? (Also known as "How long do you expect to stay married?")
    3. ...and seriously? Biting his tongue?

  6. There are no women who don't want Paul. There are only women who sleep with Paul right away, and women who "play hard to get."

  7. Hey, OP here. I agree with 12:41. I'm still in touch with Paul (he is my husband's best friend, after all) and that's how he is.

    Also, it wasn't a double date. Mark was not dating the other female, she was just a friend. He paid more attention to her because Paul kind of hogged my attention.

    How my mouth ended up open, I can't explain. It was a split-second thing that you can't really analyze.

    I was 16 at the time. : D

  8. This is what happens when the best friend comes along.

  9. Sweetie, there is absolutely no reason for Mark to have given his attention to the other female "friend" to the exclusion of how Paul was treating you unless your now-hubby was at least really hoping she would feel this *was* a date. He may have changed his mind later but this was at least an attempt to date the other girl.

  10. In layman's terms, this is what one would call "throwing oneself on the grenade" for a pal.

  11. Also, 8:47, you apparently have the win for the day - you nearly nailed the age.

  12. OP again: Fizziks, I agree that your theory is entirely possible. However, I forgot to mention that the other female was Paul's little sister, who was maybe 13 at the time. At age 16, Mark didn't go for girls that young.

    And to 12:06, we've been married 10 years and have two beautiful children, and I love him more now than I ever have. But, if our marriage ever comes crashing down, you'll be the first to know.

  13. OOh, please do keep us informed, OP, about the destruction of your marriage. This is a site for Schadenfreude, and we're just not happy until someone else isn't. ;P

    (For reals though: congrats!)

  14. Ok, OP, I completely agree that changes things. But why reveal that key info only now? It seems odd to in the date and your first post to refer to Paul's sister only obliquely as a female friend. Fortunately I'm not one of the paranoids on this site, but sadly you may need to brace yourself for accusations of faking the girl's identity. And while they may be totally wrong, it seems bizarre to elide over her being Paul's sister, not just for how it may explain Mark's behavior but also how Paul was acting in from of his own sister (blowjob jokes?).

  15. Fizziks: I don't know why I didn't put that in the original post. It didn't occur to me while I was typing that that bit of information would be important, but in hindsight, I guess it is. Anyway, if need be, I can dig up pictures from that night. I'm prepared for the accusations! Also, Paul has always been a fan of inappropriate jokes, no matter who he's with.

    Nikki: Thank you : )

  16. Pics or it didn't happen..

  17. Oh, now the story reads more like:

    "...and then they killed everyone, even ME!"

  18. I've slept with Mark. I'm a guy. He's a total bottom.

  19. There must have been something compelling about Mark that totally doesn't come through during the story.


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