Way Lost in Translation

Submitted by Henry:

There was a girl in my history class in college.  I thought she was beautiful and couldn't stop looking at her through most of the semester.  Her name was Lia.

Finally, towards winter break, I steeled my courage and asked her out right after class.  "Lia, I'm Henry.  Could I maybe take you out for coffee sometime?"

She smiled, nodded, and said, "Yes."

I was so pumped, I didn't know what to say first.  I asked her when a good time/place would be.  She gave me a funny look and shook her head.  I suggested, "How about we meet at the middle of the quad tomorrow at 6?"

She gave me a confused look, then said, "Okay, see you later."

Quad, 6pm.  No Lia.  I waited for a while, but she never showed up.  I probably should have asked for her number, but I didn't, so there I was, waiting like an idiot.

Come next week's class, she smiled at me as she entered and sat down, and I went up to her to ask if everything was all right.  Her response?

"No speak English."

Uh... well, I felt even stupider.  I had asked her out, and she had probably thought that I was asking her how she was or something.  I tried asking her out again, but found that there was no real way to do it.  I couldn't even tell what language she spoke, nor how she understood things that the professor went over in class.

She wasn't back in college next semester, and I have no idea where the hell she and her made up language went.


  1. Hate to say it OP, but she could speak English.

  2. Sorry it happened, OP. But it's a good story.

  3. Thees eez me, Leeah. OP had a fess thet looked lahk eet had been on fi-yah and poot out wit' a pitchfawk, so I deed not kum to ouer det. I yam sorree, Henry!

  4. Lol @4:02, your comment was better than the story.

  5. OP did you know that gullible isn't in the dictionary?

  6. Why does her language have to be "made up" just because you couldn't figure out what language it was? Sour grapes, sir...

  7. oh OP, honey child. you're one of those people that's never left the United States much less your home state aren't you?

    poor poor thing. must be tough being a straight white man in this country.

  8. I think I know what happened.

    You were waiting for her in the middle of the quad and she waiting for you beside the paraplegic.

    I'd mark it up as lost in translation but next time be more clear!

  9. @9:46 How do you know if he's white or not?

  10. Since I am apparently a racist (according to anonymous people on this site), I'll be the one to say it: his story was totally crackerlicious, 5:28. What kind of black dude says he was "so pumped" that some girl said she'd go out with him?

  11. 5:28 - I see how it is. Typical whiteboy behavior. Just like "the man" trying to bring us all down.

    To spell it out in your own language (bwahah - see what I did there?) "she gave me a funny look" or "she gave me a confused look" every time you said something to her.

    But I'm sure the OP is such a fat bitch that anything other than the English language can barely be understood through the extra flaps of lard hanging from his head :-)

    When he looses some weight to he can fit in airline seats to see the world, he'll learn.

  12. 5:28, the OP used 'mostly' correct grammar. OP had to be white. See how 9:46 is too lazy to capitalize the first word of any sentence and doesn't have the slightest clue how to use a comma? Also notice the passive complaint about how bad they have it being a non-straight-white-male. I mean, they live in the US and have access to the internet, and enough spare time to not only read posts and comments on this blog, but to also comment themselves, and still want to mention how privileged the OP is. This indicates they are probably black.

    See? Easy.


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