A Perfect Storm

Submitted by Laney:

When I was 18, I worked at a local restaurant as a waitress.  One of the bartenders, Chris, 23 years old, seemed obsessed with taking me out on a date.  I finally agreed with this statement:  "If I go out with you once, will you promise to never ask me about again?"  He said yes, and we planned to meet after a lunch shift one day later that week.

Our plans included dinner and a movie.  He took me to an Italian restaurant, which was one of those "order an entree, salad and bread are free" sort of places, so I ordered manicotti.  After a couple pieces of bread and my salad, I really wasn't very hungry, so I ate a bit of the manicotti and left the rest.

He said, "The next time we go out, you're only allowed to order a salad.  You're a waste of money."  I half-giggled, thinking he was kidding.

Even though the movie theater was right next door, Chris decided to drive halfway across town so I could see where he lived... with his parents.  The quick tour included his single bed and Superman sheets (I always wish I was kidding when I get to this part of the story).

Back across town, we went to see A Perfect Storm... and apparently I was the only person who didn't already know how the movie ended, and it was so sad that I cried.  Just a few tears and sniffles.  Chris once again berated me, this time because I didn't know how the movie ended and because I was embarrassing him.  Seriously?

Instead of taking me back to my car, as requested, Chris decided to go to a party at his old fraternity (before he dropped out of college).  When we arrived, I recognized several people we worked with and bee-lined over to them.  About 30 minutes later, Chris showed up in front of me, red faced and livid.

"We're leaving," he said.  In the car, he yelled (again) about how rude I was to abandon him at the party. 

We finally made it back to my car, which was in the parking lot where we worked, and as I turned to thank him (he paid, so he deserved that much thanks), he turned to me, put his arm around my seat, and leaned forward for a kiss.

I couldn't help myself and I just laughed.  I pushed him back into his own seat, said "I don't think so, Chris," and got out of his car, into my own, and drove home.

He did keep up his end of the bargain, though.  He never asked me out again.


  1. I laughed hysterically through all of that film.

  2. The best dates always start with "if I go will you leave me alone?"

  3. If you were the only one in the theater who didn't know how it ended, you were the only one doing it right.

  4. haha this is exactly what i would have done too, being also a 18 year old girl. who cares if its a bit bitchy, its what we do.

  5. "haha this is exactly what i would have done too, being also a 18 year old girl. who cares if its a bit bitchy, its what we do."

    Good for you. Aim low. You'll be sure to hit something.

  6. This was entirely her own fault, agreeing to date someone you really don't want to guarantees a bad date.

  7. ^^ And a great story

  8. Here's the thing though: at the end of the day, she was still a confident 18-year-old with a lot of life to live and a lot of potential to reach, and he was a 23-year-old who lived with his parents, slept under Superman sheets, dropped out of college, and couldn't even score with an 18-year-old girl using the "I'm a cool older dude" thing. I'm pretty the OP is the winner here.

  9. Seven-thirty5/09/2010 1:13 PM

    I was in line at Sam's Club in Garden City, New Jersey yesterday and noticed a weird looking guy surreptiously taking photos of fat woman pushing a shopping carts.

    She had on purple tights and a top that exposed her navel, or rather would have if it hadn't been hidden in a fold.

    I was behind them at the check out line and he went on to his iPhone and to my surprize surfed on to ABCofD. I read the Perfect Storm story over his shoulder and saw him comment, signing himself as Gulliver!

  10. I once saw a man trip a fat woman and push her down stairs! I freaked, and went to ask the man what he was thinking. He told me "I just wanted to see if she would bounce. You know, 'cause she's fat. Fat bitch!"
    He got into a red sports car with a license plate stamped "GLVR".

  11. Lovin' the universe getting built around this, 1:13 and 10:26!

  12. @Architect - you're just jealous of the size of my moon.

  13. Yeah, you definitely eclipse the sun alright!

  14. But Architect, Fizziks isn't usually kinder to smaller women, so she can't be Universe Woman.

    Also, that's now stuck in my head. :P

  15. Why are the ocean levels rising up? Fizziks must be having a day at the beach!

    I think Gulliver has cut and pasted that same comment about three times now.

  16. Erron, I did have a brand-new waistline for 1990. Wonder where I placed it? *nosh, nosh, ummm, burp*


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