An Acrid Aroma

Submitted by Antoinette:

Paul and I met on an Internet profile website.  We met at a restaurant and everything was fine for a little bit.  That was, before I began smelling something absolutely horrid.  It smelled like a cross between a hot, juicy cow anus and moldy, fishy vomit.

We talked about this and that as the night went on, but that smell was omnipresent.  I had to resort to mouth-breathing through most of the date.  At one point, I asked Paul if he smelled something terrible, and he said, a little too quickly, that he didn't, and then changed the subject.  Weird.

Dinner came, and the smell of what we had ordered masked that awful aroma.  But it was still there.  I had long since decided that it was coming from Paul, but could think of no genteel way to deal with it.

After dinner, we walked down the street into a little, well-lit park.  We leaned against a rail that looked out onto a small lake, and he leaned closer to me.

There it was.  His breath.  I was ready to puke.  I pulled away.

He asked me what was wrong.  I told him straight.  He flipped out, claimed that his breath was fine, and then, to "prove it," started breathing on me.

I stepped away from him, he got right up into my face.  I pulled out a little thing of mace that I carry around and told him that if he didn't back off, I'd be ready to use it.  Who the hell did he think he was, trying to breath his scummy breath all over me?  He threw his hands up in the air and took off.  The smell went with him, thank goodness.


  1. Not just "cow anus."

    Not just "juicy cow anus."

    "Hot, juicy cow anus."


  2. Guh! That reminds me of a kid I dated in high school. His breath reminded me of moldy broccoli.

  3. Sounds like that truly was an awful date, but to threaten him? a little harsh.

  4. Sounds like you've had a lot of experience with cow anuses.

  5. i think that was an awesome reply. why should the OP put up with bad breath? Mace is definitely a no-nonsense solution to a date who allows himself to have ridiculously bad breath lmao

  6. Having bad breath gives someone the right to threaten with mace 6:12? Why not use it for other 'bad date' situations? guy wants to split the bill; MACE TO THE FACE!, Guy talks about his ex girlfriend; MACE TO THE FACE!, Girl reveals herself to be a moron; MACE TO THE FACE!

  7. She asked him to back off three times, hence the mace. Also, I'm willing to bet he was possibly rather physically imposing - to me the halitosis invokes gym-junkie exuberant protein-loading (personal experience)

  8. lmao @ MACE TO THE FACE!!

  9. That guy should have responded to mace to the face with a real mace

  10. @12:59, sounds like you've had a lot of experience with bigfoot cocks.

  11. Beeeeelch.
    Yes I do and your breath stink was on it, phag.

  12. Forget the mace, get the Bianca!

    Bad breath is a deal breaker. I have kissed someone who's mouth smelled like actual shit and I almost cried when he came in for the second one. Couldn't get away fast enough. Brush your tongues daters! Yuck.

  13. How old is the OP? How old are MOST of the people on here? Pathetic.


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