An Acrid Aroma

Submitted by Antoinette:

Paul and I met on an Internet profile website.  We met at a restaurant and everything was fine for a little bit.  That was, before I began smelling something absolutely horrid.  It smelled like a cross between a hot, juicy cow anus and moldy, fishy vomit.

We talked about this and that as the night went on, but that smell was omnipresent.  I had to resort to mouth-breathing through most of the date.  At one point, I asked Paul if he smelled something terrible, and he said, a little too quickly, that he didn't, and then changed the subject.  Weird.

Dinner came, and the smell of what we had ordered masked that awful aroma.  But it was still there.  I had long since decided that it was coming from Paul, but could think of no genteel way to deal with it.

After dinner, we walked down the street into a little, well-lit park.  We leaned against a rail that looked out onto a small lake, and he leaned closer to me.

There it was.  His breath.  I was ready to puke.  I pulled away.

He asked me what was wrong.  I told him straight.  He flipped out, claimed that his breath was fine, and then, to "prove it," started breathing on me.

I stepped away from him, he got right up into my face.  I pulled out a little thing of mace that I carry around and told him that if he didn't back off, I'd be ready to use it.  Who the hell did he think he was, trying to breath his scummy breath all over me?  He threw his hands up in the air and took off.  The smell went with him, thank goodness.