5/09/2010

Guys and Their Hobbies

Submitted by Pina:

Eddie opened up the "red flag" portion of our date with the phrase, "I have a collection of human skulls."

He paused for effect, but I'm pretty sure that I didn't give him what he was expecting.  I said, "Former girlfriends?"

He said, "My grandfather fought in some war and brought them back.  Want to see them?"

I shrugged.  It was only 7pm.  "Sure," I said.  What girl doesn't love skulls on a first date.  After all, the kid was probably bluffing.

He wasn't.  We went to his house and he had about two-dozen clean skulls on shelves around his room.

I said, "Your grandfather really cleaned house, whatever war he fought in."

He said, "He didn't kill them.  At least, most of them.  He found them and brought them back.  He liked skulls, too."

As I was flitting my attention from one head to another, I noted that Eddie was inching closer to me.  I turned to him, stood on my toes, and kissed him.

I then said, "Well, I can cross that one off the list.  Kissing a guy in a room full of skulls.  Can we go do something else?"

Eddie said, "You don't want to stay here?"

I responded, "Nah.  I'd feel like an exhibitionist in front of all of these guys.  We can go see a movie."

Eddie gestured to his bed and kept at it.  "We're already here."

"You figure that out by yourself?" I asked him.  "I want to go.  Amuse me in some other way."

He just kind of looked at me for a little while.  I told him, "I'm going to walk out.  If you have an idea for something else for us to do, then catch up.  Otherwise, adios."

He must have lost my trail, since he never caught up.  Weirdest date I've ever had... and possibly for him, too.

22 comments:

  1. "He must have lost my trail, since he never caught up"
    Or maybe he didn't follow you, he was probably expecting sex since you kissed him on the first date.
    A collection of skulls might not be exactly normal but at least it's kind of interesting!

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  2. You come across as kind of a bitch, telling him to amuse you? and not forgetting putting him down on the bed thing, no wonder he let you go.
    He dodged a bullet there.

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  3. Actually IMO this chick seems like someone I would love to date.
    Open minded, doesn't get freaked out when I show her my room full of skulls. In fact she goes as far as saying she is marking kissing a guy in a room full of skulls of her list.

    Every girl wants to be amused a little on a date. She even has a way of making every one of his "bad" moves into a joke that is not at his expense. She gave his awkward ass every opportunity to turn that date around. Most chicks would have left after they heard the word skulls. That or pull out mace. Def not kiss him.

    OP would you consider a date with a slightly older man, who loves to bowl, smoke pot, and scam rich men out of their rugs?

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  4. Even though it had the slight scent of bullshit about it, I love this post. I hope it's true, 'cause if it is, you're totally awesome. Way to diffuse and keep an open mind.

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  5. This dude seemed to think by the Awkward Man's Playbook of "Just get a woman in the proximity of a bed. Then no matter how long she has known you or how much of a freak you are, sex will happen!" The amazing part is how often people will employ this tactic even tho it fails over and over.

    I will never fail to be surprised by guys that will get torpedo a chance with a woman who is clearly interested if she just needs a bit more lead-up and doesn't strip at his first pass. Anyone that found this girl bitchy doesn't do well with ladies. Lebowski is dead on here. She really tried to guide him back to a successful date, but he couldn't see the pussy for the bed.

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  6. i like this girl. speaks her mind, is funny, has kinks, very down to earth.

    this guy.... is an idiot. basically he's like, "lets have sex." she's like, "thanks for the offer, but maybe some other time." he's like, "well then bye."

    he missed out big time. good luck finding another girl who will even get near your room of skulls.

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  7. How to know if you are dating a Predator:
    1. Does your date have dreadlocks and look like an alien?
    2. Does your date wear fish-net stockings as a substitute for armor?
    3. Can you hear Arnold Schwarzenegger yelling "Get to da chopper!" off in the distance?
    4. Does your date have a room full of FUCKING SKULLS?!

    If you answered yes to any of these questions, then "GET TO DA FUCKIN' CHOPPER!"

    Op was seriously smooth though. Nice job.

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  8. Ehh... poor girls, just seems the members of our fairer sex "can't get no respect" in the words of Rodney Dangerfield.

    If you try to act polite on a date that's going bad, you get scolded by others for not speaking up for yourself and being more assertive. If you are the more assertive type, then you get scolded for being a bitch.

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  9. Top Drawer, Architect, Top Drawer

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  10. "Or maybe he didn't follow you, he was probably expecting sex since you kissed him on the first date."

    So...kissing on the first date immediately and always leads to sex? Where was this written?

    Congrats again to the OP for being a freak, but in a good way, which is new for this site.

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  11. Oh yeah! I'm glad we're all in agreement that this girl is just such a UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL. She's just so OPEN-MINDED. I bet she says to people, after giggling, that "I'm just pretty RANDOM most of the time!!! Heeheehee!"

    Give. Me. A. Fucking. Break.

    This girl reads too much Tom Robbins. She wants so very, very badly to be Pina in this story. She lies in bed at night after another day full of social failures, awkward interactions, and reading /b/, and she wonders why she can't become the girl she's always wanted to be. She thinks about all the times she was insulted and wishes with all her heart that she could go back in time to those moments, because NOW she has the perfect comeback.

    No one talks like this, no matter how much you people want to believe it. And IF anyone DID talk like this, you wouldn't want to spend a moment around them, because the whole time you'd be thinking "No one fucking talks like this!" It's the kind of dialogue you see in movies (and Tom Robbins' novels), but you would never want to actually have a conversation like that.

    The worst part of this whole masturbatory shitshow is at the end, where she proclaims, "Weirdest date I've ever had... and possibly for him, too." This girl just looooooooves weirding people out! Maybe if she just acts RANDOM and QUIRKY enough, people will like her! Teehee!

    Barf barf barf.

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  12. Hello, Pot. Why diss on Kettle after what is clearly your own day full of social failures, awkward interactions, and reading /b/? Are you happy to settle for being the anonymous troll you've always wanted to be?

    Less disturbing than the OPs (merely possibly) falsehood is the deeply personal reaction you're having. Your childhood wounds are showing. Better get that checked. It's oozing all over my good time.

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  13. I had a similar reaction as 2:04. It seems like a pretty common occurence, you know, meeting people who try way too hard to be clever a la Tom Robbins.

    I thought the same thing and his post actually made me happy because then I knew I wasn't the only annoyed reader. I don't think these are childhood wounds either. These people were a lot more prevalent in college.

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  14. coulda been worse... could've been a collection of STAR WARS FIGURES!

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  15. 2:04 Isn't totally off, but why so angry?

    I merely gave her an eye roll at the last line, but if she was really that suave on the date she gets kudos.

    Kemper however, needs to work on his lady skills.

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  16. *shrug* Even if it's fake, we all had a good, interesting read. No one claimed that it was boring or a Bad Case of the Blahs like some of the other dates on here. So no one talks like that...big whoop. SKULLS, people!

    Also, Jared, I just noticed the title for the first time. I like it. :)

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  17. This really strikes me as fake. Its just so goddamned glib and annoying. It wasn't even a fun or interesting read. It was The Awesomest Girl Ever handles a bizzarre date (and kissing an unfamiliar dude) smoothly and waltzes off into the sunset. Im not buying it!

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  18. Oh, I've met people like that; they are horribly self-confident, self-aware people who have the timing to know the right thing to say and are secure enough in their identity to say it. I alternately love them, want to be them, and want to kill them messily.

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  19. Hear hear, @5:45!

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  20. I hate Tom Robbins, but I'm with Lebowski. I would date this lady.

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  21. My only thought here is that this woman does sound great, and I have met women like the ones in this story. But the women I know are confident and would not go online to tell people how clever they are.

    ReplyDelete

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