The Dangerous Waters of the Office Pool

Submitted by Ralph:

Louise was one of the most attractive women I had ever seen.  Bonus was that she worked in my office.  Unfortunately, that meant that a romance was out of the question.  There were no policies explicitly preventing it, but you know how those things inevitably ended up.

I confided to a workplace friend, Marty, that I found Louise ridiculously hot.  He floated the idea of making a workplace pool for who could bed her first.  I found the idea funny in theory but distasteful in practice.  We didn't speak about it again, and I considered the matter closed.

Two weeks later, I found a significant uptick in the amount of time in which Louise sought me out to talk to me.  She seemed to be looking for reasons to come over to visit.  This was not at all unwelcome, but was certainly unexpected.

What was most unexpected was when she asked me out.  I must have asked her three or four times to make sure that she thought it a good idea.  Not because of a low self-opinion, but because of the whole workplace romance thing.  She assured me that she was really into me.  I bought it, hook, line, and sinker.

I was so nervous for the date.  I couldn't believe that it was actually happening.  It actually made me shake, which I hadn't done since high school.  That's how excited I was.

Imagine my disappointment when, right after we sat down at dinner, she leaned in to tell me that the whole date was a trick.  I was the subject of a practical joke, masterminded by none other than Marty.  He wanted to get me all excited about a potential date with Louise, and then pull the rug out from under me.

I was about ready to vomit when she told me this, and I asked her, perhaps desperately, if she would still be interested in dating me.  She assured me that she wouldn't.

The next day, I told my boss.  Louise was transferred to another department, and Marty was demoted on the spot.

Don't fuck with my heart.


  1. That's awful!! I can't believe that happened. I'm glad your boss was on your side. DAMN!

  2. OP, first yay for you on taking appropriate action. Second, any chick that would go along with this is beyond bad news. I find myself in the unusal position of praising the HR dept. Go needless beauracracy!

  3. Last line = Epic WIN
    Way to go OP!

  4. Ye gods. What a couple of psychos. (I mean Louise and Marty, not the previous posters.)

  5. I agree with Nikki - something about the way this reads screams desperation and perhaps that is why the OP's coworkers decided to play a trick. . . not so much to be assholes, but to shake him awake to his loserish ways.

  6. HA! Come on, he knows he was being a dick and he's proud of it. I like the angle. A little extreme, but very funny.

  7. Don't see why Louise was transferred while Marty was fired; they were both equally culpable.

  8. You went and cried to your boss and someone got demoted.

    I'm not carrying Ralphy on my shoulders. They may have been ay-holes for doing what they did, but ruining careers because of some lackluster joke and because you didn't get the particular pussy you wanted? Gross.

    Surely there was some other less whiny-baby-sounding revenge. A herpes rumor, banana-in-the-tail-pipe, phone prank, rat poison in the coffee...
    Most of my revenge tactics come from campy 80's movies, but you get the idea.

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. Seven-thirty5/10/2010 6:23 PM

    Don't believe this story for one second. The OP dates someone in the office but then turns his date into management because he was the victim of a practical joke? Phoney.

    A person who gets the psychological stuffing knocked out of them would not have the gumption to complain to management. He probably would have called in sick the next day.

    If Louise had been a real person capable of playing such an elaborate joke, she certainly would have had the ability to convincingly deny the story. Moreover, she would have defended herself by making some counter accusation.

    Why would Louise have conspired with Marty? The OP offers zero explanation.

    Also missing is some coherent account of the dinner. Did Louise go all the way to some restaurant and not eat dinner? If she was such a cruel and convincing actress, she would have eaten a good dinner at the OP's expense and spilled the beans over desert.

    Marty would have strolled in laughing or something like that.

    This is a patently fake submission.

  11. I cannot see how this conversation went down. Were they laying in bed and he says " I have a confession, another guy and I made a bet who could fuck you first. Congratulations, you are laying in bed with a winner." Then she says "wow, that is awesome. You know what we should do is punk your friend. I'll ask him out tomorrow" .........

  12. Slow down, Detective Seven-thirty. You're giving all of these people wayyyyy too much credit.

  13. I'm with nikki. if i had to guess, i'd say the guy conveniently left out the part where he agreed to the date and where he told marty in the first place he fancied louise, if not out-right lied, when telling his boss all this. otherwise he would have been demoted too. and it takes some serious brown nosing to get your boss to take that kind of action on your story alone. OP is a douche.

  14. You do realize that you deserve to lose your job as much as them OP?

  15. Nom and Seven-thirty, I'd have more faith in your assessment if you weren't normally so ridiculously gullible about Nikki's sarcasm. And I can see a chick starting out thinking a prank is a good idea then having second thoughts and being unwilling to go thru with it after it gets started. I'd find it more suspicious if the OP did know all the events that contributed to this. But they wouldn't have told him and why should they?

  16. STOP SNITCHING YOU WORTHLESS SNITCH. Next time try resolving a problem by yourself. Wow, that is the most spineless story I have ever seen on this site. You are pathetic. I don't know if it is worse that you snitched or that you are proud that you did? That is messed up.

  17. This is so lame. I'm a manager and if someone on my staff came to me with that story, I'd tell him to go put on his big boy pants and get back to work and quit bothering me with his stupid problems.

  18. I agree with Nikki and feainne. I get the feeling there is more to it. I bet he joked along with that other guy that he could sleep with her, The other guy told the girl, the girl took slight offense and they both devised a plan. She then broke the news to him.

    He sounds like a cry baby and a snitch. what are you inlove bro? Pull your big boy pants up. If you were shaking then obviously she was out of your league.. I bet you still paid for the dinner thinking you STILL have a chance and then the second you realized you didnt you ran to the boss and cried about it. OP = FAIL.


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