No Longer Full of Hot Air

Submitted by Jacob:

Brooke had it all – a former high school cheerleader who had actually written papers on political science that ended up published in academic journals.  Brains and everything below were in good order.

Which is why I was amazed that she'd go out on a date with a dumbass like me.  I co-own a small computer networking/repair business, and she called me up one day with a network issue.  A friend of a friend of hers had used my services a year or two earlier, and my name came up when discussing how to solve the problem.

I went over the her place and fixed it up in less than an hour.  She invited me to stay for tea, and somehow or other, I don't know what happened, but the spirit of some major player must have possessed me... I was never as smooth as I was at that moment.  I had every witty line, every great comeback, and the most insightful things to say.  I kept her laughing and the way that she looked at me started to change subtly over the course of our talk.

I took a leap of faith and asked her out to dinner.  She went for it.  Hot damn!

The ensuing week, I was nervous as hell.  Did she think that I was that suave 24/7?  No!  I'm a computer geek who has a World of Warcraft account, although (I promise) that I still have a personality.  I don't know what came over me.  The mojo just flowed.  But would it flow twice?

Dinner at a Thai place Saturday night.  She showed up looking absolutely stunning, in a red dress and a smile.  I felt the urge to cry, to urinate, and to scream all at once, I was so nervous.

Was she in for a repeat of my debonair performance?  Hardly.  I stuttered, stammered, almost spilled the water, tried as hard as I could to suppress a yawn, failed at suppressing a yawn, noticed her noticing my yawn, sweated, couldn't think of anything to say, and

She asked me if everything was all right.  I thought, the suave me would say, "I'm fine.  All's good," but the honest me would say, "No."

"No," I said, "I've been nervous all night.  I wanted to impress you, but... well..."

She leaned in and kissed me.  All of the tension, the fear, the doubt... it washed into my chest and twisted things into each other.  I was swimming in warmth.  It felt amazing, like a warm, wonderful bath.  I... I...

I farted.

I couldn't help myself... all of that nervous energy that I had let go... I started laughing.  So did she.

We're married now.



  1. Awesome. I was really rooting for you towards the end of the story.

  2. Belfast Barista4/08/2010 10:14 AM

    haha best story ever! :D Love the happy ending ^_^

  3. So sweet! What a great story.

  4. Awwwwww. :-)

  5. hahaha man that is just great. That story made my day.

  6. Gorgeous. I would have married you, too. I hope you both live happily - and fartily - ever after.

  7. Aw, damnit, you've gone and had a perfect date that leaves us commenters with nothing really to say except, 'I hope this happens to me'. :(


    How awesome for you!!

  8. So for your anniversary, do you give her a dutch oven in the morning?

  9. Ahahaha! I actually *facepalmed* reading this story! I'm glad it has a happy ending. It's definitely inspired me to stop being lazy and write up my own "I was a terrible date, but now I'm super happy with the same guy" story that I've been planning. ;)


  10. sounds like she took a bullet on that one

  11. Haha, nice. It took me about two months before I farted in front of my girlfriend. But it was her fault though for tickling me!

  12. Love it! Congratulations Jacob & Brooke :)

    Can we have more of this, and less snot? :p

  13. never tried the fart move. gotta try that some time.

  14. Amazing story :D

  15. Maybe I'm just an old sour bastard, but I hated this story. I expected the chain mail "Email this to 20 people in the next 10 minutes and God will grant your wish! Amazing! Really works!" line at the bottom. Yeah, hooray for the OP and everything, but that isn't why I come to this site. I come here for the EPIC date fail....the true horror that is the dating pool for us poor single schmoes out there. This date was so much saccharin my teeth hurt after reading it.

    Ok, bring the hate, I'm ready.

  16. Hi, I'm Meltab and since nobody likes my shitty blog, I'm just going to go around to random sites and post my links in hopes that someone, someday, will actually want to hear what I have to say.

    I also have herpes.

  17. Yea, sure you are now married. Sounds like a rejected movie from the Lifetime network, or worse yet, an approved one.

  18. It made me smile. Good story. :)

  19. Way to give us all hope for the future and happiness with our one true loves....dick.

  20. Love it! I farted in front of my (future) hubby on our first date. He thought it was hilarious, I just shrugged it off. That's love :)

  21. "all of the tension, the fear, the doubt... it washed into my chest and twisted things into each other. I was swimming in warmth. It felt amazing, like a warm, wonderful bath."

    When I read that I though he peed his pants.

    @Architect - technically, it was a bad date, at least kind of. 90% of the date stories on here are stories about the date partner being weird/a jerk/whatever. We don't get a lot of stories where the OP was the bad date. If it didn't have that last line you probably wouldn't have said anything?

  22. I LOVED this!!!

    Good story!

    Architect - you have no soul LOL :op

  23. @ Anon 3:34 - You know, I think you are absolutely right. The last line put it over the top for me.

    @ Anon 10:54 - LOL, soul? Nah, I sold that worthless crap years ago! ;P

  24. ^Yeah. For three magic beans and a chance to hump Justice Ruth Ginsberg.

  25. I thought he'd peed his pants too with that swimming bath build up. You ever pee a little when you cough, sneeze or puke? I hate that.

    The fart was anti-climactic. Farts are funny to about 99% of the population, but I am not recommending this as a new move Josh. It's only funny when you're embarrassed about it, like most things. Unless you shit yourself from trying too hard, then you could tell us all about it.

  26. This is the most dorkiest, awkward, cutest date story with a sweet ending. I love this! Very nice ending to a date story.


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