4/07/2010

Gobs of Fun

Submitted by Erron:

Ben was this adorable surfer I had been hanging out with.  Mostly with a big group of friends, but we managed to sneak off and make out and give each other massages every now and again.  Sigh.

Cut to our first actual date.  Since neither of us had a car, we hopped a muni train to grab some food and then we were headed to a friend’s party.  The train was surprisingly full for that time of night and we ended up sitting across from a Chinese woman holding a small baby.  I’ll never forget the outfit she had on – a puffy 80’s silk jacket with a primary colored abstract pattern and these screaming pink floral stirrup pants.  And this was in 1995, people.  But I digress.

Ben and I were all snuggled up together, chatting and giggling about a prank we had pulled on one of his roommates, when I looked over, just as this woman placed her mouth over the baby’s nose and sucked out the snot out of it.

Dis  Gus. Ting.

I can’t tell you what she did with it after that, because I immediately gagged, doubled over and threw up.

Ben, stunned, pointed at his shoe.  “You threw up on my shoe!”   He hadn’t witnessed the horror that I had, only my reaction.  I held one hand over my mouth and vigorously pointed the other at the woman.

Again, but at least laughing this time he exclaimed, “You just threw up on my shoe!”  I continued to gag with my hand over my mouth as he sat there shaking his head at me for two more stops.

We decided to skip dinner and went for beers instead.  I was terribly embarrassed (the beers helped ease my shame), but Ben was a champ about it.  He just laughed at me and told everyone at the party about it, so I'm pretty sure he wasn't too traumatized.  That, and he asked me out again.


*****************************
Ew.

37 comments:

  1. Wow, this lady and Ms. Sneezy really need to get together for some hot mucus action.

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  2. It's pretty normal to do this to a newborn when they are sick. How is swallowing jizz any less gross?

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  3. almost threw up from reading that. cool guy though. i thought he would turn out to be an asshole when he was more worried about his shoes than the fact that you just randomly threw up.

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  4. ^This is completely a bad date! OP threw up on her date's shoes! This story put me off my lunch by the way.

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  5. BAHhahahahahahha! Oh man, I'm totally eating lunch while reading this and almost choked on my Lean Cusine ravioli. This is a GREAT bad date, and I'm glad you got another one out of the guy.

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  6. 11:45 - The reason that sucking snot out of someone's nose (even a baby's) is b/c the whole point of mucus is to remove bacteria and other impurities from the nasal cavities. So coming in contact with someone's snot is putting you in direct contact with their illness. (And if you swallow, good God!)

    As long as the guy doesn't have an STD, semen is actually cleaner, and yes, I'm aware that semen contains trace amounts of urine in it.

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  7. Haha, 11:45 swallows.

    (So do I, but that's beside the point.)

    I have a disturbing image of a woman sucking snot out of her baby's face. I don't blame you OP, I would have vomited too. Probably would have aimed at the snot vacuum lady though.

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  8. Some parents disgust me.

    Placenta eaters, anyone?

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  9. Ha I got one better! When my father was younger if he got something in his eye his mother would lick or slightly suck his eye ball to get it out. Talk about EWWWW! I guess it worked though but still EWWW

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  10. Ha I've got one better. When my father was a kid if he got something in his eye his mom would lick or lightly suck on his eyeball to get it out. EWWW but I guess it worked.

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  11. I think I was double posted sorry guys

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  12. EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. And I'm not particularly squeamish. They sell those little bulb snot suckers for a reason. SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO SUCK BABY SNOT!

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  13. @Jared - why only one a day lately? You have no idea how badly I need this site. I have 6 hrs of downtime a day at my job and 2/3 of the internet from here is blocked. So help me I am thinking about dating again just to give you material!

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  14. @3:55 - Maybe you should just switch teams. I think septum rings are hot. You could write it up for Jared :p

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  15. This is a refreshing angle--the submitter talks about his/her own bomb rather than complaining about how much of a weasel the other one is. Nice.

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  16. @Fizziks:

    There have been two a day except on weekends. I receive plenty of submissions, but most of them don't make it on here, and I need time to edit the ones that do. I just started pre-production on a new short film, so I have a bad case of the busy at the moment. I plan to keep up with the daily updates. Since the site started, there has been new content seven days a week.

    Appreciate the feedback. :)

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  17. Sorry, Jared. I wasn't trying to call you a slackass so much as admitting I have an addiction and treatment isn't possible.

    I can't quit you!!

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  18. @3:55, ..... whats your number?

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  19. You have scarred me for life.

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  20. Josh, just a word of warning, I'm a guy. I'm a bottom though, so you can totally plow me.

    Fizziks, for the same reason as above, I don't know that I can switch teams. Well, unless you would wear a fake mustache/beard, and I'll let you use a few of my toys. How big is your fist? We could give Jared a REALLY interesting date to post. No need to buy me food or anything, just get me charged up in a sling and I become a total whore.

    -3:55

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  21. 3:55 - I have no problem with this ;). Lemme know when your allergies are acting up!

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  22. I'm kind of surprised this hasn't been commented on before, but this isn't so uncommon in some cultures. I don't know how common it is among asians, but I've heard of Indian mothers doing it. Usually they don't do it in public, and usually they spit. It did totally gross me out the first time I heard about it, but when you think of it, there are a lot of grosser things you put in your mouth.

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  23. This is a great bad date and that was gross :P
    Sounds like a fresh dude, hope you guys are still together.

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  24. OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD people PLEASE stop talking about sucking things out of noses and eyeballs!!! I keep getting these REALLY VISCERAL visuals and then I can almost taste the snot in my mouth and...and...*RALPH* ickughhhh...

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  25. I have decided this act will be called a "yellow snowball" - but I guess I have to pass it back to the orginiator's mouth for that. Other ideas?

    Oh, c'mon 9:11, you should have known you would only encourage us. ;D

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  26. Maybe it's a "yellow avalanche" if you swallow it yourself, but a "yellow snowball" if you spit it back in the baby's mouth.

    I think babies deserve to have it spit back in their mouth. Same thing if they vomit. I'm lucky enough to have never had someone's baby vomit on me while holding it, but I swear if it does, I'm going to vomit right back on the baby.

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  27. Baby vomit is pretty foul. I mean, vomit in general is pretty foul, but there's something just too...sickly-sweet about the smell, since all they're eating is formula. My niece (the adorable baby in my picture) booted on me a couple of times when she was a newborn, much to the delight of my younger brother (her dad). :P

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  28. @Fizziks: Nevermind 3:55. What's YOUR number? Physicist, not easily put off by bodily fluids, and an Internet addict. What more could a guy want? haha

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  29. Why, heya JD - you in the Richmond VA area much?

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  30. I heard that bird flu was transmitted to humans after cockfighters sucked the snot out of their prize bird's beaks when the bird was sick before a fight (sick with bird flu obviously... and bird beak full of bird flu infected bird snot).

    Also in Asia.

    Maybe puffy silk jacket was an ex cockfighter.

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  31. People, I dreamed about this date last night and woke my boyfriend up with cries of "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!!"

    Not okay.

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  32. ^ Definitely not okay. If he loved you, he would have already swallowed.

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  33. @Fizziks: Not much, no. But if you have as much free time at work as I do, drop me a line, and we can help each other survive the workday with a constant exchange of geeky banter.

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  34. ^ You stole my snot-sucker away from me, cock-block.

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  35. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  36. My mom saw some woman do this in the wal-mart parking lot. The story alone made me want to vomit.

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