Back(room) to the Future

Submitted by Alison:

I worked retail for years and stupidly got involved with a coworker. It became even more awkward when I was promoted above him. I became so much busier, and it cut into the time we would've otherwise spent trysting in the back room. He assured me that he understood, but I wasn't so sure.

One day, a customer came with a return. He had tried to initiate the return himself, rather than call for a manager, which was the rule.

Something ended up going wrong and the register started beeping like crazy. I went over to investigate and found what he had been doing. I told him to call me over next time, before starting a return himself.

He then slapped my rear right in front of the customer!

After I had finished the return, I took him into the back room to talk, very calmly, about how things had to be a little bit different now that we were at different professional levels.  He said that he understood, and excused himself to go to the bathroom before coming out onto the sales floor.  All good, I thought.

When he didn't come out for a while, I called him via the intercom to the back room.  No answer.  I sent another employee to go check on him.  The employee called me from the back room, "You'd better come back and see this."

When I went into the back, there were piles of merchandise scattered all over the room.  If a hurricane had whipped through, it couldn't have done greater damage.  Everything was miscategorized, spilled, or otherwise out of place.  It likely took ten minutes to accomplish, but it would easily take two weeks to undo.

On the whiteboard by the schedule, the words, "I quit," were written in permanent ink.

Lucky for him, I never saw him again.


  1. Hahahaha! I love it when people quit minimum-wage jobs this way. Sure, it's unprofessional, but so is paying someone $7/hr when you're using them as a means to generate several hundred percent as much as you're paying them.

  2. There was really no need for him to act like a petulant toddler and tear the place up after quitting. He was obviously pissed that he wouldn't be getting sneaky work sex any more, and the fact that she was promoted over him probably made his dick feel small and flaccid.

    OP, sorry you had to deal with that dickweed.

  3. He bangs you in the backroom. Guy:1 Girl:1
    You get promoted over him. Guy:1 Girl: 2
    He realizes he's banging his boss. Guy: 2 Girl: 2
    He spanks his boss's ass (that he owns) in front of customers. Guy: 3 Girl: 2
    He quits his shit job and leaves you there to clean up his awesome tantrummy mess. Guy: 4 Girl:2

    Guy wins.

    Good job, guy!

  4. ^ Agreed 100%

  5. That chart doesn't quite add up, because acting like a pissy 4 year old who can't have candy takes him down at least 2 points, and she gets a point for acting like an adult after he made an arse of himself.

  6. The chart makes sense...

    If we had to add points for him acting like a pissy 4 year old, we'd have to start figuring in her office affair and whether or not she could even keep her job.

    Sure he's pissy, but in a good way :)

  7. I would like to point that SHE is the owner of HER ass, as it is attached to her. Slapping it in front of customers is NOT okay, and therefore, shouldn't get him a point. I also agree that points should be deducted for his petty tantrum. Of course, I should also lose points for trying to argue on the Internet.

  8. *ahem*
    Nikki, you lose points for trying to argue with a 'man' on the internet. That's twice as many points as just arguing on the internet. ;-)

    By politely taking him to the back room and telling him that he's no longer allowed to slap her (his) ass in front of customers, she's basically saying, "This ass is all yours. Just don't let the customers know it." Had she felt her ass belonged to her, she would have fired his ass on the spot.

    If throwing the tantrum is worth -2 points, then slapping his boss's ass in front of a customer has to be worth more than +1... That's even more ballsy than throwing the tantrum.

    I don't believe this guy destroyed the back room because he was upset this slam piece wouldn't let him slap her ass in front of customers. I believe the fact that he slapped her ass in front of a customer was a tell-tale sign enough that he was already going to call it quits on his shit job. I'm also sure this slam piece didn't touch a piece of merchandise, and made some other poor minimum-wage schmucks pick up the mess she inadvertently helped create.

    I'm not saying I would trash the back room of my work for being insulted by a manager, but I don't think I'd stick around long at a shit job where my manager would tell me "rather than learning something new, just sit back and let someone smarter and higher in authority come do it for you" very long. Especially if I'd been nailing the ho for a while on the job. I mean, if she wanted respect, she should have given it to herself first. She gets -4 points for letting this guy stick it to her in the first place.

  9. There's one thing I didn't get. The girl seems to suggest that because shes on a higher level professionally then him he can no longer slap her ass. Is that really how it works, I figured that's the kinda thing that's inappropriate at work regardless of the hierarchy.

    Also telling him to call her up every time he does a return? I worked retail that's a little unnecessary because he had an issue once, sounds like micro managing. Something tells me there's more to the story and I'm inclined to believe the position went to the girl's head.

    Just my hunch

  10. Ignore the return policy comment didn't realize calling the manager was policy.

  11. Guy: Is out of work, out of pussy, and will have to list his former place of employment on his next job application, which will then be called and he will receive a poor performance recommendation. -5 points.

    Girl: Has managerial experience under her belt to list on her resume and will never suffer from a lack of sex unless she so chooses because she has a vagina. +100 points.

  12. ^Reality of chart above...

    Guy: Quit a shit job, left one pussy and can find another probably just as easy as the girl can find a willing dick (if they had sex, they're obviously at least attractive enough to score each other), and due to fear of being sued, the company will not slander a former employee. 0 points

    Girl: Works as a manager at a retail store. 0 points

  13. Actually, the reality is "No comment" is a handy way to sidestep the slander issue while telling the prospective employer all they need to know: Don't hire this person.

  14. This sort of scenario must have played out (perhaps minus the sex at the work place) at MacDonald's and many other companies.

  15. Ok, I'll be the one to say it.. not really a date was it?

  16. 12:14 - Does this really happen? Seems like a nice way to warn another employer without having to bash the employee. I've never been asked about an employee's work ethic or behavior by another employer; it's always been "Did this candidate work at ___ from (x date) to (y date)?"
    You'd be surprised at how many people lie on this question alone...

  17. @12:47 - We've all worked our fair share of crap jobs, and everyone fantasizes about quitting in some grandiose fashion, sure. But actually doing that is a dickhead move. All that kid did was fuck over all his coworkers, who now have even more shit to clean up. The company will steamroll right on, no big deal.

    You want to leave a message for your boss, then make it personal. Shit on his/her desk or something. Make an ass out of them in front of a big group of people. There are lots of ways to go out in style without fucking over your unfortunate coworkers.

    This kid sounds like the kind of petulant little bitch who would trash the high school chem lab because he got a bad grade. Nobody wants to be around people like that.

  18. Who the hell lists a job they got fired from (much less a retail job) on their resume/job application? That shit is omitted, without question. No annoying phone calls are made and no poor reviews are given. All nice and tidy.

  19. If you don't list a job that you worked at for any length of time, there's a gap in your job history that looks like you might have been in prison.

    People who work shit jobs are held to a much higher standard than are professionals, 'architect'. Look at the politicians and Hollywood stars with histories of drunk-driving arrests, embezzlement, etc. that could never be hired at a Taco Bell. Grunts have to keep their noses clean.

  20. Agreed 12:18. You could also have been continuing your education or doing some traveling. Definitely easy to gloss over a gap in employment. And I have definitely done my time in the 'grunt' industry although I was only ever fired from one job. But you can bet your ass it never appears on an application or resume though ;)

  21. Maybe easy to gloss over in the food service and retail industries. Not so easy once you get into the professional levels of employment. If your interviewer buys "traveling" as an excuse for a several-month-long gap in your employment record then clearly your GED isn't getting you as far as you'd hoped.

  22. Can't have it both ways, 12:16. Is it "People who work shit jobs are held to a much higher standard than are professionals" or "Not so easy once you get into the professional levels of employment"? My vote is that it's easy at *all* levels, and if you don't think it is you aren't being smart/creative enough. You guys wouldn't believe what I've covered up in order to get my last several jobs. If you find it tough, then you are the type of person that responds '4 - Mostly agree' to the job screening question "I think it is sometimes ok to hit someone in anger." Honesty is for relationships, not employment.

  23. LOL @ Fizziks. You're my hero chica!


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