Tickle Me This

Submitted by Eli:

Ellen was a morning nurse at an elderly care home.  Thinking this awesome, I asked her out.  We had a light dinner during which she spent most of the time talking about herself and asking me absolutely nothing.

After our early dinner is when things got weird.  We sat down on a bench in a park, and she whispered, "Can I tell you a secret?"

Secrets are great.  I like secrets.  "Sure," I said.

"I like being tickled."

That's cool.  Everyone's different.  Some more than others.  Then, she followed up with, "Do you want to tickle me?"

I looked around in the fading afternoon light at all of the children, parents, joggers, and walkers around us.  It didn't seem like the proper time or place.  Still, she seemed like a girl who wanted to get it on.

"Maybe we could go back to... my place or your place?" I suggested.

She didn't like that idea.  "Too early.  Would you just tickle me right now?  A little?"

Again, I looked around.  I poked at her middle.

"YAAAAAAGH!" she squealed, loud enough to turn every head in town.  She jumped away and looked at me wide-eyed.

She demanded, "What the hell are you doing!?"

I must have been as pale as anything.  I stammered, "I-I... you wanted me to... er... tickle you, correct?"

She leaned in and said, "Not there!  That's my most sensitive spot!  Try somewhere else."

"Do I have to?"

She nodded vigorously.  I tried to wiggle my fingers under her armpit.  She had it clamped down tight.  I kept trying.  She kept squirming.  Finally, I jammed my fingers under her arm and she yelped so loudly that I thought she had died.

I took my hand away and she laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck.  "That was great," she said, "Thank you."

Yeah she was weird, but the date itself was just not-crazy enough for me to ask her out again.  She never returned my calls, though, so I figure she found some feather or something.



  1. "I poked at her middle." Tee hee.

    Tickling in public isn't really inappropriate, is it? I mean, as long as clothes stay on and all...
    Still, she should have told you where NOT to tickle her if she has off-limits zones.

    Sucks she didn't return calls though. She sounds like fun.

  2. You should have raised your hands and said in a menacing voice "I'm the TICKLE MONSTER!" and then just come at her, fingers wiggling. Although then we'd probably be reading her ABCOTD post and would have to sympathize with her for shooting you in the face. So in retrospect, it's probably a good thing you just poked at her.

  3. ^ That first sentence sounds very pedophilic.

  4. I'm with you, 12:50, but it's not pedophilia. Finding geriatric care nurses hot and awesome means you means the smells of your Alzheimer-riddled grandma gave you a boner. And OP thought *she* was the freak.

  5. OP sounds like no fun at all. Whats there to tickling a girl..? Especially one as touchy as her, probably would have led to other actions.

  6. Picnic lover4/15/2010 4:14 AM

    Loved your last line... "I figure she found some feather or something"

  7. I actually thought the last line was pretty weak.

  8. ^ Same here. And she probably found some hotter guy to use a feather on her.

  9. ^ Same here also. Also: peter piper picked peppers.

  10. ^ *ahem* Peter Piper PICKED pickled peppers. A whole peck of them. He never pickled them himself.
    And where the hell did that peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked go anyway?


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