Groundhog Date

Submitted by Nancy:

Gary took me to a strip mall Chinese place for our first date.  After the requisite chit-chat, he started going on about various women he had dated recently. There were several comments of this sort:

"This one girl I was on a date with last Thursday was batshit crazy."

"This girl I was on a date with last Friday treated me like crap but she wanted a second date all the same."

"Last Saturday, I went out with a girl who kept picking her nose and wiping it on herself. She was pretty cute, though."

It sounded like he didn't have any trouble attracting troublesome dates. The question was, why was he telling me all about them?

"You're different, though," he told me, "You seem normal. A big improvement over last time."

I asked him, "Last time?"

He said, "Yeah! Our last date. It was two years ago. Don't tell me you don't remember."

I had never, ever been on a date with this guy in my entire life. I told him, "You must have me confused with someone else."

He was intent on proving me wrong, "You and I met on Match.com two years ago. Your name is Nancy. You're a teacher. You have a brother, Jeff? Jim?"

I said, "I dont have any brothers. You have me confused for another teacher Nancy you must have dated. Plus, I've never been on Match."

He said, "Oh, it was you, all right. We had a great night together and you never called me back, but be coy if you want to."

"Dude, I seriously have never met you before tonight. We never had a minute, much less a night together."

"Okay, whatever you say."

"I've never been on Match! I don't have a brother!"

He became a bit angrier and said, "And I never forget a face. Cut the act, lady."

Oooookay. I swear I had never met this guy before, and even his biographical details about me were wrong. I made some excuse and ended the date early. He probably took two seconds to forget about me, but I'll be ready if he asks me out again in a couple of years.

Could have been worse.  A lot worse.


  1. If you think you feel weird, you should have seen Harvey Fierstein's face when this dude gave him a Mother's Day card. At least Harvey forgave him for not calling home more.

    Srly, tho, you needed some excuse to call a date short after someone snaps, 'Cut the act, lady!' at you?

  2. ^ True. A simple "I'm gonna go" would have been perfectly acceptable.

  3. "Oh, wow, now I remember you! You were telling me the story about how you hated sixth grade because the kindergarten kids found out you still wet the bed and used to beat you up at the bus stop, and then you said you thought Betty White was really hot because she looked just like your grandmother. Oh, and did the herpes and scabies ever clear up?"

    I'll have to admit, if I were Nancy, the thought would have seriously crossed my mind ....

  4. No need to be an ass Anon 7:13. This dude sounds pretty reasonable, he was just sure that Nancy was another Nancy. If he really remembers her that way, who can blaim him..

  5. no wonder why the first Nancy he met never called him back again... what a psycho! he's managed to scare away two teachers named Nancy, now that takes some talent!

    anon 7:13 has the right idea about how to handle the situation... since he wants to be so dense, give him a run for his money :]

  6. "Could have been worse. A lot worse."

    That's true; he seems like a great catch compared to two Christian families who are totally cool with their kids being killed or brain damaged "for Jesus."

  7. 10:09 - WTF are you even talking about?

  8. I am pretty sure 10:09 is talking about Jared's link. That would be why the link is quoted in full before hizzer comments.

  9. Ah, ok. Sorry 10:09. I ignore Jared's links, as they usually don't add anything to the story, and are generally quite lame.


  10. Don't hate on Jared's links, 1:24. While blog links aren't my favorites, such as sausage links, it's always lovely when someone puts in extra time to an experience. I recognize the innuendo in the latter end of that sentence, and I shall allow it.

  11. Oh damn, this is what hitting random does. I'm six years too late with my witty comment. How will I ever find a virtual friend now?


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