A Girl is Not a Napkin

Submitted by Glory:

Jason had an idea that sounded great at first glance — an evening picnic by a lake in a park. He had been a friend of mine for a while, and we had just recently decided to try dating, to see if we had any deeper connection.

The evening started off on the wrong foot almost immediately. When I arrived at our rendezvous spot, there was no sign of him. He sneaked up on me from behind, possibly making me shit myself.

I hit him hard in the face. He asked me what my problem was. I told him that I had a problem with guys who jumped me from behind. He said to forget about it and I helped him carry the picnic items into the park.

He had made pasta salad and lasagna, which was very nice. He also forgot utensils. He suggested that we just sort of tilt the Tupperware into our mouths and spill the food in. That worked for me, but the tomato sauce was really runny and it spilled down my outfit.

He leaned in and said, "Let me take care of that," and then started licking the front of my blouse.

I shoved him away and he yelled, "I was only trying to help!"

So this date wasn't going so well, but I was still willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He ate his lasagna like it was the first meal he had eaten for a week. After we were done, he suggested we go for a walk.

During the walk, he kept trying to grope me, and when I asked him not to, he didn't seem to listen. The next time he reached for something of mine, I grabbed his hand and twisted it hard.

At the end of the date, he told me that he had a good time. At least one of us did. He went in for a kiss, but I caught his face with my hand and wished him a good night.

He must have known that something didn't go well, because we stayed friends, but he never asked me out again.


  1. maybe the girl punched him before she realized who it was? I've known people who it was a bad idea to startle because their first reaction was to punch the person out.

  2. If I were walking through a park, alone, and was suddenly grabbed/touched from behind, I would have the exact same reaction. The OP has done absolutely nothing wrong. God forbid someone actually defends their personal space and doesn't want to be touched inappropriately!

  3. Glory.... what is wrong with you?

  4. He certainly made a few missteps, but one day someone's going to defend themselves against your violence and you're going to lose teeth. It'll legal be self-defence, too.

  5. Something about this screams fake. Things just don't sound right at all.

  6. ^^I agree. It just seems like a combination of bad movie subplots.

  7. 9:10, my first reaction about most of this date made me think it was fake too. Maybe not all of it, but at least most.

    To those that say their first reaction would be to punch a person that came and grabbed them from behind, you'd think you would have enough reaction time to either not punch the person, or at least "pull" the punch when you realized it was your friend. If not, you're probably lying.

    10:20 - did the OP say that the person touched her inappropriately? Get over yourself, nobody wants to rape you.

    5:41 - it sounds like you know some violent people. If your first reaction to physical contact is to respond in violence, you have a few emotional issues you should probably work out.

  8. 1:10
    Licking the front of a girl's blouse doesn't sound inappropriate to you? You've got a lot of restraining orders, don't you?

  9. This guy thought that when Glory said she was interested in a "deeper connection" that it meant only that she wanted to have sex. It explains (although not excuses) his behavior.

  10. 3:24 - My comment of the inappropriate touch was in response to the OP turning around and hitting the guy. She did this before he tried to lick her blouse. Pay attention.


  11. "Glory, you better watch your ass. You can only go around striking men for so long before you find one who's not quite so chivalrous."

    This is exactly right. The guy shouldn't try to touch you if you don't want him to, but if he was your friend why not just give him a "Slow down there, buddy!"

    You are lucky you weren't dating a stranger, because half the guys I know--and I'm not saying they'd be right to do it--would have beaten the ever-loving shit out of you when you "twisted" their hand.

  12. You're obviously a guy who has no idea how to treat another person.
    1. He grabbed her from behind, fight or flight? Fight.
    2. He ate like a slob, needs to learn basic manners and planning skills.
    3. He groped her. Women do not owe you anything, least of all our bodies, just because you fed us. We are not petting zoo animals.
    4. Leaning away wouldn't have done shit since this guy fails to understand boundaries or social cues.


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