3/22/2010

From the "Please Don't Breed" Department:

Submitted by Julianna:

I met Henry at a college party. He seemed attractive and fun enough, so I agreed to go on a date with him. About one week later he was rolling up next to my dorm. I should have known the mistake I was about to make when I saw him. He was fully rocking the douchebag package, complete with flashy car and barbed wire tattoos, which I hadn't seen at the party.

It was the point of no return when we got on the highway. Although he didn't have a pass, he kept driving through the Fast-Lane. "Laziness" was his justification for not paying the tolls or getting a pass. I later found out there is a fifty dollar fine for every infraction like that.

It had been about an hour since we left my dorm, and we were officially in the middle of nowhere. Simply because he was cute, I made out with him when we arrived at his apartment. He looked at the time and said, "Oh, my girlfriend will be home soon." Needless to say, I was pretty surprised. Henry had another surprise for me: he was throwing a small party, and he wanted to "hook me up" with his friend Larry.

Larry was okay, but I still managed to have a little bit of fun with Henry, his girlfriend, and their friends at the party. Unfortunately, it all went downhill when Henry got angry and punched his girlfriend in the face for absolutely no reason. In a bizarre attempt to defend himself, Henry started shouting, "I didn't even punch her hard! I didn't even punch her hard," while punching himself in the face.

Soon afterward, his cheeks already puffy from his self-inflicted wounds, he demanded that everyone leave the house except for his girlfriend. Offended and confused, people began to trickle away into the night. Since I was the only person who didn't live close by, I ended up by myself, left to wander the streets aimlessly.

Henry finally called me about an hour later and told me to come back up. He let me sleep on his couch while he and his girlfriend retired to the bedroom. The next morning, I saw his girlfriend leave for work, and Henry slunk out of his bed. I told him that I wanted to go home.

He told me to be patient, and went off to shower, brush his teeth, etc. He came out of the shower, wearing nothing but a black eye and a wicked grin, and informed me that he wasn't taking me home until I gave him a blow job.

Anyway, you can imagine what happened after that. The most mind-boggling thing about the whole ordeal is that he had no idea that he did anything wrong. He kept instant messaging me for months, referring to me as his "friend," and getting increasingly irritated that I wouldn't hang out with him.

Finally, I told him to buzz off. I will leave you with his parting words: "Whatever. You gave bad blow jobs anyway."


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Help is available.

68 comments:

  1. I really hope this isn't real. I really, REALLY hope this isn't real. Because if it is, then I agree with Jared that all of the people involved in this story should be forcibly sterilized, preferably with rusty instruments.

    I think the OP is straight trollin', yo.

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  2. the last 3 paragraphs are the worst. i agree with nikki. if the OP isn't trolling then she needs some kind of help, as does everyone else in this story.

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  3. LMFAO!

    I particularly loved, "Anyway, you can imagine what happened after that."

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  4. *beat* *beat* OH! You're trying to be funny. Got it.

    I mean, I don't get it, but whatever gets your jollies off.

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  5. Another vote for troll - if only because otherwise I will shoot everyone I know and then myself so we don't have to live in a world like this. Yikes.

    Otherwise, OP, calculate the cost of a taxi from his apt to your dorm so you know the exact price of your self-worth.

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  6. @Fizziks

    One of my favorite comments on here in a while.

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  7. I think I'm going to sterilize myself just out of fear that any of my children will end up like the OP or the douche she blew since she's such a fucking retard.

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  8. Ah. I get it. A blowjob is so much easier than taking a bus and keeping your self-respect.

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  9. Wow. I wish I could un-read this. And, what I imagine happened next was punching him in the face and leaving, but hey, guess we have different ideas of a good time.

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  10. You silly b****.

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  11. You blew him after he beat a woman? WTF, seriously? You stayed at his house after he beat her too? Why didn't you call a friend- or a family member- or take a cab or ride the bus? This better be fake. Good Lord you are sick.

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  12. Actually honey, that's not the most mind-boggling thing about this whole ordeal. You get one guess what is.

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  13. I also vote for the OP being a troll. I've known some idiot girls but none THAT dumb, not even close. If it is true, I don't think preventing them from breeding is enough. They should all be tossed into an active volcano.

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  14. Oh, I wish evolution would make people like this sterile so they won't make more idiots who hang out with creeps who have a girlfriend but ask out a girl, take their lives in their hands by getting a ride from a reckless driver, stand by as he is abusive to this girlfriend, then allow themselves to be forced to give a sexual favor in exchange for a car ride home. Pathetic.

    If this is a troll, even worse. What a waste of time it was to read this post.

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  15. I dislike this guy, but I hate Julianna.

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  16. what the F*CK is wrong with you??

    good god i hope you're a troll.

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  17. gotta be a fake. I'm not going to allow myself to think anything otherwise

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  18. The most mind-boggling thing is that you didn't even blow Larry. You could've at least helped a brother out.

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  19. OP, you have the IQ of a piece of fruit. I hope you're pretty because you sure aren't fucking smart.

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  20. Troll for sure, targeted at guys who can't understand why some girls degrade themselves, and at girls who want to feel holier-than-thou. This never happened.

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  21. Jesus Christ, people. This is Julianna, and this is a real story. Yeah, no one did the right thing in this situation, but this is real life, not a goddamn movie. There is no hero fighting evil for the sake of the "greater good." I don't know if you've looked around you, but I have to tell you something: real people don't do shit. You don't do shit. People just aimlessly drift around, occasionally finding themselves in situations where they get down on their knees and blow someone with a misshapen penis. If you disagree, please give me a long, descriptive example of a time you were a good person.

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  22. I don't think it's about being a GOOD person. We're not comparing you to Mother Teresa. It's about being an INTELLIGENT person. You gave a blowjob to the subject of THAT STORY UP THERE. Oh my GODDDDDD.

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  23. So people end up in shitty situations where they make bad decisions because they're unintelligent? Please. I guess I'm not cut out for this whole internet posting thing... I'm not into doling out judgments based on a few sentences and name-calling.

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  24. Listen up, honey. This wasn't about making a couple of bad decisions. This was about putting yourself into a situation where you could have been easily raped, beaten, or killed. Maybe all three. It was obvious pretty quickly that this wasn't a guy you were safe with, at all.
    I'm seeing three options here: 1) You have a lower IQ than a gnat 2) You made this up 3) You left out a lot of stuff to try to make you look better and make him look worse.
    You could have taken a bus, called a cab, called a friend or relative to give you a ride. Instead, you decided to basically sell yourself for a ride home. How can you justify that?

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  25. Wow. Just wow.

    I can't believe the stupidity you display here. You didn't think about asking him where you were going ahead of time (so you wouldn't be stranded an hour's drive from your dorm). You stayed at his place after seeing things that should have convinced you not to (such as his seemingly explosive temper). You didn't "find yourself" anywhere, you landed yourself there.

    Of course "he didn't think he did anything wrong" because you rewarded his behavior at every turn - capping it off by whoring yourself out for a ride.

    What do you mean "real people don't do shit"? Do you mean most people lead pointless lives so this experience is just one more meaningless event before you die?

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  26. How could she have been raped? Can't rape the willing...

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  27. Don't feed the troll.

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  28. The writer makes observations that indicate some sort of intelligence, but exhibits low self-esteem. Entirely possible. Women put up from all sorts of shit from men (and visa versa).

    Odd, though, that a girl would get to an apartment and not notice the signs of another woman living there. Seems like a troll.

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  29. I doubt 8:43pm is even the OP, but if she is...sweetie most women aren't like you and would never consider stooping even close to as low, stupid, and trashy as you are. I can say with confidence that I am a much smarter and moral person than you. The vast majority of women (and men!) are better than you. That's why there are so many pissed off comments here. You are an incredibly stupid whore and a shame to all women. You're disgusting. Please get your tubes tied.

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  30. You didn't innocently find yourself in that situation. You got there by making a series of amazingly bad decisions. I too have made some bad decisions. All people do. But I have never been in a situation as fucked up as the one described. No way. You're either a lying troll or the stupidest person on the earth. If you are real then you need to close your legs, use your brain, and get some self respect before you end up dead.

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  31. Please don't breed, please don't breed. Don't bring anyone else into this world as stupid, stupid, stupid as yourself.

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  32. 9:56 has it exactly right. There is nothing you relate about your behavior that would have given the signal that he did anything wrong (which of course he did, but by being so pliant and willing, why should he think so?).

    But I disagree with other posters about it being a moral issue. To me, it's just a self-worth issue. I'm all for the casual blowjob, but only if I already wanted to give you one, not because I'm being blackmailed into it. It's that OP rewarded that kind of extortion that I feel sick.

    I could give a crap about your "good" or "bad" deeds, OP. But if you permit someone to treat you this way and nonchalantly give him everything he asks for no matter how he acts, don't post your experience here. It's only as bad as *you* made it.

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  33. Juliana here again:

    OH MY GAWD YOU GUYS!! DOESN'T EVERYONE GIVE BLOW JOBS TO ABUSIVE FUCKTARD ASSHOLES SO THEY CAN GET A RIDE HOME?! LET SHE WHO NEVER PUT HERSELF IN A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE SITUATION AND THEN TRIED TO GET ALL NIHILISTIC AND EXISTENTIAL CAST THE FIRST STONE, Y'ALL.

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  34. All the comments to this story seem entirely deserved and justified, I think for once in the history of the internet. I've saved a screenshot of this page for the annals of history.

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  35. 9:19, lol but we all know you're joking and posing as her because Julianna is much too busy working the morning shift at her local strip club. Dumb whores have to pay bills too. In all seriousness though I call FAKE FAKE FAKE because I refuse to believe someone this stupid exists. oh and anyone saying that giving random BJs to people isn't "a moral issue" should probably get tested for STDs.

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  36. Giving BJ's to people because you find them attractive is not a moral issue. Why would you think so? And believe it or not, I give BJs to people, and I don't have a single STD! Amazing!!

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  37. I think 4:58 has it exactly right.
    Every indignant comment here is a feather in the OP's troll hat.

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  38. Giving BJs to people just because you "find them attractive" is a very basic moral issue and one of the main reasons why the rest of the world thinks the united states is a cesspool of immorality. Is it that difficult to show some restraint? If you don't have an STD by now then I'm sure you will soon.

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  39. She seems like a good date to me.

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  40. She made a bad decision, but honestly, for someone who hadn't experienced many confrontations, this would probably be 'the easiest way out' in their mind. I don't blame the OP even though there were other choices she could've made to get out of the situation she was in... one being, calling the police in the first place for him hitting the girl. It's never good to allow yourself to be in a hostile position, plus the police are supposed to help the public so I'm sure if she felt uneasy about the situation, they would've given her a ride if she had no other options. I wouldn't call her a whore, but I do think more happened in the story than what was told. There's something seriously wrong with the dude for going all that way for another girl when he's already got one and bringing her back to a place where the girlfriend is already at. In a sane mind of someone who didnt want to be caught cheating, they would've taken the new girl elsewhere, not to a familiar place where they would be caught. This story is all kinds of messed up!

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  41. but the real question here is: did she spit or swallow?

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  42. 10:38, the half the world that thinks we're immoral do so because we educate girls and don't kill gay people. The other half the world actually thinks we're prudes. Europe was flummoxed by the Lewinsky scandal.

    And the Christian girls that "Would never ever, except this one time I did...." are far more likely to get pregnant or get a STD than a person that knows and takes responsibility for his/her sex life.

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  43. 10:38, some of us live active sex lives. Who are you to say that is immoral? Your morals may be based on "having one partner for life", but that doesn't mean everyone is that way. You don't catch STDs by having sex with multiple people. You catch STDs by having unsafe sex with people who have STDs. Sex is fun; you should give it a try once in a while.

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  44. The point of my earlier comments is not really to defend myself or justify what I did, they're simply stating, "why do you care?" I'm confused why my character is up for judgment when the whole purpose of my writing the story was for your entertainment. It's an interesting story. It just seems so far from any relevancy to call me stupid or a horrible person. Okay, and that is all. Probably everyone is done commenting anyway. -Julianna

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  45. I'm not done "Julianna"
    JMG's title of Please Don't Breed is very fitting because the moment things went downhill wasn't when he punched a girl in the face but at the moment the date started. Still...
    Obvious troll is obvious...I hope.

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  46. People with "active sex lives" (screw anyone & everyone) are no better than julianna. Maybe you guys should look in the morrow before you criticize her. Having sex with everything that moves results in fun things like heartbreak and AIDS. Grow up. People don't want to settle down with whores so keep that in mind once your oats are sown and you want to get married.

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  47. Definitely made a ton of bad decisions here... He didn't deserve the benefit of the doubt. That being said you should have phoned for a cab or a friend to pick you up. You need to get some major classes in assertiveness girl! Not to mention contact the police and possibly get a lawyer! Under the law coercion into sex (refusing to take you home till you gave him a blowjob) is RAPE.

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  48. Hi, I'm Barack Obama.

    That is not the real Julianna posting. I had the OP arrested and sent to Guantanamo so she won't give our country a bad name ever again.

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  49. I think it is terribly sad how a lot of people today view sex as nothing more than recreation. No love or sense of loyality attached. Just biology. It's so depressing. Julianna if you are reading this, I just want to say that I hope you break free from that and find someone who actually cares about you and thinks of you as something more than just a body.

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  50. And I think it's terribly sad how a lot of people deny themselves sex because they're not in love with a person. It's just a matter of different opinions, so get off your high horse and live / let live.

    6:20 - I don't screw anyone and everyone. I screw anyone and everyone *that I find attractive*. You realize HIV is a preventable virus, right? Have you heard of using condoms? They're these magical little gloves that fit over a penis that are damn good at stopping you from contracting HIV. If you have unprotected sex with any of your partners that you've been dating for years, and they happen to cheat on you, you're at a higher risk of contracting HIV than I am. And not all of us see marriage as a good thing. Go choke on dick.

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  51. 10:08am, I hope you find happiness. You are very defensive about your lifestyle. I feel for you and for people like Julianna. I hope realize that there is a lot of joy to be found in a stable and loving relationship. A life partner in any form is a great gift- that is why married people live for much longer than single people. Good luck to you. You're playing with fire and I would hate for you to look back on your life with regret. I used to be like you and I hope you wise up like I did.

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  52. Married people have way more sex than single people do too. There was a recent study we went over in college that showed they have more sex, more money, and better health than single people. So I guess the people getting laid all the time aren't the Juliannas of the world. Don't knock marriage.

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  53. Conservative trolls on this website make me lol. :)

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  54. I can't imagine what it must be like to just have a series of sex partners and never be in love. At that point you might as well be masturbating. And I don't know about anyone else here, but I am definitely not a conservative.

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  55. You COULD have a series of sex partners and be in love with some of them, or love them, or be affectionate towards them. Just b/c you have a lot of sex with more than one person in your life doesn't mean that it's all anonymous, uncaring banging. I may not have been in love with all of my sex partners, but I at least really liked them and cared about them at the time we had sex.

    And the definition of masturbation is that you're giving YOURSELF orgasms without another person involved. Sex without love is still sex, NOT masturbation. I get what you're saying, but it's unnecessary hyperbole.

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  56. Ah, Nikki, we're never going to convince the people that can't distinguish between no sex before marriage and indiscriminate sex.

    In the past ten years, I've had 2 five year relationships and one casual fling (still friends with that third one). If someone thinks that my lack of a moral stance on the casual flings means that I don't know that "there is joy in a stable and loving relationship", I think that say loads more about them than me. :P

    And since so many men in marriages are "one the down low" I think it's funny that people like me are considered the ones playing with fire. You don't have to be the person striking the match to be burned. But what do I know? Since I'm apparently screwing anyone and everyone I know yet only 3 people, I must just not know enough people! Too funny.

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  57. "DOESN'T EVERYONE GIVE BLOW JOBS TO ABUSIVE FUCKTARD ASSHOLES SO THEY CAN GET A RIDE HOME?!"

    No. Apparently just you. I can safely say I've never had a dick in my mouth for any reason.

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  58. 10:40 : I get defensive about my lifestyle when people attack my lifestyle (such as telling me I will catch AIDS). I have many friendships, and with some of them, we include sex with our friendship. I am very happy with my life and the way I live it. It may upset you, and you may not choose to live the same way, but that doesn't mean I want a change. I hope one day you will stop judging others. You come across as being filled with hate.

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  59. Fifty-seventh!

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  60. I think it's funny how the people throw out the term troll loosely claiming the submitter of the story is a troll.

    Take a moment to think about that one.

    Laughable.

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  61. I think the OP is a troll b/c "her" story includes pretty much EVERYTHING that drives the commenters on this site wild with opinionating. (Yeah, I went there.) She puts herself in a dangerous situation, with an abusive asshole who is already dating someone else. She has no escape plan. She allows herself to be degraded by giving the abusive asshole a blow job so he'll "allow" her to go home. Then "she" claims in a comment that those of us judging her have "made mistakes" in our lives that are probably on par with hers. Look at the number of comments on this story. If that's not the work of a good troll, I don't know what is.

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  62. My hopes for trolling were for all the reasons you say, Nikki. But I must also admit it could be a case of Borderline Personality Disorder. That would fit too, sadly, with being unable to make the distinction of being extorted for a sex act and also the dissociative passivity demonsrated. I desperately want you to be right and this hypothesis to be wrong, tho.

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  63. @ Nikki 9:39

    I think there were a couple subjects left out that would have made it monumental, like hunting, gun control, and health care.

    if those things were included the comments would have been EPIC, but WE DODGED A BULLET with that.

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  64. Argh! You're so right, 10:46! It also didn't include anything about vegetarianism (although you could argue there was a reference to her "eating meat" heh heh heh). I think that really would have upped the EPICNESS of this BULLET DODGING.

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  65. The bullet dodging is so epic, it makes me want to go fuck a stranger!

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  66. Wow 65 freakin comments. One would assume she is a youngin (about 14 or 15) hanging out with assholes who have girlfriends and giving BJs for a ride home, etc.. But then you read she got picked up in a dorm, college.. WOW..

    He obviously only thought of you ass a piece of ass, not even.. he didn't even fuck you apparently he just 'LET YOU' suck her penis.. Notice how he is GOING OUT with his girlfriend? It's because she'as probably not a hoe so guys will wifey her.. Unlike you who probably has a bad reputation and get used because rumors spread and guys only look at you like a piece of ass.. nothing more.. So sad

    And no, I've gotten myself into situation but NEVER like this story^ above, Because unlike you, I have self respect and morals.

    When you respect yourself, you will get respected.*

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  67. Wow.. This has to be a troll. Surely....?

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  68. Wow. Lots of victim-blaming going on in the comments, here. This guy--who had already shown himself to be prone to sudden, violent outbursts--deliberately kept the OP at his mercy so he could take advantage of her. She was probably afraid of him. There's no telling what he might have done if she refused.

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