Define "Date"

Submitted by Paulina:

I went on a date with James this past fall.  We had agreed to meet up at a bar.  I arrived first and sat in a booth.

When he showed up, he gave me a big hug and sat next to me.  I asked him if he'd prefer to sit across from me.  Easier to look at each other and talk and all that.  This seemed to confuse him, and he said, "Okay..." as if this was a strange thing for me to suggest.

He would touch me through dinner, little touches, grazing his fingers on my wrist and all that, but it was overboard.  He was doing it way too often, and it wasn't casual.  He was making a concerted effort to do it.  That and slide his foot up and down my ankle.  I shifted away twice but that didn't stop him from trying.

At the point at which he called me his "girlfriend," I told him that he was moving a bit fast for me.

That set him off.  He asked me what this was if it wasn't a date, what I was expecting from him, and he lectured me that I shouldn't have a profile up on a dating site if I didn't want to date.

I told him that he shouldn't have a profile up if he didn't know what "date" meant.  He raised his voice and commanded me not to lecture him, that he had had more significant others in the past five years than I'd have in my life.  I pointed out that this wasn't something to brag about, and he became even more upset.

I came to realize (a little too late) that this was a game he was playing.  He wanted to keep me with him as long as possible, and me arguing back and forth would only serve his purposes.  I gave up on arguing with him then and there, and the remainder of the date was him making all sorts of passive-aggressive comments.


  1. So....if you had this realization, were unhappy, and made the first step of stopping the arguing, why was there even a "remainder of the date" left to put up with?

    You pointing out that having lots of S.O.s in five years meant he was unable to make them last was hysterical, tho.

  2. uh yeah - WHY DID YOU STAY?????

  3. Poor communication. This guy is obviously expressive physically and a bit forward. Neither are wrong, but obviously that's not the kind of expression you like to receive so soon.

    Some people do.

  4. @ Celeb: Anyone that gets upset because you don't want to use "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" on the first date is just psycho. You have one date with someone you met online, you *aren't* at the gf/bf level yet. That's more than just forward. That's sucked-into-a-black-hole desperate.

  5. You say you knew about his 'game' and that he wanted to keep you there and you imply that you were against that...yet you stayed which implies that you condone the behavior and had no problem with him. ...
    Anyway, too intimate, too fast is a red-flag and makes most people uncomfortable.

  6. you probably looked like you needed a good cornholing. old boy was just trying to take care of your needs.

  7. Yeah, I don't think there'd be a "rest of the date" for me.


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