Actually, It's Simple

Submitted by Liz:

My first date with Tom was pretty good.  He didn't do anything that made me uncomfortable, and he seemed to be actually interested in everything that I had to say.  The man himself was a little bland, but not so much that I wouldn't consider a second date with him if he asked.

When I came home, I signed into my Facebook to find that he had requested my assent to "In a relationship" status.  Certainly not!  We just had one date!  I turned it down.

When I woke up the next morning, another request from him.  This time, he wanted me to sign up for being "In an open relationship."  No thanks.

By that evening, he had requested, "It's complicated."  No!  No!  No!  It's simple!  We're not anything!  We had one date!  Stop trying to show your friends that you have game by being in a rush to change your relationship status!

He defriended me shortly thereafter and didn't contact me anymore.  He wasn't exactly the sort of guy I'd miss, so luckily, it was a neat and tidy end.

Relevant Articles by Jared:
Switched - Changing Relationship Status at the Altar
Glamour - How Social Media Can Ruin Your Relationship
Time - Potential Perils of Changing Relationship Status

I've never been a fan of Facebook relationship statuses.  Especially if you're a girl, I'd imagine that all of your creepy guy friends are just waiting for your "In a relationship" to switch to "Single" so that they can bombard your wall with, "OMG WHAT HAPPENED?" and "if u need 2 talk, u kno u always can 2 me" and "Let's hang this weekend.  We'll forget all about that bum.  My place.  Bring wine."  I prefer leaving it blank.  The people who count will know that you're in a relationship.

What are the upsides to advertising it?  If you're a guy or girl, I'd be curious.


  1. Uh oh, Jared is starting to add more and more of his own comments to people's stories, rather than posting in the Comments section...

  2. What's the upside of advertising it? I'm in a happy relationship with someone I love; I personally don't see any downside to it being a part of my profile.

    Unless you wind up on stfumarrieds of course; that's a downside. Or I guess if you have creepy guy friends. I consider myself a pretty ok judge of character though, and I really don't anticipate any problems arising if I did become single again.

    I think all of those articles, and the dude in the date, seem to take facebook way too seriously though. It actually surprises me how many Time articles are written about facebook and facebook trends.

    But yeah, the dude was creepy; glad he at least defriended and did not continue a life of cyberstalking.

  3. The upside to posting your relationship status is that when you become single and advertise it, you instantly get about 10 booty calls right there on your facebook wall. Since the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, I don't see this as a problem.

  4. My boyfriend and I had been on two dates (after the first night when we met) when he changed his status to "in a relationship" with me. Never asked me about it in person, never even made it seem that he really *wanted* to date me long-term. I accepted (b/c I really liked him, so what the hell), and we've now been together for three years.

    When you know, you know. Obviously, it just wasn't there with this guy, so it was sad and creepy.

  5. since only my friends can see my fb info (I'm female and I have my profile locked up as tight as I can get it) I really see no point in changing my relationship status.

    I agree that I don't have to put my status on fb in order for those who are important to me to know if I'm dating or not. I'm also not one of those people who considers what others will think before making decisions in my life.

  6. As a chick, I find that if I am not really clear about when I am dating someone, that others can get their feelings hurt or feel misled. Not that I am that hot, mostly as I have a very open and interested manner with people that apparently others read as romantic interest. Anything that I can do to draw lines helps me - I am not choosing to send those signals, I'm just genuinely clueless. And just pretending not to enjoy anyone's company seems like a poor fix to the situation.

  7. Cheers to the non status-changers! Maybe I'll change it once I'm married. Or maybe nobody will be using Facebook by then... wait, that sounds pathetic. Shit. Awesome story!!

  8. When I got together with my girlfriend, I didn't put in the request to be "in a relationship" through Facebook until after we had the talk.

  9. First of all, how is this a bad date story? Secondly, why do you have creepy guy friends? I don't think that is a very good quality to have for a friend. Third, is your relationship status on facebook really a big deal?

  10. Facebook is just so gay for that reason alone. Nobody cares but YOU that you are in a relationship or that your marriage is suddenly "complicated'. Fawk!

  11. @12:21 I never got the It's Complicated one, unless it's being used ironically/humorously/by 14-year-olds -- I mean do people actually decide that their relationship is ~so complicated~ that it bears labeling on facebook? Come on.

    1. I've never used "it's complicated" on Facebook, but I have on FetLife. I have relationships that just don't fit nicely into any of the usual labeled categories, but that are still important enough for me to want to acknowledge.

  12. @12:10
    Many girls accept any and all friend requests and try to build "friend empires" of as many people as possible. It's usually girls with low self-esteem.

  13. Jared - Love the new interaction and related links. Yer cool.

    I just had 'the talk/it's official' with the boyfriend. I leave it blank, but I haven't looked at his. I think we are too busy having hot monkey new-relationship sex to worry about it.

    I think the afterglow and goofy grin speaks louder than Facebook status.

  14. I like Jared's new links.

  15. I've never had a problem like that on Facebook because I only add close family/friends, but MySpace is a completely different story. On MySpace I would get hit on a LOT if my status was "single", mostly by guys I hadn't talked to since high school. The worst was when my friend introduced me to some guy, we hung out for a few hours, and when I came home I saw that he had put me as his #1 on MySpace. That creeped me out.

  16. He liked you, of course he is creepy.

  17. @Fizziks
    "I have a very open and interested manner with people that apparently others read as romantic interest."

    So what you are saying is you like to flirt, nothing wrong with that. Some girls need steady ego boost.

    "I'm just genuinely clueless" - apparently not so much as to have a realization this happens. Again, sound pretty damn proud to be gloating about it here.

  18. @Nikki

    "My boyfriend and I had been on two dates... when he changed his status to "in a relationship" with me..." "I accepted (b/c I really liked him, so what the hell)"

    "When you know, you know."

    How naive are you? Get real. Do you ever think before commenting here? @@

    You probably think the bachelor(ette) is a good show. Look at the track record. ?1 marriage has lasted and most didn't even get married.

    What about the women that dropped the dude who was shipping off to Iraq? Not like she didn't know he was in the service.

  19. way to go nikki, 10:26 sounds like they still believe in arranged marriages.

  20. I didn't change my status right away when me and my husband first started dating, but I am glad I did (and glad I eventually changed it to "married" to him when that time came).

    I find it really makes a difference in the amount of facebook emails and IMs I would otherwise receive from guys I knew from high school trying to hit on me.

    Now, I don't even have to bother with IM-dodging or awkwardly saying I'm not interested.

    Plus I like when people list relationships, because then I can know when they're over and gossip about it, teehee.

  21. Thanks 4:29 & 6:02. I don't really see how my three-year-long, emotionally healthy relationship that didn't play out in front of a national audience on TV is anything like "The Bachelor(ette)" (neither of which I watch), but obviously that guy doesn't think before typing, or else he would have come up with a better metaphor. *shrug*

    I hope he's just bitter and alone. I'd hate to be the girl dating him. :P

  22. My current bf and I both changed our statuses long after "the talk" and as a mutual decision. I wouldn't even dream of changing my status unless that was the situation.

    As long as it was on confirming we are serious and committed, I was glad to change it. I have a lot of really good friends who live far away and this was something I was proud to announce.

  23. I'm still petitioning facebook to include the status updates:

    "Roughing Up the Suspect" With a pic of a me beating a perp. By perp I mean .....my penis.

    "Dial-Up Fail Again" With a pic of me asleep at the computer, dick in hand, with a half-loaded porn jpeg on the screen.

    or my favorite

    "Mother May I Have Dinner?" With a pic of me sitting in front of the tv on my racecar bed with an elderly lady bringing in dinner.

  24. The best/worst is when you see one person's status change from in a relationship to complicated to single to back in a relationship over the course of like a day. I picture them on the phone, fighting with their significant other, while simultaneously changing their status. Seriously, no one cares. I had mine on single for a while and then just deleted it all together. Anyone who matters will know when I'm in or not in a relationship.


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