Unhappy Ending

Submitted by Robert:

Back when I tried online dating, I never had a lot of success. Lets be frank, I'm kinda fat and most women just tune you out when you mention this. Imagine my surprise then when a relatively attractive girl named Alice sent me a message, and after a little bit of chatting she said that she'd love to go and have a few drinks with me.

Well, I ended up meeting her at a bar close to her house. I arrived about five minutes early, and she showed up right on time, looking pleased as punch to see me. After a few drinks and chatting for a bit, I felt great. She was smart, read the same kind of books that I do, and even liked the same kind of beer that I do. Seemed like a winner so far.

Then, out of nowhere, Alice asked me if I wanted to trade some secrets. The first secret she told me was about the time she got drunk at a party. Her ex-boyfriend bet her $10 that she wouldn't make out with her best friend, another girl. They had done it, but the ex-boyfriend claimed he hadn't seen, and they ended up making them make out three or four times until he admitted he'd finally seen it. I laughed along with her. It was a funny story, and also kind of hot. Awesome.

I told her about the time I got drunk and accidentally ran into a clear plastic door when someone shut it in my face. It was a bit embarrassing at the time, especially when I fell unconscious as a result, but she laughed and smiled about it.

Then, abruptly, she stopped laughing and looked me in the eye. "I have another secret to tell you.  I had an abortion a couple of months ago." Having said it, she suddenly burst into tears.

Suddenly nothing was fun anymore. Everyone in the bar was looking at us, and I just wanted to leave. Alice wouldn't stop crying, and so I offered to go and get her some napkins.

By the time I'd gotten back she thanked me, and cleaned herself up. She was slowly calming down again, apologizing and wanting to change the subject. She rushed off to get another round of drinks so I'd have time to think of my next story.

I ended up telling another story or two, but I wasn't much into it anymore. Alice kept sniffling and making little noises on the other side of the table, like she would start crying again at any moment. She eventually stopped making comments entirely.

Unable to stand talking to a brick wall any longer, I told her that it was getting late and that I'd better consider going. She looked immediately horrified, and begged me to stay. When I was hesitant, she asked if we could go to my car for some privacy. Considering the glares I was getting from some of the patrons in the bar, I consented.

In the car, we chatted about books we both enjoyed. After a bit, she started kissing down my neck and exploring me with her hands.  Awesome.  There's nothing that can go wrong.

Then she started crying again. "I'm sorry," she told me, "But this is reminding me of my ex-fiancee."

The ex-fiancee apparently convinced her to have the abortion in the first place, claiming that once the procedure was done, they would have a reason to stay close. He broke up with her a week later.

The girl was really sobbing this time, and when your shirt is soaked with tears the last thing on your mind is continuing the date. I sighed, and suggested that maybe things would be for the best if we parted ways.

"Please, don't leave just yet" she told me as tears gushed out of her eyes. She fumbled with the zipper on my pants. "I'll give you a great blowjob."

Instead of the "No thank you, I feel like I would just be taking advantage of the situation" line that I meant to say, all that came out was, "All right."

Now, I know some people have heard the line, "The lapdance is so much better when the stripper is crying." Well let me tell you one thing: the blowjob is not better if there's tears running down your shaft.

I dropped her off at her car afterwords, and neither one of us tried to contact the other. I don't think either one of us blames the other very much.


  1. You should have known something was wrong with this chick as soon as you found out she was okay with you being fat.


    Dude this is a good date you got a Beej, be happy.

  3. @8:56

    OMG horrible :)

  4. wow, here was a girl looking for some support after a difficult time, and you let her degrade herself like that. the whole time you were thinking of nothing but the date.

    i can't believe you let her give you a blowjob. maybe its just karma that your fat.

  5. 9:32, that is a difficult time she put herself into. As for him, he is a guy, and it started out great so why not try and keep going? He was nice to let her cry and listen to her instead of walking out like a lot of people would have.

  6. @9:51 (this is 9:32 btw, i really need to register lol)

    so basically, you're saying that he's not a scumbag because rather than going out there looking for emotionally fragile girls he was just an oppurtunist.

    and 9:38, the OP said he was continuously trying to get out of it, the only thing that stopped him was her sexual advances. he wasn't bothered about her, only himself.

  7. Well let me tell you one thing: the blowjob is not better if there's tears running down your shaft.


    Genuinely one of the funniest things I've read on here for a while.

  8. This girl's situation is exactly what gives fuel to the anti abortion fire. She was engaged, got pregs, then actually had an abortion to please her fiance? What? And then she wanted sympathy? The OP walked right into a lot of drama and did his best. The BJ was probably going too far but it is not like the girl in this story is some kind of innocent little thing.

  9. I always wondered about teary blow jobs.. thanks for clearing things up.

    @OP I don't see what you being has anything to do with the story.

  10. I literally have no idea how to feel about this story. Truly an awful date on both sides. Yikes.

  11. Hey there, OP here. Just wanted to say that I've always considered myself at least a little bit of a bad person for this date. Also, the name of this date was originally "The Only Bad Date That Ends With A Blowjob." I guess the current title's a bit more PC.

  12. You mean you can get a blowjob from a girl who's NOT crying?? I should try that sometimes.

  13. OP, you are not a bad person. She was a nut and a slut. You were just doing your best with what had to be a horribly awkward time. The fact that you even worry about it proves that you're a good guy.

  14. you know, if you would have just stuck it out with this girl a little longer on the date she might have gobbled your goo.

    oh wait, you did and she did.

    dating WIN!

  15. Jesus Christ, people. She offered, he consented, she sucked him off. That doesn't make him a scumbag. He didn't force himself on her in any way, and just because she's messed up, that doesn't mean she's suddenly incapable of making her own decisions. I'm not saying that the dude made the best possible judgment call here, but some of these comments make him out to be some kind of a rapist. Clearly, this was not the case.

  16. "the blowjob is not better if there's tears running down your shaft."

    This story had me in tears after reading it I laughed so hard, Screw KY tears are a natural Lube ......hahahaha ..... thank you for the story sir.

  17. Consent does not equate to a clean conscience. All of you defending him should be chemically castrated for the sake of humanity. It boggles my mind how anyone not in a fraternity could possibly read that story and NOT be absolutely disgusted/horrified with the lasciviousness of the author. Everyone has weak moments, but you should be able to acknowledge them as such and grow stronger from them in the future. The OP seems to have done this, but I'm shocked by how many others find the behavior he exhibited to be just fine and dandy.

  18. So essentially, you're saying that a woman who's extremely emotional and/or distraught shouldn't be allowed to have sex?

    Like I said, I'm not pretending it was the best possible judgment call the guy could've made, but from what we've been told, she did what she did out of her own free will, not because he made her. Maybe she regrets it now, but maybe she doesn't. Seriously, this madonna/whore bullshit is pretty weak. What, she doesn't have the right to her own feelings and desires? Who are you to judge her? It's not as if he allowed her to throw her life away or do some kind of irrevocable damage to herself. It's just a blowjob -- not meaningless, but not exactly a life-changing event, either.

  19. this shit is so funny!!!!!!! Congrats on the BJ!!!!!! Yess!!

  20. 4:43 chill the fuck out and go to another forum where the trolls won't offend your delicate sensibilities so much. Yes, he made a bad decision. He admits it was a bad decision. He's obviously grown from it. The people on here who are internet-high-fiving him over getting head on a truly terrible date are bad people, yes, but...*GASP* MAYBE THEY'RE JOKING. Maybe they don't mean what they say! Maybe they're JUST BEING TROLLS. Saying awful shit to get a rise out of sensitive pansies like you is what being a troll is all about. Should they be chemically castrated? Yeah...if you're gonna be a fascist dick about it.

    Now, grab that bunch o'panties outta your ass crack and get a sense of humor. This will not be the first nice-ish guy to get a bj from some fucked up girl, nor will he be the last.

  21. Love the feminista comments on this and the "Curtain Call" one.

  22. Wow! A sad story. I am lost for words.

  23. The saddest part of this is that perhaps, if you'd met at a different time, you two could have been great together.

  24. ^ Yeah, it could have been his baby she aborted.

  25. Anon 8:53: That was about the greatest bit of unintentional irony I've read. Thanks for the laugh.

  26. Lol, 12:41!

  27. I love the trolls. Thank you mister 8:53

  28. Well, if I were in that situation, I would have had the presence of mind to say no to the blow job. Then again, I don't blame the OP. Us fat guys are typically starved for attention.

    Yeah, she probably regretted it, but it's not like he raped her or anything. I feel he was a bit of a douche for not contacting her and saying he wanted to start over. Yeah, of course she was probably way out of his league, and she probably would have said no and that would have hurt, but it's rare to find a good relationship that isn't entered into with a clear conscience. Or maybe it wouldn't have hurt, maybe I'm just saying that because I'm fat. Fat bitch!

  29. OP...shouldn't have said yes. I hope you feel guilty.


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