The 'Ol Swimmin' Hole

Submitted by Stan:

Patty and I were on our first date, sitting on a bench by a pond in a park, when she turned to me and said, "I bet I can run faster than you."

I told her that I'd see that bet, and we ran to the other side of the pond.  She beat me.  It's all good.  I teased her with, "I'll bet that's the only thing you can do better, though."

She said, "Name something, then.  Bet you're wrong."

I pointed to the pond.  "Bet you can't swim across it faster."

She didn't say anything, but she took off her shirt and pants.  Sweet.  I was too busy staring and she pointed at me and said, "You going to swim across like that?"

I took my own clothes off, too, and we went down to the shore.  "Go!" she yelled, and in we swam.  Holy god that water was cold.  And I kept touching something slimy.  It didn't bother me much, but I realized that I should've thought things through before trying something like this.

We made it to the other side, and yes, she may have beaten me, but in one way, I had her beat.  My underwear was still on.  She just had her bra.  "Shit," she said, "What am I supposed to do?"

I joked, "Something makeshift out of leaves?"

She said, "No.  What if we grab poison ivy?  Can you go back and grab my stuff?  I'll hide out here."

Okay.  Fine.  I made it back to where we had made it into the water, grabbed our clothes, and went back to where she was supposed to have been waiting.  She wasn't there.

"Patty?  Patty?" I called for her, but she must have been hiding super-well.  I felt weird just leaving her clothes there, but after waiting there for close to an hour and calling around, I had almost decided to head out.

Then she showed up.  "Where were you?" I asked her.

"Hiding.  Like I said I'd be.  Where the hell have you been?"

She grabbed her stuff, just as another couple was coming down the path.  I threw myself in front of her, to shield her nakedness.  The other couple stopped and stared.  It must have looked pretty bad, since the guy said, "Are you okay?" to Patty.

Patty replied, "Yes, I'm fine!  I just have to get dressed!"  They moved on, Patty put her clothes back on, and she said that the afternoon was over and that she wanted to go home.  It was cool seeing her without clothes, all right, but I'm not sure why she didn't want to go to dinner or plan a second date.  I thought that the whole thing was funny.  In my defense, I came right back to where I had agreed to meet her with her clothes.  Oh well.  Nude women, huh?


  1. Cool story, bro.

    OP is a douche.

  2. Yeah, he is, but his date can only blame herself for the experience.

  3. I'd love to hear this story from the lady date's perspective.

    Why didn't she come out of hiding though, when she heard him calling her name? Or if she didn't want to be seen full naked, why not make a noise or something and let him know where she was?

  4. Nikki, don't be so damn rational...

    From the story, the guy seems rather down to earth, not whiny or a jerk or anything...he was having fun and he was trying to be helpful...she was just, well, weird with the whole hiding thing...

  5. Doesn't anyone wonder how she lost her undies? Did a pond monster grab them off of her when she was swimming? Women's panties don't just fall off.

  6. It's because she saw your shrinkage dude. Same thing happened to my boy Costanza. They don't understand that it shrinks.

  7. Sorry, Jonathan. I forgot that rationality has no place on abadcaseofthedates.com. ;P

    ...Good point, 12:06. I had glossed over that point upon the initial reading, assuming she was totally naked, but yeah, she still had just her bra on. Who takes off her underpants and not her bra?

  8. ^ someone who's ready to get down to business.

  9. Not saying how the OP is a douche here, care to explain?

  10. I don't think you did anything wrong, nothing in this story, anyway. Maybe she just didn't feel any chemistry, it happens. (The whole thing feels kind of playful and would have made a nice story to tell the grandkids :D ).

  11. N, eww. Nobody wants to hear about their grandparents getting naked and swimming in a slimy pond. Have you tried picturing your grandparents doing that?

  12. I imagine the girl was thoroughly em-bare-assed and chose not to deal with the awkwardness of seeing this guy again no matter if she may have liked him.

  13. You played a suck game of hide-and-seek, she wanted to be "tagged"

  14. Who can blame her for being upset, she soaked the scabs off for you and you didn't even lick it for her.

  15. That's really unnecessary, 6:26, even for this forum.

  16. That is from an ancient joke, see this girl and guy are on the beach fooling around, he slips his hand into her panties and it feels all rough. She tells him to hold on a moment, while she plays in the ocean, the next time he slips his hand in, it is all soft and slick, he asks "what the heck is this?" she says "I soaked the scabs off for you".

  17. One-upmanship and negation don't make for good dates. Or good relationships.


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