Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Go Crazy on Me

Submitted by Ryan:

When I was in college, I was working at the local Go-Kart track until I could find something permanent.  One day, I rolled my ankle and spent the next three weeks on crutches.  This drew the attention of Samantha, a gorgeous blond in my accounting class.  We flirted and would pass notes in class and finally decided to meet up for drinks and karaoke.

When I arrived at the Mexican restaurant, Samantha was already there with a group of guys, who I found out were all guys she had dated in previous weeks.

Things got awkward fast so I walked to another part of the restaurant and was later joined by my "date."  She slammed drink after drink and became more and more inebriated.

As the evening progressed she started making out with me, sucking on my fingers, and running her hands up my shirt.  I thought things were going well, but felt bad as I wasn't drinking that night.

Shortly into one of these intense sloppy make-outs, her flavor of the previous week decided it would be a good idea to shove me into the wall to try and start a fight.  I laughed at him and was saved by Samantha, who told him that I was taking her home.

We got into the car and the entire drive consisted of her sucking on my fingers and rubbing on my leg. Once I got her home, she asked me to walk her in.

As we got to the front door, she turned around and kissed me.  Then, she pushed me away, slapped me, and called me a pervert for trying to force her into something she didn't want to do.  She went inside and slammed the door shut.

Um, okay?  What the hell just happened?

The next time we had class, she sent me text messages consisting of "Are you ok?" "Why aren't you sitting with me?" "I thought we had a great time... when can we do it again?"

I ignored the messages but finally fielded a call from her in which she chewed me out for not responding to her and for being a huge asshole just like every other guy at the school. 

Apparently, she doesn't understand that being a schizophrenic basketcase tends to make guys come across as assholes.


  1. Aw this sucks, I'm the first. Much rather prefer readin other people's comments. Think this one's pretty straight forward, but then again someone always goes of on a wierd tangent. Anyways the ending was pretty funny, seems like she's just one of "those" girls, I've been there. Hi sis, how's South Korea, everything's fine back home, Namibia's the same as usual. Starting classes next week, all the best.

  2. ...What's up with the last two sentences of the above comment?

  3. South Korea's awesome. I met this really fun girl and we have hours of screaming sex. I hope you don't mind that I've borrowed a few of your things... but you're in Namibia and I figured that you wouldn't need them. Don't worry, I'll clean them once we're done with them. Love to Mr. Wrinkles, the goldfish. Miss you.

  4. Maybe the Anonymous is trying to prove that schizophrenics make EVERYTHING awkward for everyone?

    OP: Maybe she didn't remember flipping out on you on her front porch? If she was as tanked as you make her seem, then she probably blacked out and didn't make the connection between you ignoring her after the date with something she might have said or done. It would have been easier (and nicer) if you had just told her why you were freaked out and maybe given her a chance to redeem herself. Otherwise, she'll never learn.

  5. 'maybe given her a chance to redeem herself. Otherwise, she'll never learn.'

    A chance for what? Does he want a second chance to be up on sexual assault or rape charges on somebody who was all over him? I don't think so. He dodged a bullet and he needs to RUN from her and never speak to her again.

  6. Honestly she was prolly wasted, you shoulda taken her up on the offer and hit that man. Just saying.

  7. I call shenanigans. You can't drive while someone is sucking your fingers.

  8. exactly Nikki

    though it sounds like she makes a regular thing of it, then blames other people for anything she does while drunk, which is pretty close to the definition of an alcoholic.

  9. Believe it or not, there was another guy in our class who approached me after the final and asked about why we looked so cozy at one point, and then distant the next. He laughed about it and said something similar happened to him, except he was hammered too and wound up having to sleep in his car at the pool parking lot in her neighborhood until he was sober enough to drive. He said she had him down to his boxers with some "heavy petting" going on too and she just went flip mode on him. Luckily he thought it was funny... unlike jocko at the bar who decided to roid rage at that moment.

    I can happily say that I wasn't buying her drinks... those were on her own tab!

    I wouldn't have let this looney toon get a second chance if lawyers provided agreed consent forms.


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