An Arresting Affair

Submitted by Cynthia:

Ralph and I had our first date at an Italian restaurant.  It was a nice place that I had always passed by but never tried.

The waitress took our orders without fuss, and everything was fine until a big, grey-haired guy with a big, angry frown stormed over to our table.

He pointed at Ralph and said, "I thought I told you never to come back here, boy."

Ralph glanced at me and said, "You must have me mistaken for someone else."

"I remember you, Ralph.  You think my memory's shit?  Three years may as well have been three days ago, or three minutes.  I want you out."  The guy glanced at me.  "I'm doing this girl a favor."

"What's going on?" I broke in.

Ralph stood up,threw his napkin on the table, and said, "Come on, Cynthia.  This place just lost itself a customer."

As we walked out, the guy called after us, "You're no customer, Ralph.  You're trash!"

Ralph turned back, walked past me, and got right in the guy's face.  He said something I didn't hear, and then someone shoved someone else, and then the next thing I knew, they were on the floor, swinging and kicking at each other.

Someone yelled, "Call the cops!" and someone must have, since a police car was there in less than a minute.

Ralph was arrested, and the angry guy and I had to give statements to the police.  I have no idea what Ralph did three years ago to upset the guy (who I'm guessing was the manager/owner), and at this point, I don't want to know.  All I know is that my first and last date with Ralph was a truly arresting experience.


  1. ya not buyingit. Also if someone called me "boy" wed already be at blows.

  2. @ Anon 11:23AM

    Not buying it? What are you, a walking lie detector, or Ralphs' 14-yr old brother?

  3. I don't know why everyone calls bullshit on things that could, conceivably, happen in real life? I mean, just because *I* never went on a date that ended up with the guy getting arrested doesn't mean it doesn't happen to white trash and ghetto trash throughout the United States every day.

    My only problem with the story (other than the mystery of Ralph's previous transgression never being solved) is the CHEESETASTIC (and not in a good way) final line. Whomp whomp.

  4. "we don't partake to your kind 'round here, boy."
    "oh, whys that, chief?"
    "I don't like your tone, hoss."
    "well there ain't much I can do about that, bud."
    "you can see yourself out, before I punch you out, son."

    i agree with anon 11:23 that I'd be at blows for being called 'boy'

  5. cops were there in less than a minute? no fucking way.
    nikki, why "white trash", "ghetto trash", perfectly innocent civilians are arrested every single day. an arrest is not a conviction,"sweetie". i bet you are one of those who do not see a purpose in holding a trial. hell, if an officer said you did it, then it must be true?

  6. I'm actually not a huge fan of cops. I'm from Baltimore, where anyone can get arrested for anything because the police have a quota that needs to be filled at the end of the day. However, considering Baltimore contains mostly "white trash" and "ghetto trash" with a few other types of people to fill in the gaps...it's a pretty valid statement around here.

  7. And "sweetie"? Are you trying to do a "girl" version of "boy"? Because it's just as insulting.

  8. same here, nikki. only if the person is not a baptist, then they are considered trash. anyone who does not hold your values is pretty much worthless and should be locked away?

  9. Not all people who get arrested are trash of some kind or another, and not all trash gets arrested, true. You can twist my words all you'd like until they fit your ideas about who I am, but I am allowed to be classist about some things.

  10. Actually, this happened to me once... It unfolded almost identically (save for the dialogue, that all happened too quick and was mostly meaningless curse words anyway).

    He thought he looked "badass" but it just came off as pathetic. I think he's dating some young schoolgirl now though, so I guess the "scrawny trashy asshole" bit is a huge hit in the suburbs.


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