They Only Come Out at Night

Submitted by Cooper:

I was on a dating site really late one night when Maggie messaged me. She seemed cool and after we spoke for a couple of hours, she asked me if I wanted to meet up that night. This was around midnight.

I picked her up and she directed me to a park just outside of town, one with some old, abandoned buildings. I followed her out of the car and we sat down in a field.

I was hesitant to try anything, as she didn't send me any signals and I had just learned of her existence on a dating site not three hours prior.

She was in the middle of asking me if I liked the Three Stooges when she let out a wet, creamy fart that can only be described as biblical.

She went right on talking, but all I could think was, "Holy fuck, this girl must've just blown out half of her innards."

I couldn't concentrate on anything else she said, although she mentioned that she was in court-ordered therapy for some sort of indecent exposure to her family.

I dropped her back off at her house, said goodnight, and that ended the weirdest date of my life.