They Only Come Out at Night

Submitted by Cooper:

I was on a dating site really late one night when Maggie messaged me. She seemed cool and after we spoke for a couple of hours, she asked me if I wanted to meet up that night. This was around midnight.

I picked her up and she directed me to a park just outside of town, one with some old, abandoned buildings. I followed her out of the car and we sat down in a field.

I was hesitant to try anything, as she didn't send me any signals and I had just learned of her existence on a dating site not three hours prior.

She was in the middle of asking me if I liked the Three Stooges when she let out a wet, creamy fart that can only be described as biblical.

She went right on talking, but all I could think was, "Holy fuck, this girl must've just blown out half of her innards."

I couldn't concentrate on anything else she said, although she mentioned that she was in court-ordered therapy for some sort of indecent exposure to her family.

I dropped her back off at her house, said goodnight, and that ended the weirdest date of my life.


  1. hilarious!

    love the usage of "biblical" LOL

  2. lol @ "creamy"

  3. You wouldn't happen to still have her number, would you???

  4. She was lubing herself up for you to use the 'construction workers' entrance

  5. LOL!!! Maybe she should meet my husband. Together, they could make music of "biblical" proportions :P

  6. *creamy*
    so descriptive. yuck!

  7. A creamy fart? Sounds delicious. Actually, it it horrible that I am now craving some sort of creamy tart dessert? Ah, well.

  8. You're awfully picky for a guy who'll go out into a field in the middle of the night with a stranger.

  9. her family turned her in for indecent exposure? wow. what a weirdo!

  10. Two people, one field.

  11. So...10 pm is "really late" for you?

  12. LOL! OMG! That is just too gross. I like the biblical reference too, lol. My boyfriend could out-fart her though I'm willing to bed. His hang in the air too like some frightful entity. I'm surprised he doesn't name them like they're his children, lol. So nasty!


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