The Line in the Sand

Submitted by Dave:

Carly and I had agreed to go Dutch on everything for our first date.  It was her idea, and it sounded fine to me, although I was used to paying for most things on a first date.

When the check came for dinner, she didn't reach for her purse, even after I had put down my share of the bill.  "Are you still going to split this with me?" I asked her.

She said, "No.  I changed my mind," and smiled at me.

I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, and luckily, I had enough to cover both of us.  I would have had no problem covering both of us from the beginning, but I didn't like being tricked into paying.  It felt manipulative, and it bothered me for the rest of the date.

We were on our way to hear a local band play when I asked her if we were going to split the tickets.  She again said, "No.  You can handle it."

I then told her that I didn't want to go to the concert anymore, since I felt as if she was taking advantage of me.  She started yelling and asking me what my problem was.  I told her that she was my problem and I decided to leave the date, then and there.

She then followed me, asking me if the weeks of e-mails and phone calls meant nothing to me.  Didn't I still like her?

"No.  I changed my mind," I told her, and left her there. 


  1. If I learned anything in my dating days...it is this: Kids, take notes.

    ALWAYS start off small on first dates...meet for coffee; a light lunch or a drink somewhere...

    Don't invest too much time, money or effort on somebody you aren't even sure about.

    I would tell the girls ahead of time that we'd meet for about an hour...so they were aware of what to expect.

    If the dates sucks...leave...you did your time. No harm, no foul.
    if the date i's going well, you can always let it continue and she'll know you are inter her because the hour is not 2, 3 or 4.

    Try it and you're welcome.

  2. I suspect a whopper here - it's just too perfect of a revenge fantasy.

    If it's for real, I suspect that the writer said some idiotic thing to his date before the check arrived, and she was paying him back.

  3. @1.46pm If the date didn't like what he was saying shouldn't she pay for her half all the more so? If she felt that she wanted rid of him why did she then want to go to a concert?

    I think the guy who wrote this was stupid, he should have said: "I hope you are still planning on going dutch because I only have money for my share." If she doesn't like it then she shouldn't have suggested she be a grown up and pay for herself in the first place.

  4. A girl wanting to go dutch is either a neolesbian manhater or just "wants to be friends."

    When she asked you to pay, that was her way of saying "You know what, I like you as more than friends, so I'm changing the rules. You pay for me, then we'll get on to some physical stuff, maybe more..."

    In a nutshell, your an idiot and she's lucky that you didn't catch on. Maybe you'd have gone and gotten yourself laid or something. Moron.

    PLUS if you are so fucking used to "paying for everything on a first date" then what would the big deal be changing your mind if things weren't going all that bad??

    Count on it that some gentleman somewhere is getting his knob polished by your ex-date, because he can think on the fly.

    Enjoy your hand.

  5. 10:24, I really hope you're not serious.

  6. 10:24 I agree with 10:44. Any girl that indicates she likes a man by 'allowing' him to pay is a whore. Plain and simple.

    If a man has to pay to demonstrate his affection and then she will 'perform' accordingly then she's earning her living.

    Anyone that thinks this is not the case is fooling themselves. Just because she is not standing on the street bluntly selling it doesn't make her any less of a whore.

    Ok, Stepping off my soap box now.

  7. Yeah, as a woman 10:24 is an idiot. I always offer to pay, regardless of how much I like a guy. I could hate him the second I see him and I'd still offer to pay. I could want to bang him then and there and I'd still offer to pay. I don't give people sexual favors for buying me some Applebee's.

  8. Sorry, I gotta agree with 10:24. "Changing her mind" was definitely coming around to liking the guy. Going dutch is the no obligation route. As a man, you should have figured out that interested women want you to pay for them - it goes back to the primal instinct of wanting a good provider.

    Of course, without being there and seeing her attitude, the whole situation, etc., it's hard to say for sure. Still, my gut says 10:24 is onto something - it was my first thought too.

  9. It's generally recognized that going dutch is an attempt to keep things friendly rather than romantic. It keeps any sense of obligation from straining the developing relationship. But it's bad form to agree to split the check, and then change your mind and insist that your partner pay. If it was going to end badly anyway, the author should have just paid his own share and bailed.

  10. 5:04, I really don't understand why you think a woman would want to infringe a financial obligation onto a man because she likes him. If I like someone, I wouldn't want them to have to pay for me.
    Seriously? You believe in OH I LIKE THIS GUY I'LL USE HIS WALLET DURR?
    Because that's an incredibly selfish and solipsistic way to show "affection," showing far more interest in the self than the other party.

    When I go out with my girlfriend we usually go dutch, and if one of us is surprising or doing something special THE ONE DOING THE SPECIAL TREATMENT PAYS. That's what someone who cares about someone else does, not the other way around.

  11. Because, Roko, women are manipulative. Being a lesbigay, you should know this / be used to this by now. By making him pay for her food, she is already starting the manipulation process. She pressures the other person into paying for the food on the first date. Next thing you know, he's buying his trophy wife jewelry just so that he can have sex with her from time to time. He wonders why she won't get pregnant, but she never tells him about the Plan B / Vodka cocktails she makes for herself while she sits at home wallowing in her (lack of) self-worth, and he works to support her. Later, it's 'swooosh'... Baby go flush!


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