I'll Need a Coat of Primer After This One

Submitted by Beth:

Nick and I chatted online before we met in person.  He told me that he worked around luxury homes, but he seemed really vague about what exactly it was that he did with them.

He said something to the effect of, "You know, I hang around them, check them out, you know."

I asked, "So you're a burglar?"

"Nah.  I work on them.  Construction, but not really contracting..."

Hmm.  He said that he had access to one such home and asked if I wanted to see it before heading out for dinner, a movie, etc.  I told him that it sounded unusual, so I would be game.

I met him at the place, a really nice address in a great part of town.  I knocked on the door, and he greeted in painter's attire.  That's it.  The big mystery.  He was a house painter.  And he wasn't at all ready to go anywhere.

He took me through the rooms and introduced me to his fellow painters.  A whole team of them were working on this one mansion.

"You could've just told me that you're a house painter," I said.

He said, "Well, I am the boss."

Whoops, another lie.  I met "the boss" a few minutes later. It turns out, Nick had scheduled our date right in the middle of his shift!  He introduced me to his boss, saying, "Hey.  My girlfriend's here.  Can I scatter?"

His boss, who I think was younger than Nick was, said, "No.  Your shift just started an hour ago.  You get a half-hour in a bit."

I told Nick that I should probably just go, but Nick seemed adamant about giving me a tour, showing me the paint he used, telling me how hard it was to reach certain areas of the ceiling, and so on.

Towards the end of the tour, he asked me if I could hang around the neighborhood for a few hours to wait for him to go on break.  This neighborhood was strictly residential and didn't have anywhere to "hang around."

I told him that he should schedule something with me for one of his days off, but to be honest, I wasn't into him at all anymore, and I'm glad that he never contacted me.


  1. On his break, he wanted to cover you in a fresh coat of glossy.

  2. That's weird that he lied about being the boss, who you met minutes later, AND he had just started his shift. Was this the only day you were available to go out and so he tried to cram it in his schedule? Insanity.

    Good thing you never tried to hang out again--he'd probably make all kinds of excuses for all kinds of stuff.

  3. You didnt have a problem with him calling you his girlfriend on the first date??? I would have been running fast if anyone did that to me.

  4. 6:55 is my new hero.
    It goes in the catagory of "Hi, I'm unemployed and currently have a girlfriend, would you like to go out?"


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