Tour of the Damned

Submitted by Marie:

I live near a historical district so when Mark and I started talking and he told me that he was a part-time tour guide in the area, I took him up on his offer of a tour-date.

The first warning bell rang when he suggested that we meet up for the tour after nightfall.  I thought that by night, it would make seeing certain sights a bit difficult, but he assured me that it would be fine.

He led me to a road bordering on a small forest.  He pulled out a flashlight and stood next to me.  "See that wall, off in the woods?  That used to be an old mill."

I asked him for more details, but he just said, "It was just an old mill."

Then he led me further down the road and shined the flashlight again into the trees.  He asked me if I saw a bare patch in the woods, about fifty feet off.  I didn't really, but I told him that I did.

He said, "That's where an old house stood, but it's gone, now."

No shit, Sherlock.  When did I sign up for the Captain Obvious tour?

Finally, he led me up a hill, where there was a little old well.  He said, "This well used to be a community well, but no one gets their water from here anymore."

I asked him, "When was it used as a community well?"

He replied, "I don't know.  Early 1700s, probably.  Come here," and leaned in for a kiss.

I stepped away.  He said, "I just gave you a tour.  I think that you ought to have something to show for it."

He came closer and I said, "How about after dinner?  It's cold out."

He seemed to accept this and led me off the hill.  On our way to dinner, I was able to text my friend, Sarah, my location and asked her for assistance.

Sure enough, during dinner, Sarah came by, acting as if she was coincidentally at the restaurant.  I invited her to pull up a chair to our table, and although I could tell that Mark was really annoyed, she stayed with us and I ended up leaving with her.

If anyone is ever vacationing in south Jersey (all none of you) then don't take a tour with this guy.


  1. You sound like the bad date, not him.

  2. Eh, I wouldn't go that far, weeder. She was uncomfortable on the date and contacted a friend who could help her out. I'm sure that there were smoother ways to make an exit, but better this story than another one of the "and then he almost raped me in an unfamiliar house, miles away from civilization or cell phone service" stories we used to get.

    This sounds like a bad case of the dude misrepresenting himself as a tour guide.

  3. So some guy made a bad attempt at an original date idea. Then you, instead of politely eating dinner (or - imagine! - not suggesting dinner when you wanted to end the date), decided to go full-on bitch and have your friend join you. Not only that, but you felt that his transgressions were so egregious that everyone here would agree with you. Classy.

  4. Sounds like a Jersey guy.

  5. Whoa. So that one date I had where the girl's friend stopped by "coincidentally" to sit in on our dinner was a sign the date was going badly? Another sign that the date ended up not working out to add to my notebook. Tricky!

  6. What a rapey date. Why would you follow someone you hardly know into the dark woods? Forget rapist, this guy sounds like a frakkin' murderer.

  7. Admiral Ackbar12/23/2009 7:21 PM

    Come on. Do I even have to say it?

  8. Something rings false. How did you text a long message to your girlfriend without him noticing? He would've snatched the phone from your hand to read it and yell, "That was a BIG MISTAKE!"

  9. Anon 11:48

    What? Now I don't know about you, but most people have respect for peoples' private property and private conversations and would not just snatch a phone from someone else's hand while they were texting. I've sent plenty of long texts while with company and guess what? NO ONE DID ANYTHING LIKE THAT, or even cared.

  10. Dude he might have been mildly rapey but if you were that uncomfortable you shouldn't have suggested dinner.
    And that's a really terrible way to end it. If you're gonna have a friend assist you, fake needing to see someone in the emergency room or something instead of making yourself look like a rude bitch either way.

  11. Well, it seems like all of the readers of this blog have found a new common hobby..

    That said, since when is rapey a word? I never got that memo.

  12. 9:31 you are not in the loop, sorry.

  13. @9:31--Come on, dude (or "duderina"), this blog pretty much has existed from the get-go as a means for people to rip into either the dates or the OPs and feel better about ourselves in return.

    What I'm noticing as new are the people constantly calling "bullshit" on almost all the stories, kinda like how people on photoblogs call "PHOTOSHOP" instead of "firsties" these days.

  14. hahahaha mom got rapey wit the milkman, dad turned teh gayz on the newspaperboy.

  15. lolz n sista wuz carpetmunchin da teachazzzz

  16. I think you did the right thing. He lied and told you he was a tour guide. I probably wouldnt have followed him that far into the woods but at least you were smart enough to let your friend know. Although once i got to the restaurant i would have felt a lot safer being in public and wouldnt have had my friend sit there but maybe just pick you up afterwards. but way to be smart though. there are so many women who dont think defensively (which unfortunately we have to be this day and age) and get raped or worse.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.