The Staring Horror

Submitted by Eric:

Valerie showed up to our date with a dozen red roses.  She said that she didn't like being bound by gender roles and that she wanted to do something nice for me.  I could have considered it impossibly forward, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe she was just nervous, or this was something nice that she really wanted to do.

Of course, it would have been easier to accept either of the two latter explanations if Valerie ever deigned to blink.  The girl's eyes hardly broke eye contact with mine for a moment, and they were wide and brown and unblinking.

Imagine eating dinner with the last person in the world who you'd want to have staring through your open window while you were engaged in sexual acts illegal in all 50 states (and Puerto Rico).  That's what this felt like.

"You don't have to keep looking at me," I said, after enduring a minute's uncomfortable silence the way a toddler would carry a sack of 200 bricks.

"Oh!  Sorry," she turned away, thenceforth avoiding eye contact with me for the rest of dinner... except for those times when I looked up at her and she glanced away quickly, as if I had caught her in a forbidden act.

She also didn't tell me much about herself, preferring to reflect all queries.  I'd say, "Do you like your job?"

She'd say, "I'm more interested in what you do."

So intent she was to deflect all inquiries that despite my best efforts, I ended up knowing next to nothing about her by the end of dinner.

We left the restaurant and she grabbed my hand tightly.  She brought our hands to her mouth, kissed them, and said, "This is beautiful."

I squeezed her hand reassuringly.  She squeezed tighter.  I said, "I appreciate it, but I think that we may be moving a bit fast.  It's only a first date."

She stared at me.  I couldn't take it.

"And please stop staring!" I said, "It's driving me nuts."

"I'm not staring."

"Yes you are.  You've been staring at me almost all night."

She stared at me.  "You're picking a fight with me over staring?"

"I'm not picking a fight.  I'm–"

She released my hand.  "Give me the roses back.  You're insane."

"No.  You gave them to me."

"I want them back."


She stared.  This time, I stared back.  She blinked.  I smiled.

"I win," I said, and walked away, roses in hand.

She sent me about a dozen texts that night and into the morning, each one about ten sentences, going on about how she had been hurt, how she wanted something precious, etc.  It was sad and ironic that I learned more about her after deciding not to see her anymore than I did on the date itself.


  1. I'm going to be the first of many people who say this to you, but...

    You were a huge douchebag on this date. Yes, staring can be creepy, but I doubt she went into this date determined not to blink. And she probably read in some lame women's magazine that guys like to talk about themselves, so always ask the guy questions and let him answer. As for the hands-kissing, yes, maybe it was a little intense for you, but we've already determined on this forum that there's never really a good way to figure out when on a date is a good time for kissing.

    But to flip your shit on her over something like blinking and then to refuse to give back the flowers she gave you, and THEN! to get into a childish staring contest with her and declare yourself the winner when she "finally" blinked?

    I'm glad that she was able to dodge the bullet of having to date you for an extended period of time.

  2. you suck dude. YOU are the failure and I hope she writes about her horrible date with YOU. jesus. How do people write terrible stories about themselves and it never dawns o.n them "wow, people might think im a douche for this"?

  3. Agreed that calling her on the staring was a bit much, but I'm on the op's side about the flowers. They were a gift. Period. Regarding the staring contest, he probably was done with her and wanted to have a bit of fun, although there was certainly a more mature way to end things.

    Ultimately, different bullets were dodged on both sides.

  4. Gosh. I guess you'll have your super-cool writing to keep you warm on these long winter nights. Your English skills are so neat-o, who could compete with them?

  5. thank god someone already noted your impressive use of the english language. you definitely have a gift for the awkward metaphor.

  6. I think its cute that you fought for the roses, but thats from my reality tv pov. you were rude and kind of douchey on your date.

  7. I don't think the OP is entirely evil here. Geeez. How many of you would react well to creepy staring? I for one would have been really unnerved by someone like that.

  8. "Imagine eating dinner with the last person in the world who you'd want to have staring through your open window while you were engaged in sexual acts illegal in all 50 states (and Puerto Rico). That's what this felt like."

    I don't know what this means. I've read it like 10 times and I still can't make sense of it. I mean, I know what each word means and I know what it's saying, but this is the worst metaphor I have ever seen. I think the last person in the world I would want staring at me through a window doing the nasty would probably be my mother, followed by my boyfriend's mother, then anybody else I'm related to, THEN probably anybody I work with...the list goes on. I imagine somebody I just met would rank RIGHT above a total stranger. I would rather a total stranger see me have raunchy sex, I think, because they don't know me and wouldn't be thinking about what they saw everytime we interacted.

    Moving on, if the date was so bad, the right thing to do would be to just give the roses back and run away. That's what any sane person would do.

  9. How is giving someone flowers on a first date being "impossibly forward"?

  10. The OP was acting like a douche. The girl has stage 10 clinger written all over her. The OP should have gracefully went though with the date then called her the next day to say that he felt no chemistry.

  11. I thought the "child carrying 200 bricks" metaphor was even worse. Maybe I just don't get the OP's style, or I don't find it funny. I find it way over the top. The date wasn't THAT bad. Jeez, settle down, Beavis.

  12. The girl gave some bad signs but nothing to warrent the ungentlemanly conduct. Bad form sir.

  13. Your writing is bad and you should feel bad.

  14. +1 "ungentlemanly conduct"

    I'm going out on a limb, bare with me, but it's quite possible that this dude was not fondly attracted to this girl. It is definately not considered "staring" when on a date becuase as a guy I would like to think all men would prefer their dates to look at them.

    Well it is apparent that the girl was trying too hard. She has low self esteem due to her recent breakup.

  15. He's just trying out his bad writing skills on any forum. I don't believe this happened.

  16. This guy is about as articulate as Obama, and he makes about as much sense.

  17. 10:54: That is the most asinine segue ever.

  18. "Imagine eating dinner with the last person in the world who you'd want to have staring through your open window while you were engaged in sexual acts illegal in all 50 states (and Puerto Rico)."

    Why would I be eating dinner with Chris Hansen?

  19. Go ahead and have a seat right there...

  20. Why didn't you give her back the flowers?

  21. Woah, 3:14AM (????), chill a little. I would not like someone staring at me on a date. That is weird. He may have overreacted a bit with the flowers thing but her staring problem was strange. Judgemental much?

  22. LOL @ 3:14 he got "teh gaze"

  23. Santa's Helper12/25/2009 8:52 PM

    Ahahaha! Win, anon6:50!!

  24. 3:14 needs to lay off the alcohol.

  25. you should have stayed with her and tried to learn more about her

  26. What color were her eyes that devasted you so much???

  27. If OP Paid for the Dinner then he should of said 'Well I paid for dinner so i want my money back'... But yeah even though he was kinda jerkish you can't blame him. She was being weird, lol... JK but honestly i'm starting to think the same person is writing all these stories.. Are they like made up? All the stories are not only written in perfict grammar/spelling but the people summiting the stories all talk smart and stuff lol if that makes sense..

  28. ^Jared, site owner and moderator, edits all the user-submitted stories so they they have that "perfict" spelling and grammar, and I assume more when they need it. It's probably his personality you see coming through, and that's why a lot of them have a similar tone.


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