Fork Off

Submitted by Nick:

I met Vicki on a train, on my way home from work. We were random commuters, sitting next to each other, but I struck up a conversation with her and she gave me her number. We had a lot to talk about, and it seemed promising.

She showed up twenty minutes late to our first date, at a restaurant, and didn't even apologize. That's a tough faux pas to overcome, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

She sat down and picked up a fork and said, "Ooh! Shiny!"

Just kidding around, I asked her, "Have you never seen a fork before?"

She threw the fork at my chest, really hard.  And it really, really hurt.

"What the hell?" I demanded, probably louder than I should have, but really, what the hell?

She shrank back into her seat and murmured, "Sorry.  It was just a joke."

"It's violent!  What were you thinking?"

She started to cry and wail, and several diners stared at us.  I slipped into damage control mode and planned to lean close to her, ask her to stop crying, and try and make things better.

Then, I remembered: bitch just threw a fork at me.  Hard.  Really hard.

I picked up my coat, said, "This was a bad idea," and left then and there.


  1. "Then, I remembered: bitch just threw a fork at me." Win.

  2. What the fork!

  3. Stick a fork in him, he's done.

  4. Not excusing the fork throw in any way, cause it was over the top, but you probably sounded douchey saying "have you never seen a fork before?". I think she was nervous and just trying for a laugh or she's a simpleton, either way... But still, total overreaction throwing the fork!

  5. Um, it's a fork. Unless she got out of her chair and into a full windup it's not going to "really, really hurt" When it's a knife or Nolan Ryan throwing, then you can complain.

  6. Anon 1:17 You've obviously never had a fork thrown at you with real force...its a metal object with very little surface area (gee kinda like a bullet) It hurts bitch!

  7. agreed 1:17 forks friggin hurt!

  8. Anon 1:17, My little sister threw a fork at me once, it STUCK in the wall behind me. I could imagine it would really hurt.

    Personally I would have found the date inexcusable after having to wait for 20 min. But thats a pet peeve of mine!

  9. Good in a way he left. He doesn't know that as he dates / starts loving / marries her, she is slowly gonna bring out her other cutlery (knife, steak knife, large killer knife, tear-stained accusation knife, do-or-die knife, baby spoon)for the delicious meal of a man's heart with side-helpings of his income. This guy should live alone.

  10. i feel sorry for her.
    she obviously was stupidly nervous.

  11. I hope she caught the cancer.

  12. 1:17 is a geigh. Go drink another protein shake and gel your hair.

  13. haha, Nick you arse. She was obviously nervous. back to basement dwelling for you...


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