By "I Own a Boat," I Mean, "I Don't Own a Boat."

Submitted by Paula:

Adam picked me up for our date, and had apparently contracted a taxi cab for the night, as he said that his car was in for repairs.  The cabbie's name, according to the information in the back of the taxi, was Asif.  Adam was sure to point that out.

"As if!" he said in an Alicia-Silverstone-from-Clueless (what's she up to now, by the way?) sort of way.  "As if!"

The cabbie corrected him, "Asif.  It's Asif."

"As if!" Adam continued.  Well, it made me crack a smile, but I didn't think that it was too nice.

At dinner, Adam said that he was trying to make as much money as he could so that he could retire by 35.  He also said that he owned a boat and asked if I wanted to see it after dinner.

I asked him what he did for a living.  He said that he was in business and didn't say anything else, not even when I pried him for more.

After dinner, we went to a marina, where his boat was docked.  There was a fence around it and he said that he forgot the key and that we'd have to hop the fence.

I asked him if he really owned a boat, and he got angry and said, "I'm no fucking liar.  Don't you cop out on me, now."

I hopped the fence along with him and we stole down to the docks.  He jumped into a small boat and tried the door.  It was locked.  I asked him if he forgot his key again and he kicked the door open.

He walked inside but I stayed on the dock.  He called me down to join him, and I asked him if he was planning to take it out on the water.  He said, "Of course not!  It's in the dock!  Get in here!"

I didn't like the idea of breaking into a boat that clearly didn't belong to this guy, so I stayed where I was.  He popped out and said, "I want to do it in my boat, so let's go."

I remained on the dock until I told him that I saw a security guard (which I didn't).  He said, "Get in here, quick!" but I went in the other direction.  He followed me out as I hopped the fence.

Once we were outside of the marina, he said, "Well, you killed that mood."



  1. That was one craptastic date, but you are real lucky that you both didn't get caught. You would have been charged too.

  2. You should have went in the boat with him and you could have met a lot of seamen

  3. LOL, anonymous 2 @ 10:29!!!!

  4. I never thought I'd be on a boooaat

  5. A gold digger paired with a delusional control freak. You were a perfect match!

  6. @Anonymous Male-Trolls on this site:

    A woman is NOT a "gold digger" if she wants to find out what a man does for a living. If she asks what he does, and he replies "business" and won't give any other details, and if she presses him, it's probably because she wants to make sure he's not a pathological liar who lives in his mom's basement or steals other people's yachts. Now, if she dumps him because he doesn't make a certain amount of money, THEN she's a gold digger.

    Please file this away in your mental records and stop being assholes.

  7. @Nikki
    "not even when I pried him for more"

    There is the cue you are missing. Let's take a look at your profile "I date a nerd. I'm an actor/future teacher/current admin."

    You date "a nerd" aka a beta male who makes money for you while you're busy being worthless. Congrats on that.

  8. I bet Nikki would do it on a boat...
    On a boooooat...

  9. Actually, I wouldn't do it on a boat. I get seasick, and I worked for a yacht financing company, so I know that too many people who own boats are rich, worthless assholes. There are exceptions, but apparently, those people didn't need financing.

    And my boyfriend and I make the same amount of money and contribute equally to our relationship/finances, so your assumption about me based on 11 words in a hastily-written profile for an account I only use here was incorrect.

    A person can still pry someone for more information about their job without being a golddigger. It's called "wanting to find out what horrible truth this person is hiding." In her case, she didn't have to pry too hard to find out that her date was a lying sack of shit.

  10. Nikki has no balls, but, she does have a good place to put some.

  11. I own a boat, and its one of the best ways to umm... get a girl to spend quality time with you. :D He was just trying to be a poser,


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