The Life Aquatic with a Conspiracy Theorist

Submitted by Patricia:

Jim was the frontman in a local band and I went out to see his group perform regularly.  He and I would talk, drink, and hang out after his shows.  Finally, he asked me out for a date to an aquarium.

I had a nice time for the first few hours and we bought tickets to see a show about endangered sea animals.  It was very eye-opening and educational, and the guide who ran it knew quite a bit.  He mentioned how governments (including our own) weren't doing enough to protect sea creatures and fragile ocean ecosystems.  Afterward, he took questions from the audience.

I raised my hand and asked a devil's advocate question about how the U.S. government could justify spending on protecting endangered species with a bad economy.  He gave an answer about how protecting the environment would create jobs and lead to the development of new technologies.  Fair enough.

Jim raised his hand.  His question was, "The government hasn't been able to address environmental issues since so many resources are devoted to the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan.  What are your thoughts on the government's orchestration of 9/11?"

If I could have vanished in a second, I would have.  What the hell does a conspiracy theory have to do with an endangered sea animal show at an aquarium?  I couldn't believe that he'd ask something so ludicrous of someone like an aquarium guide.

The guide attempted to parry the question with, "Well, I'm really not qualified to speak on such things."

Jim continued, "But doesn't it make you mad that the billions of defense dollars being poured into two unjust wars could have gone to marine protection?"

The guide said, "With all respect, sir, I doubt very highly that our government would have devoted billions of dollars to marine ecosystems, much less have the ability to orchestrate 9/11."

Jim finished with, "Well, you just said that you weren't qualified to speak about it, so maybe you should just shut the hell up."

The guide said, "Okay, sir," and took another question from someone else.

I was embarrassed to even be seen with him after that, and I didn't hang out with him anymore.


  1. I think this is what you would call a thoroughly believable story.

  2. Wow. That is epic. I bet you were sooo embarassed! At least you found out he was a gullible nutcase early on. Still, that must have been horrible.

  3. "im not qualified to speak about that"
    "speak about it anyway!"
    "STFU youre not qualified to speak about it"


  4. I agree with you Mr. Gripester, unlike some dates about how an older co-worker was trying to set someone up with their 15-year-old daughter. Now how ridiculous is that!?

  5. To the above poster, you are just plain rude. Maybe you are actually the creepy father in TheGripester's story?

  6. 7:56 you are not qualified, STFU

  7. Oh man, this is wonderful.


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