Bad Burger

Submitted by Jenni:

Troy took me to a pub/American diner sort of place for dinner.  I ordered a salad, being a vegetarian, and he ordered a two-pound bacon cheeseburger.

When dinner was served, he opened up the bun, made a high-pitched voice, and moved it around like a mouth.  It was pretty disgusting, and he reached over even further, over my salad with the dripping meat, and opened it wide and made a sound akin to vomiting, and his patty and all of its juices fell right into my salad.

"Why the hell would you do that?" I demanded.

"What's your problem?" he asked, "It's just a joke."

"I'm vegetarian," I said, "And now I have to order a new salad!"

He rolled his eyes and used his fingers to pick the meat out of my salad.  "There you go.  All better."

He slipped the patty back into his bread and chowed down.  I flagged the waitress down and asked her if she'd bring me a new salad because Troy's meat had "fallen" into mine.  She said that they'd probably have to charge us for it.

I looked at Troy.  He gulped down some burger and said, "You paying for it?"

I said, "No, I think I'm just going to leave," and so I did.  He didn't try to follow me, which I'm glad about.


  1. Too bad...later, his meat could have fallen into YOUR tuna salad.

    Vegetarians! Sheesh!
    You are more unheatlhy than the rest of us carnivores.
    What size are your Birkenstocks?

  2. I feel like there had to have been a reason he felt the need to be joking around about your veggie-tarianism. Were you bombarding him with propaganda, which prompted him to order the meatiest item on the menu?

  3. You seem pretty humorless. He probably went way overboard like he did because he was just trying to get you to lighten up. I'm sure your salad wasn't completely destroyed just because his burger fell into it. Stop being such a drama queen and maybe you would enjoy life more.

  4. Damn, haters! Why do you assume the vegetarian started it? I get taunted by meat eaters all the time, and I never start shit with them. People just like to make fun of people with beliefs they don't share, and I'd be super pissed if a guy I was trying to date totally violated mine like that. She didn't try to get him not to order a burger or make any comments about his dinner, she just didn't want to eat it herself, and this dude decided she didn't get to make that choice. That's domineering, disrespectful, and douchebaggety.

  5. yeah I gotta say that is lame as hell. Just because you have a bit of burger juice in it does not mean your salad is "ruined". Sounds like it was more of a chip on your shoulder than a patty in your salad.

    If you are a vegetarian for ethical or envionmental reasons, tell me where the ethics or environmentalism are in the fact that you are willing to throw away a perfectly good salad just because there is a bit of meat juice on the top few leaves?

    Get over yourself you vego git. I would have done the same thing had you kicked up that sort of stink on my date.

  6. Ok that's pretty harsh. Her choice is her own, she doesnt like meat, she made that clear and yet he still went ahead and dropped the meat (rather, made it "vomit") on her salad. I personally love meat, but I wouldnt go that far especially if they'd made their preferences clear.

  7. Wow, people really don't get it do they? Despite being ethically opposed to consuming animal flesh, vegetarians' digestive systems also adapt to their diet. Less digestive enzymes are produced that emulsify fat and digest protein. So even though she was perfectly within her rights to make him pay for a new salad because his childish and disrespectful antics caused her food to get grease all over it, it also would have likely caused her some serious stomach upset if she had eaten it.

    @OP: Sorry about your awful date. I'm not a vegetarian, but I have several friends who are. They're not pushy about it, yet they still get shit like this all the time. People have even snuck chicken broth and such into their food before and told them it was vegetarian, and they spent the rest of the night nauseated and miserable.

  8. Elizabeth R.11/25/2009 8:31 PM

    Of course a vegetarian would not eat a salad with burger juice in it! Picking out the meat does not cut it. I absolutely agree this was a BAD DATE and you were right to leave!

  9. No. He was a twit, and you over-reacted. Sounds like he did so because he was uncomfortable. He made some dumb jokes. You were humorless and pretty rigid.

    Bad date both ways.

  10. digestive enzymes / serious stomach upset my foot. Sure - if she decided to break her meat fast with a meat platter washed down with a few shots of animal fat, then sure she might have a bit of a gut ache.

    But dropping a beef patty onto some lettuce then picking it off will leave very little fat or protein on her plate, and will have absolutely no effect on the digestive tract should she choose to eat the salad. Probably get more fat from a handful of roasted peanuts or a box of popcorn.

    Sure, he was a douche but she sounds majorly precious about her vegetarianism.

  11. @Anon 12:07, You do realize that animal fat and vegetable fat are composed of different fatty acids/triglycerides, right? And they break down differently?

    Regardless, it always stuns me when people accuse vegetarians of being pretentious when they just won't pick the meat out of a dish. Some of the most unobtrusive, agreeable people I have ever met are vegetarians. They'll show up to a party where the only thing available for them to eat is a relish tray, and don't complain once. But drop a load of greasy meat onto their plate and they're accused of overreacting when they ask for a different meal. Unbelievable, and it makes you look like the pretentious snobs, not her.

  12. As an omnivore, I respect people's food choices. If you want to eat a 2-pound bacon cheeseburger, that's great. And tasty. But if you want to eat a salad, that's also great. And tasty. The date didn't respect her. He went beyond her comfortable boundaries. It'd be like her saying she didn't drink alcohol (for whatever reason), and he poured some whiskey in her drink. It's disrespectful and rude, and she's better off without him.

  13. I would have thrown the salad across the room and shoved my meat in your mouth.

  14. i keep hearing 'well its just a little meat juice, get over it' and i say to them, how would you like some 'man meat juice on your burger' would you throw away a perfectly good hamburger away just because the cook decided to jizz on your sweet bacon cheeseburger? of course you wouldnt! its basically something that people might find repulsive on their food so peeps should respect what they might want or not want on their food.

  15. DISRESPECTFUL ASS! Glad you left him there :)

  16. Anon @ November 26, 2009 1:12 AM

    yeah I know about trans fats and that animal fats are harder to break down and that vegetable fats actually do a body good.

    "The dose itself maketh the poison" (or some crap like that). How much fat and protein do you think would remain on the salad after a burger patty was dropped in and then immediately removed?

    "Bugger all" is the answer to that question.

  17. anon @ November 26, 2009 1:58 PM

    Although we are on different sides of the argument, your post was hilarious!


    At any rate - my digestive tract probably could not take the protein content of the jizz - I am a delicate flower.

  18. I'm seeing a lot of comments saying that the salad was fine after the patty was removed.
    No it wasn't. I'm a vegetarian. Picking the meat out of a dish doesn't actually get rid of all it. The juices themselves could have made her sick and violated her beliefs/morals. And to the person who said that she would have to eat a meat platter washed down with animal fat shots, you're wrong. Depending on how long she's been a vegetarian, the juices left over from the patty could have made her really sick.
    I don't get why all of you are attacking her vegetarianism. Not all of us are into the PETA stuff and most of us respect your choice to eat meat. Most of my friends eat meat, and I don't care. It's their choice. All we ask is that you respect our choice as well, and that you don't ruin our salads by throwing your burgers into them.
    You had every right to be pissed, OP. I would have left him there too.

  19. I find it interesting that everyone is debating life-choices as "right or wrong" but no one has even mentioned one really weird part of this story. "Two-pound bacon cheeseburger." Does anyone else realize how much fucking meat that is? I want to know if it was really a two-pound burger, which would make him the most glutinous date on the planet, or if you were just exaggerating because you might just be a bit prejudiced yourself?

  20. anon @ November 26, 2009 11:06 PM

    BWA HA HA HAAAAAAA!! Well spotted!

    Anon @ November 26, 2009 10:15 PM

    Meh - I don't buy that a small amount of burger juice can make anyone "really sick" (say like a peanut would for someone with a peanut allergy).

    Mentally yes - if they had conditioned themselves to despise meat that much then maybe they could subconciously induce vomiting. But then they'd just be a complete pussy. But physically, a small amount of juice from a barbecue and maybe even some trace amounts of meat are not going to make anyone sick (unless they have a rare medical condition which was not really mentioned in the OP).

    As far as beliefs / morals - unless she was a zen buddhist we can wipe out religion. That either means she is an environmentalist or just a picky tool with psychological meat issues. If she is an environmentalist, she would never order a new salad because it would be wasteful of the planet's resources. That only leaves one option ...

  21. I just don't get why vegeterians date outside their species.



  22. do vegetarians realize the loss of life caused by the clearing of animal habitats in order to raise their precious vegetables?
    The permits issued to farmers who, wholesale slaughter herds of deer and leave their corpses rotting in the fields,their empty bellies compelling them to desperately try and snatch a bite of the sweet tender shoots, reserved for vegetarian's exclusive use, only to have the foods they so desperately crave, be tossed into the trash because your delicate stomach cannot absorb the nutrients left by casual contact with
    a burger? If the cow manure used to fertilize your food does not turn your stomach, a little fat should be a blessing to your digestive tract.


  23. Political correctness has gone too far when people are whining about being discriminated against for making a personal choice. If you choose to be different then expect to be picked on. That said, this guy went over the line by disrespecting her as a person. Too all those who think no big deal on the burger juice... how would you feel if someone put something on your food knowing you hate it then trumped that by putting their fingers in your food?

  24. @ 2:27, I would ask for a blowjob, and, if given, would forgive all transgressions.

  25. Well, right. She was quite right to leave. But that doesn't mean she was a peach.

    She, and quite a few of the vege-protagonists here are behaving in a decidedly dry, whiny and unappealing manner.

    so there you go. Bad dates for everyone involved.

  26. After two months without getting my mouth close to meat produce my friend took me to McDonald's and bought me bacon mcmuffin.
    She convinced me since she already bought it I should take at least one bite.
    I spent the morning hacking up what I ate the night before.

  27. @Anon Nov. 27, 12:02 - Are you a nutrition expert? Do you have a degree in meat science? I'm betting not. So your expert opinion that you "don't buy" that a small amount of beef drippings could make someone ill is irrelevant. Now, as someone who has studied monogastric nutrition for the last four years, I feel I'm at a bit more liberty to discuss the topic.

    Even if a quarter of a teaspoon of liquid fat remained behind after he picked his burger out of her salad, that would still be equivalent to around 4 grams of animal fat. Without the necessary digestive enzymes and emulsifiers being produced in adequate amounts, which they wouldn't be when someone had consumed a vegetarian diet for a long period of time, her system would be incapable of dealing with the sudden influx and the grease would just sit in her stomach and upper intestine like lead. Which could easily cause nausea, upper GI cramping, vomiting and diarrhea.

  28. November 30, 2009 1:20 AM

    Like I said - total pussy.

    Where I come from we have this thing called the "iron guts tournament". The basic premise is to put nasty stuff in your stomach. The menu includes (but is not limited to) a whole can of spam, a raw onion, half a stick of butter for dessert, washed down with half a glass of oyster sauce.

    Now, the hard guys eat it down and never have stomach complications. The pussies, on the other hand, gag and wretch well before the stuff has passed the aesophagus. Psychosomatic more than enzymatic

    All reports I have heard are that vego's can reintoduce meat slowly into their diet without too many complications. It would be foolish to get a triple beef burger with a side of fried chicken because the digestive enzymes would be working overtime and they'd probably feel out of sorts and have a massive case of the squirts, but with small portions (starting out with a bite here and there) meat can be reintroduced into a vego's diet without adverse side effects.

    Your 4g of "pure animal fat" is what I would define as a small portion. And the "juice" from a bacon burger would not exclusively be fat and protein - there'd be sauce, water from the lettuce, juices from the tomato. So 4g is actually a very VERY conservative estimate of the fat content.

    Your monogastric nutrition studies are impressive. Lets first talk about units. Now, the volume of a teaspoon is listed by wicked pedia as being 4.9ml. Therefore, one quarter of the volume of a teaspoon is approximately 1.25ml. The density of liquid water is 1g/ml. Given that the density of liquid animal fat is less than that of water (as it floats on the surface when the two liquids are in contact), then one quarter of a teaspoon of liquid animal fat would weigh less than 1g.

    So, even if 1 full teaspoons of burger juice dropped in which was pure fat, there would be significantly less than 4g of fat there. This neglects the fact that "burger juice" is also made up of cooking oils, water from washed vegetables, sauces, liquids from vegetables (tomato, pickling brine etc).

    I totally agree that vego's should not break a meat fast with a large plate of meaty delights because that could result in a case of the green apple splatters and a long chat on the porcelain telephone. But I do not think that a few grams of animal fats / proteins mixed in with vegetable juices and water (the "burger juice") will seriously alter a vego's short term digestive function.

  29. To add on to Anon 6:48 said...

    This should be followed with a few shots of semen.

  30. December 10, 2009 2:38 PM

    does that mean vegetarians can never swallow? There is a lot of protein in spunk as far as I am aware....

  31. As a vegetarian since 1988 AND as an unpartnered woman, I am appalled at the deportment of this "gentleman." (I am using the word in a VERY sarcastic manner).
    This lady made a conscious decision to eat a certain way, and this fellow disrespected that and acted like a total @$$hat. And playing with his food, making a puppet out of it -- who DOES that except children just out of infancy? And it is true that after years on a meat-free diet, the body will cease to recognize meat, poultry and fish as food and treat these items like poison.
    And what is up with all you folks calling this lady "humorless." There was nothing funny about the stunts the her date pulled. NOTHING. It was all stupid

  32. It's all about respect here, and the guy was really out of bounds there, no matter if OP was vegetarian or not.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.