Horsing Around

Submitted by Sarah:

Tim had the idea to go horseback riding on our first date.  We lived in a pretty urban area, so to find a ranch required a decent drive.  The idea was so unusual that I had to go for it.  I was really looking forward to it.

On the way up, he asked me if I had been riding before.  I told him that I rode a pony once when I was little, but that I didn't really count that as horseback riding.  He said that he rode as often as he could.

We made it to the ranch and took the obligatory lesson with a small group of other riders.  I was assigned Arabelle Whitney, a white mare.  Tim was granted the reins of Colonel Mustard, a chocolate brown stallion.

I easily mounted Arabelle, but Tim, a big guy, had a good amount of trouble with the Colonel.  So much so that his mutters of displeasure soon turned into angry, jerky hand gestures, and he started kicking up a good amount of dirt.

The attendant was helping someone else onto their horse, but noticed what was going on.  She asked Tim to calm down, but Tim couldn't be soothed.

I didn't see, but at one point, he apparently (and hopefully accidentally) kicked the Colonel, and the attendant had him forcibly removed from the premises.

I was already up on Arabelle, and thought that it would be silly to not take her around for at least one quick run.

Tim didn't speak to me for the entire ride home.


  1. Sounds like you guys had a blast.

  2. If he rode horses as often as possible then he wouldn't have had so much trouble getting on the horse. And cruelty to animals is a stepping stone to cruelty towards humans...he sounds like a nut.

  3. For the leasticoulddo fans, he should have bought the horse a prostitute

  4. But nobody killed Tim that day, so I guess that's always nice.

  5. I was really expecting the horse to have kicked Tim after Tim kicked the horse, because it's been my experience that horses don't take crap from NOBODY, but I was disappointed that he was just thrown out of the place.

    Good for you for going for a ride without him though.

  6. Colonel Mustard in the stable with the candlestick.

  7. This made me laugh, but being a professional horsewoman, I feel the need to point out that if he couldn't handle the horse on that basic a level, (a) he had probably went riding maybe three times in his life (ugh - nothing bugs me more than people who've ridden a couple times and claim they're experts) and (b) I really, really doubt they gave him a stallion. Only truly expert riders (read: people who can actually mount a horse on their own without problems) ride stallions. They probably gave him a gelding (a castrated stallion...which needs to be done to a lot of the guys mentioned on this site).

  8. I bet Nikki has casterated a few stallions in her time...she can sure butcher the English language!

  9. Too bad the horse didn't give him a good swift kick in the nuts.

  10. any horseman would have known stallions love a feminine male, the old col. probably wanted to mount your date.

  11. @4:52: The grammatical error was obviously done for effect. If you read the other comments I've posted here, you can see that I'm fairly consistent with the use of proper spelling and grammar.

    Also, it's "castrated" not "casterated." Have fun living in your glass house.

  12. Bad horse riding dates: just say neigh!


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