Don't Picture This

Submitted by Scott:

Julie brought a photo album with her to our first date.  It had to be close to six inches thick, and must have contained at least one photo from every day of her life.  She sat down next to me at the cafe where we were meeting, put the book on my lap, and narrated each photo, page by page.

"Why'd you bring this?" I asked her.

She said, "I want you to know all about me."

I asked, "Why not just do it the old-fashioned way, like through conversation?"

She answered, "Well this way, you'll have a lot of topics to talk to me about and ask me about."

We went through pages and pages and pages and pages of photos of her, her biologist older sister, her financial counselor older brother, and her parents' divorce and remarriage... to each other.  I should have brought an album, myself, so that we could have both had something to read.

Finally, I came upon a photo of her with a large, bearded, teddy-bear-like man.  She told me, "That's Angus, my ex."

There were a few pages of herself with Angus, and as I continued on, I noticed that she had stopped narrating the photos.  She was looking off into space.

"Julie?  What's wrong?"

She carefully took the book from me and closed it.  She looked down into her lap and said, "Maybe I think I'm not sure if I'm really ready to date right now."

I was only too happy to agree with her, and we parted as friends.  Weirdo.