Clubbing with Captain Tactless

Submitted by Sandra:

Drake was a friend of a friend, and we had hung out a lot in groups of mutual acquaintances. One time, we were out at a club when one of my friends took me aside to tell me that Drake had a thing for me.

Drake and I had barely exchanged more than a few sentences to each other, so this sounded odd. Still, I half-hoped that what my friend said was true, because on one hand I thought he was cute, but on the other, I didn't know a thing about him.

Somehow or other I ended up sitting next to him. He didn't say a word to me so I began with, "So Drake, I hear you work in finance?"

He nodded and said, "I tell millionaires what to do with their money. Other than shove it up their butts!"

I was sure that he was trying to be funny, so I pretended to laugh. I asked, "Are you good at it?"

He said, "It's better than sticking their money into strippers' g-strings. Want to dance?"

It took me a second to register what he said, so I was too dazed to say anything other than, "Sure."

We were dancing among dozens of other couples, and he started doing this weird thing with his hands in which he'd interlace his fingers and rock his arms back and forth, like he was slinging a baby around. He leaned close to me and asked, "Can I basket you?"

I asked him, "What do you mean?"

He put one arm between my legs in front and his other arm between my legs from behind, and he linked his fingers together between my legs, but only for a second, because I ripped his hands away like he was an attacking dog.

He shrugged, smiled, and disappeared into the dancing crowd. I rejoined my friends at the table and told them what he was up to. He had a very uncomfortable rest of the night.