Clowning Around

Submitted by Susan:

Gary and I worked in an office together and when he asked me out for drinks after work on a Friday one time, I didn't see any harm in it.  We were acquaintances, and though he seemed nice, I didn't know very much about him

While Gary inhaled beer after beer, I nursed my gin and tonic.  I asked him all sorts of things about himself, but he didn't ask me me one thing.  When I did volunteer information, it was as if he didn't care at all.  Something must have been more interesting at the bottom of his beer glass, I guess.

On our way out of the bar, he was somehow able to hold it together enough to ask me if I wanted to go back to his place to watch a movie.  "I live alone," he said.  I told him that I might need to leave partway through, as I was tired.

His apartment was wallpapered, and I do mean wallpapered, floor-to-ceiling, with posters of scantily-clad women in clown makeup.

I turned to him, smiled, and said, "I'd love to hear the explanation for this."

He pushed past me to put a DVD into his player and said, "They're my roommate's."

I was going to point out that he had earlier told me that he lived alone, but the next thing I knew, there we were, on his couch, watching a Japanese horror film, and surrounded by dozens of clown ladies.  Not exactly how I had pictured my Friday evening.

If it hadn't already creeped me out, it began to when he started mimicking the killings onscreen.  Like when someone's head was cut off, he made like to pantomime my own head being cut off.  When someone was gutted, he made as if to karate chop my chest and then drew it down slowly.

Finally, he turned to me and said, "You ready?"

"I sure am."

I up and left at that moment, faster than I think he was able to realize that something had happened in the first place.  It was a little weird at work after that, but definitely more for him than for me.


  1. What a bozo.

    Dude probably whacks off to J.W.Gacy.

  2. what a bozo - haha pardon the pun!

    And before anyone posts about "well, if he was such a jerk at drinks, why did you stick around?" the answer would be that if she had left right away, she wouldn't have gotten to see his sweet collection of wierdo clown pictures!

  3. You really can't be surprised that he would pantomime trying to kill you after walking into a house that's plastered with creepy girls in clown make-up.

    What I'd really like to know is what about the OP made this dude think that she'd be into the same kinks he's into?

  4. You should have stuck around and listened to some Insane Clown Posse records with him; they would have got you in the mood, for sure!

  5. Hahaha. I thought ICP when I read this, too. Where does one even acquire these types of posters? Hot Topic?

  6. Ok seriously, there are a lot of stories here of guys being totally forward and blunt like this on first dates. Does shit like that actually work sometimes? WTF?

  7. It probably does work sometimes, but we wouldn't hear about those instances here. For the times when it doesn't work... there's ABCotD.

  8. I was kinda drunk and I kinda made an ass of myself, I don't see the big issue.

  9. "I'm hard as a rock. You ready?"

    If that doesn't work then I don't know what will, been using it for years with no problems. Maybe he didn't say it right, hmmm.

  10. Ummm.... umm.... my B.S. meter is hitting the red on this one... I've heard all kinds of stories and seen some truly horrific dates in action from playing in a club, but this one seems more like literature than testimony.

  11. You're kidding me, right? omg.

    I am so glad I stumbled on this blog. You are so gettin' an award. Pick it up at my place, mmmkay?

  12. "'I'm hard as a rock. You ready?' 'I sure am.'"

    I howled when I saw that. Great deadpan response.


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