When Nice Isn't Good

Submitted by John:

Cathy seemed nervous from the first moment that I picked her up.  She has a weird smile on her face that didn't seem natural, and she just seemed a little too excited about the date.

We went out to dinner and hit up a diner afterward for dessert.  She was obviously trying really hard to be agreeable.  I'd say something like, "Movies today are pretty bad," and she'd reply, "I know, right!  What's happened to Hollywood?"

I'd say something like, "My favorite season is autumn," and she'd say, "Mine too!  I love it when the leaves change."

I'd say something like, "My favorite author is Robert Heinlein," and she'd say, "I love him!"

Sure, it's possible for two people to have a LOT in common, but these were maybe three examples out of a dozen or more.  I'd even ask her for HER opinions on things, and she'd say something like, "Oh, I like all music in general," or "I like all sports in general."

From my point of view, it looked like she was way too anxious to please me.  After the diner we took a walk.  I wondered if my concerns were something to bring up to her, but as it turned out, she brought them up herself after we sat down on a bench.

She said, "I haven't been on a date in a while.  I forgot how stressful they can be.  Do you think you'll want a second date?"

I told her, "I don't know.  You seem really nice, and so we'll see."

She said pleadingly, "But not nice enough for a second date?  I can be nicer.  Just tell me what you want me to do and I can do it."

I felt really bad, since she was really anxious to please, but she was also obviously desperate.  I told her, "Let's just see how things go."

She said, "Can I have an answer?"

I said, "No."  She groaned and slid away from me on the bench.

I didn't end up calling her afterward.  Her desperation was just a turn-off.

She sent me about two months of text messages before she got the point.


  1. that's so sad. I really feel sorry for her - hopefully she eventually found some confidence.

  2. Aww the poor girl! I hope she finds herself before she goes out again.

  3. While it may have been a turn off, sort of seems a dickish thing to do, in regards to posting about it on here. She seemed alright enough. Not every bad experience calls for embarrassment

  4. Might have been nice to just explain it to her. "If you are too nice and try to hard to be agreable, you do yourself a disservice. You should go out with some guys just to have a nice time and don't worry about a second date or even if you want to see them again. Perhaps think about reasons you might not want to see them. It is really not a big deal, and you shouldn't make it to be."

  5. I agree with the anonymous poster above me. You could have been a nice guy and told her straight out why you didn't want a second date with her and given her constructive criticism about future dates. There are polite ways of saying such things. She was honest that she hadn't been dating in a while, so you could have taken the high road and helped out a fellow human being instead of helping her stay a nervous basketcase by never speaking to her again, despite her efforts to the contrary.

  6. I don't agree with the 'dickish twat comment' from the 2 jackasses above.
    I've been in the same situation and explaining "why" to them doesn't work. She'd say things like "I could change" or "I will change" etc. etc. These type of people reek of desperation and are human welcome mats.
    She needs to grab a backbone or she'll meet a guy who will just string her along and get what he wants out of her first .. and then leave her. At least this writer didn't do that!

    Some people ... just...don't....get it.

  7. What a Dick!!

    Give the poor girl a break.


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