Trick or Treat

Submitted by Alex

Vanessa, my girlfriend of three months, heard about a Halloween party being thrown by someone at where she worked and announced to me that we were going.  This was about ten minutes before she planned to leave my place for the party, so I had about that much time to find a costume.  She was going as a nurse.  Yes, that kind of nurse.

I found an old sheet and made a toga.

She knew everyone at the party, or so it seemed.  She quickly absorbed herself in the packed apartment, leaving me to fend for myself, which was fine.  I'm good in social situations and soon had my own group of people to talk to.

People were hooking up on the couch and one or two in corners.  I went back to the makeshift bar for another drink.  On my way there, I saw a guy humping a broom handle.  Drink 'til she's hot, I say.

While pouring myself more... whatever it was I was pouring myself, I heard some yells from one of the other rooms.  "Get a room, you two!" and similar.

I had a vague feeling that, if I investigated, I wouldn't like what I would discover.  Turns out that I was right!  My girlfriend of three months was practically fastened, airtight to some douchebag's mouth.  This guy was dressed up like one member of a barbershop quartet.  Where are your other three members, douchebag?  Oh yeah.  You're a douchebag, so they're probably out somewhere without you.  Somewhere that doesn't allow douchebags.  Douchebag.

I removed my sheet, put it over them, said, "Get a room!" and left the party.  We didn't live together, but she still had stuff at my place, so when I made it home, I moved all of her stuff onto the front porch.

Maybe some kids would mistake her birth control pills for candy.


  1. A clinical nurse? A pediatric nurse? A registered nurse?

    ...and one "douchebag" per article should suffice. Get a thesaurus.

  2. AWESOME job ending that! It is refreshing to finally read a posting where the OP got out and got even. Plus even tho I am sure it sucked to find out she was a horrible slut, at least that info was discovered before it turned into a serious relationship! P.S. I feel that this story warranted multiple uses of the word "douchebag" ;)

  3. I disagree about him getting even...he went out like a punk! Why exactly didn't you end up beating this guy's ass when you saw him on your gf??

    No wonder she cheated on you knowing you were nearby. grow some balls or get used to this in life.

  4. Terrible job ending things..instead of confronting the girl, confronting the guy, or doing anything, you ran away to your home, cried your eyes out and threw her stuff on the porch. "Maybe some kids would mistake her BC pills as candy"...what? what the hell is that? no wonder she hooked up with some other guy.

  5. wow dude... i feel for you. But you coulda went out better than that...

  6. Well done. No use wasting energy yelling at her, and no use getting mad at a guy for hooking up with the slutty nurse at a party. Too bad you didn't piss on her stuff after putting it out on the porch.

  7. I agree--yelling at her at the party would have been more of a punk's way out, and it's not the guy's fault for hooking up with her. Did he know that the OP and the slutty nurse were dating? I'm not okay with hoping small children take estrogen pills, as little girls and boys with tits makes me feel icky, but it's always entertaining to read about someone getting all passive-aggressive and giving away their slutty ex's stuff as Halloween treats. Better luck next time, dude.

  8. I would have gone a step further by leaving her crap on HER porch.

  9. Why 'beat this guys ass" like some douche wrote as a comment? SHE is the one in a relationship and he didn't necessarily know. You did right by not taking action, atlhough you could have thanked him for taking this cunt away from you.
    Leaving her shit on the porch was cheese, though and if it was stolen, you could have been sued (and lost) if she took you to court.

  10. Sounds like my ex... same name, too- ah shit.

  11. Anonymous #1 sucks and should stop commenting. I'm sorry to have to say it, since he or she clearly has a miserable life and serious self-image issues, but it's a fact, a fact of science. 'Douchebag' was deliberately repeated for comedic effect, and if one can't recognize that, one has no business offering one's opinion on the written word.

  12. The author of this story is obviously nothing to write home about. Get used to being alone.

  13. Impotent dudes are that way for a reason. Stick to videogames.


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