What We Won't Be Doing on Our First Date: a Complete List

Submitted by John:

Alexandra and I were on our first date at a local sushi place.  She's a graduate student in a theology program and I'm in advertising.

So we sat down and ordered and things were going fine, but she seemed really nervous.  Her answers to my G-rated questions were pretty short and she barely looked at me.  I asked her, "Is everything okay?"

She looked at me and blurted, "This is our first date, so we won't be having sex."

I stared at her.

She continued, "Right?"

I said, "Uh... right."

"Okay.  Because I don't like doing that."


She paused before answering, "No."  I was about to talk when she broke in, "I mean, yes!  No!  No!  I don't like that."


She rapid-fire nodded like a 6-year-old.

Our sushi was served.  I picked up my chopsticks.  "Okay, then.  No sex."

We didn't say anything else for the rest of dinner, which lasted a surprising eight minutes.

When we exited the restaurant, I said, "Well, bye," and departed.  It wasn't the promise of lack-of-sex that bothered me.  It was her.


  1. you moron! she probably just didn't want to have sex on the first date. some douchebag probably raped her or something.

  2. LOL, That sounds horribly familier, except for the Sushi bar, we didn't have them back in my day! The difference is that you invite them back to your place and have sex anyway!

  3. Why is is the first thing I thought of was the scene from The Big Lebowski?

    "Some men get nervous even hearing the word...Vagina"

  4. You should have asked her if she considered it to be sex if you put your little finger up her poo hole. Because some girls think that's sex but other girls just let you do that.

  5. Wait, so... she doesn't like sex in general? Why the hell not?

  6. Sounds like she was nervous or something, Mallory.

  7. Doesn't really matter if she was nervous, that's a very strange thing to say on a first date out of the blue. She's got issues and (to overuse the phrase a bit more) you dodged a bullet.


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