Raw Fish, Raw Nerves

Submitted by Gwen:

I met Tom at a party. He was a bass player in a local band, and he invited me to a couple of his shows. I saw him play and was impressed, so when he asked me out on a date, I accepted.

He wanted me to meet him at his house, which I thought was a bad idea, so I offered to meet him at a sushi place near his house. He whined about it a little bit, but when he realized that I wasn't going to change my mind, he agreed.

We made it to the restaurant, sat down, and opened our menus.  He spun his around to face me and said, "Okay, akami is tuna. Ebi is shrimp. Now, have you ever heard of yellowtail?"

I told him, "I've had sushi before. Coming here was my idea, remember?"

He frowned as if I was reminding him of something unpleasant and spun the menu back around to face himself. I followed up with, "But I appreciate you offering to help."

He ignored this.

Halfway through dinner, he asked, "So why the song and dance?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know," he pointed around the restaurant, "Going out for sushi. Why?"

I stared at him. "This is a date, isn't it?"

He ignored this, too. I asked, "What's your problem?"

He said, "Most girls I bring over don't need to be taken out. They're happy just to come over."

If my jaw could have hit the floor, it would have. I said, "I'm not most girls."

He rolled his eyes and said, "That's obvious."

I finished the dinner withut saying much, and right after we left the restaurant, I went straight home.

No joke, the guy was brought up on some assault charge a month or so later.


  1. No surprise on the assault charge. What a sense of entitlement.


  2. He's a musician. I've never met a musician who wasn't a cretin on one level or another.

    Although I suppose you could argue that everyone is a cretin on one level or other.

    Still, that's all pretty odd behaviour seeing as you planned the meal a week in advance. I will assume a little artistic license has been taken.

  3. When did it say that they planned the meal a week in advance? I didn't read that anywhere.

    Anyway, it sounds to me like you have no manners. You didn't have to be a smartass about the sushi thing.

    Also, since you fail to know the details on the assault charge, I would leave that part out. It's irrelevant.

  4. The girl is the smartass? Oh please...

    The guy proceeds to enlighten her on the subject of sushis without asking first if she needs help. Still, she thanks him for offering help, even though he basically took for granted that she was ignorant. HE was the smart ass, and he just went downhill with the rest.

    You make it sound like the guy's later behaviour was provoked, when it's clear from the start that he didn't want a formal date.

    And for the record, I'm a guy. My defence of the girl is not prompted by any sexual bias.

  5. What do you mean? The guy was in a band, for heaven's sake!! Haha, I'm a musician too and I know how a lot of guys like him think. They expect any female that gives them attention to behave like a groupie, more or less.

  6. I think that gives a bad stereotype to musicians. My father is a bass player and he's a very nice guy, even when he was younger when he and my mother first met he was never a jerk. My boyfriend's a keyboard player and he's awesome too. It's the drummers you have to watch out for :-P

  7. Hey Anonymous #2 - you obviously haven't met many musicians. Of the thousands of fellow musicians I've met in my work, not to mention the hundreds I've educated personally, very few of them would be so callous as to stereotype a whole group of people the way you just did.

    It takes brains and skill to be a musician. I wonder if you've got either.

  8. Well Gripester, I'd say it takes skill...

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. That's right - keep digging that little troll-hole deeper and deeper.

    If you think that all it takes is "skill" to be conductor, opera singer, professional jazz player, or touring rock musician, then I dare you to try it. Or in my field, to orchestrate a symphony or film score. Go ahead. Let's see you play a concerto, or some boogie piano, or try to conduct.

    I guess if "everyone is a cretin on one level or another," you have to ask yourself - "which level am I?" Or have you already let us know?

  11. Well Gripey, I think you've pointed out exactly why many musicians are cretinous right there. I quite agree you see; it DOES take more than skill to be a musician, it takes attitude too.

    First and foremost you've got the noble desire to articulate and express. Then you've got the desire to perform, to be praised, to dazzle. The first desire can make people cryptic and pompous, the second can make them insufferable. So that's why I think they are the way they are.

    Which isn't to say musicians are automatically 'bad', afterall nobody is perfect. Merely that they have traits that can present an obstacle for initiating and maintaining anything resembling a long term relationship.

    Perhaps I am wrong though. Afterall I've often said that I hate people that make sweeping generalisations.

  12. TheGripster, you're my hero

  13. Bass players are hilarious. Inferiority complex personified.

  14. Well, Anonymousy. sounds like you know quite a bit about being a musician. I do too, because I've been a professional since age 16 (over 30 years). I've moved in every circle of player from novice to virtuoso, from nobody to reknowned. I currently am a composer whose works are heard internationally.

    I think frankly that you are taking a very stereotyped idea of a muso, which is the dumbass rock wannabee at the not-yet-pro level, and applying a frankly bigoted view to it. To quote you, "He's a musician. I've never met a musician who wasn't a cretin on one level or another."

    I haven't run into any people like that since high school. In my long experience, the level of stupidity is equal in all professions, but at least in music people are doing what they love, often for very little recognition or financial reward. They are far from being "cryptic," "pompous," or "insufferable." Use those descriptions on the struggling Nashville songwriter with a chronically ill little sister, or the single mom who plays violin in a regional orchestra. I'll say it again - you obviously haven't met many musicians.

    Btw, Albert Einstein was a decent violinist who played quartets and wished he could be pro. Albert Schweitzer was good enough to go pro. But I guess they're cretins according to your description...

  15. Wow, TheGripester. Way to be a pompous windbag. I don't care how world-reknowned you are. You sound like a whiny jackass trying to school us "young whippersnappers" on the ways of all musicians.

  16. TheGripester, you are over 46 and you still feel the need elevate yourself over others on the internet? Obviously your life sucks and aren't as renowned as you are wanting us to believe. I hope things turn around for you, buddy.

  17. Actually, I'm not renowned at all. But I've moved in those circles enough to know that from top pro down to dedicated amateur, "every musician" is not a "cretin on one level or another.

    Also, I'm outrageously happy, have a wonderful family, and work at something I love. Is that okay with you?

    Gosh and golly gee whiz, excuuuuse me for sticking up for other people in my profession. How dare I do something like that? The only thing that got me to talk about my own personal history was Anonymous #7's tone, telling me exactly how all musicians behave. Jeepers, what a really wise and benevolent person, helping me to understand that everything that I know and teach to other musicians is all a lie. I really owe that guy a lot, and I promise to change my whole life tomorrow.

    In the meantime, let's not lose sight of the comment "He's a ______. I've never met a _______ who wasn't a cretin on one level or another." Fill in the blanks with any profession you like, or maybe even a gender or ethnicity, and see how it sounds? Bigoted? Not even a teensy little bit? You don't think so? Oh, gosh, what a fool I've been! I guess that Anonymous #2 is so smart, I should never have challenged a word he said! My life truly must suck! All I've got is a beautiful baby, royalty checks, nice commissions, a home, and a loving wife. I never realized just how empty and pointless that was. Thanks, thank you all, God bless you! I will start categorizing all the people I've met once or twice as cretins. How great that will make me!

  18. What, no more abuse? Please, I'm beggin' ya! Why do you think I bothered in the first place? heh heh heh...

  19. C'mon gripester, fess up. You were the bass player on this date, right?

    I KNEW IT!

  20. No, sorry, keyboards is my bag. Now you can read my comments and all argue how much better KEith Emerson would have written them! heh heh...

  21. Oh, THANK you Anonymous! I so needed that! You are soooo right! I promise to do exACTly what you say! You are soooo smart!

  22. TheGripester world reknowned? LMAO.. More like a 46 year old wannabe who never made it.. that's why he's taking everything so personal and going under another name to comment ''gripester your my hero''.. LOL You're not fooling anyone you pathetic old haq.. Sit behind your computer and keep trying..

  23. Going to someone's house on a first day doesn't sound like a good idea, maybe on a third date but not on a first so that guy has a bit of issues with that.


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