Mama Said to Watch Out for Those Queens Girls

Submitted by Andrea:

Don and I met on a dating site.  He was a wasp from the middle-of-nowhere, and me, being a Queens NYC girl, was always wary of the type.  After going out with him for a few drinks once, I decided to see him again.

We met at an Irish pub in the city.  I mentioned how I loved doing car bombs and I thought he would be game.  No.  Instead, he offered to hold my purse while I did one.  Hmm.  Additionally, his palate was comparable to that of a tween - BBQ, burgers, fries, and pizza were it - no exceptions. Knowing this, I suggested a BBQ joint for our next date.

We sat down to dinner and ordered a mixed plate. He ordered two sides, and for my two, I picked mac and cheese and jalapeno poppers. As our food arrived, I offered him some, and he declined.

 

I was taken aback - how could one decline cheesy goodness? So, I offered again - and got declined again. When I asked what the deal was, he said, "Cheese is the devil's food."

 

I laughed at first, but then I saw how serious he was. He continued, "I said, cheese is the devil's food. Steak is God's food."

 

I excused myself to the bathroom and frantically dialed my friend.  She urged me to leave, but at that point, we were waiting for the check, so I decided to suck it up.  When I went back to the table, he then told me, "Once my mom tried to sneak in fish at dinner, but my dad and I only eat steak because that's what men eat, so I spit at that bitch."

 

I just sat there, speechless, and if that wasn't enough, he continued, chuckling, "By the way, I told my buddies I was going out with a girl from Queens tonight, and they told me to bring knives."

I bolted out of that place like no one's business towards a taxi stand. He came after me freaking, "Oh my God!  I scared you?  I scared you?"

 

There was a bouncer at a nearby club and I attached myself to his side for protection.  Don caught up and sheepishly said, "Um, I guess I should go now?"

Um, YES!