Let's Not Talk About Sex, Baby

Submitted by Patrick:

Alexandra and I had been going out for a while, but she said she'd been hurt before and wanted to take things slow.  That was fine.

We hadn't had sex yet, but one day, she suggested that I go out and buy condoms and lube, so I did.  I brought them over when she invited me to her place.

She cuddled close when we watched a movie on her couch, we made dinner, and ended up in her bedroom, talking.  Yes, just talking.  Finally I said, "You know, I brought some condoms and lube over, like you suggested."

She got upset and said, "I think that you talk about sex too much."

The only time we had ever talked about sex before, mind you, was when SHE brought up the fact that she wanted to take things slow.  That was it.

I said, "When was the last time we talked about sex?"

She replied, "I don't know.  It feels like we talk about it all the time."

"We don't."

"Well, I feel like we do."

"Then tell me when we've talked about it last."

"I don't know!  Now it's like you're attacking me!"

I should have grabbed the bag and left to have actual sex with someone.  Instead, I spent most of the night consoling her from something that never happened.  She didn't call me anymore after I left, and I sure as hell wasn't calling her.


  1. semi-schizo neurotic girls who look harmless until they show themselves through accusing you of unspoken words, assumptions and no answers to your questions. A classic! Those are the worst. Run like there's no tomorrow!

  2. Who needs sex when you can get off on creating drama?

  3. She's going to make a perfect little wife for some guy and he's never, ever going to get buttsex for the rest of his life. Except if he has a chinese girl on the side.

  4. What the hell, Mister? Blah blah buttsex blah blah poo hole blah blah blah.

  5. What the hell is up with her? She asks you to bring condoms and lube, then she turns all psycho. Someone can't make up their mind!


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