California Scheming

Trina and I traded some e-mails back and forth on the dating site and decided to meet.  She's short, tanned, and bleached blonde.  She likes day trading stocks and works as a waitress at a Bertucci's.

I take her out to a fun pub.  Everything goes well enough on this, our first (and only) date, when I make the mistake of asking, "You sound pretty well-traveled.  Where else have you lived?"

She sighs.  "California."

"I've never been, but I'm sure it's beautiful out there.  Where else?"

"How could you have never been there?  I can't wait to go back."

I lean back in my seat.  "You have family and friends out there?"

"Both.  I have nobody here.  I'm heading back there soon."

"To visit?"

She shakes her head.  "To live."

"Oh.  When?"

She smiles as if she can already see the sandy beaches... the swaying palms... the guys named Brett... She says, "Next Friday!  I can't wait!"

I frown.  "Permanently?"

She nods with a big grin.

I say, "Oh.  So why bother going on dates around here at this point?"

She shrugs.  "Something to do, I guess.  It's nice when guys buy me dinner."

My fork freezes halfway between my tasty salad and expectant mouth.  "I see."

She nods again and sips her beer.

I ask, "You don't mind if we split this then, do you?"

She stares at me as if I had just asked her to fellate Mickey Mouse.  Then, she rolls her eyes and says, "Fine.  Whatever."


  1. I bet you actually paid for the whole thing and just won't admit it.

  2. I bet I'd take a baseball bat to the bitch in the parking lot and get my money back. :]

  3. worst type of human being out there.

  4. That fork was really underutilized. I'm disappointed.

  5. seriously, where do people learn that behavior like that is okay? Clearly she doesn't even have any shame in it or realize how rude and expolitive it is. Who do people go through life like that?

  6. Love the title

  7. You turned down a week of fine, no-obligation banging with a tanned, day-trading waitress? Are you gay?!!??!?

  8. You should of told her you were going to the restroom and bailed on her. Then she would of been stuck with the entire check!!!

  9. Wow! Although her statement was true, she should have held her tongue. She was obviously feeling quite comfortable with him and didn't think before she spoke.

  10. You could have left to 'go to the bathroom' and sneaked out.


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